Need Your Opinion!

Personally I think you should stick to your guns on this one!! And I would tell your daughter (as I have told mine) that in 2008 there is no reason why a responsible young person has an "oops" of that nature. First of all, 16 is too young to have sex no matter how much "in love" a person is. Second, there is so much information and protection availabe not using it is just sheer laziness & irresponsibility not only are you risking pregnancy but tons of STD's that are life threating.

I hate the fact that another member of the Spears family is making headlines because of bad decisions...I feel sorry for the family for having to go through all of this, but I hate being forced to have conversations with my daughters about pregnancy & bad decision making on someone else's time line instead of my own! Since when is a 16 yr old getting pregnant newsworthy? What level have we sunk to? It makes me crazy!! Good luck with your talk with your daughter, be honest and straight forward and be prepared for either some hard questions, or a blank stare and a big ewwwww!

P. - There is a really great book called Teaching Your Children Values by Linda and Richard Eyre. If you have time get it from the library. They have a chapter about Fidelity and Modesty that covers teen sex and explaining it to an 8 year old.

I looked them up on the internet and found several sites with info from the book. This site: http://www.meridianmagazine.com/meridianfamilyvalue/05122...

is a Ladder Day Saints site (I am a Christian, not LDS), that specifically mentions the book and the chapter about Fidelity and Modesty.

I really like the book because it gives you examples of how to talk to your child about the values you want them to have at various times in their lives; pre-school, elementary age, adolescents etc.

The Eyre's have been on Oprah and other shows as experts on this subject. They also wrote the books Teaching Children Joy and Teaching Children Responsibility. Their website is http://www.valuesparenting.com/ and I would imagine they have archives that would cover this subject as well.

I hope this helps.

W.

I just had this conversation with my niece and I am certain it is being held across the country. Your daughter's response "She could not help it" was the opening to your conversation with her. While I completely understand not wanting to have the birds and bees talk you need to give her the child's version and explain why you came at your decision. Please note the kids are finding out from each other and it is usually wrong information. It is best that she hear it from you. Good Luck!

Stick to your guns. You are the parent amd the moral compass for the family. I am not sure if you can make her understand why because all she knows is that she wants to watch the show and your reasons no matter how right or wrong make no difference. She's almost 8 so she wants what she wants. As parents we do not have to reason with our children and we can explain if we desire but the bottom line is if you feel it is setting the wrong example then the answer is no.

S.

Hello!!!

Well it seems that we are in the same predicament here, my daughter just turned eleven and she also loves to watch Zoe 101. But my personal decision with my daughter is that she will no longer watch the show due to the fact that this girl is supposed to be a role model for our daughters and i dont think she is doing a good job at it, if she wanted to go out and get pregnant then she should not
be doing a kids show.

It seems to me like Nickelodeon is going to take this opportunity to try to teach children the consequences of the choices they make. I think if she wants to watch it that badly, you should take the opportunity to sit down with her and watch it together if possible. Then take the time to talk to your daughter about the fact that some decisions you make are permanent decisions and you have to be ready to accept the consequences. Talk about how Jamie Lynn is taking responsibility for her actions, but how it's going to change her life forever. Also explain that while having a baby is very rewarding, it's also VERY hard. I see that you are a single mother. Maybe you can share with her how hard it can be sometimes....and even harder when you're so young.

Our children are learning things younger and younger, so I don't think it's necessarily too early to have a talk about the birds and the bees.....just on her level. You know, without all the details. We as parents have a responsibility to try to be the ones to teach them right from wrong...then just hope they listen to us!! :)

Good luck!

I dont think on the show they will publisize the pregnancy so maybe just see the show with her and not the thing on her pregnancy..i am surprised the show is on..maybe explain the money end of it and that people in her life style can afford to have people help out...my daughter will be 8 in june..i find the less i say at this age the better

I have a son who is the same age as your daughter and I can tell you that even if you don't let her watch it, she WILL hear all about it at school. It is literally all that the kids are talking about. I tend to let my kids watch whatever all the other kids are watching (as long as it is rated appropriately for their ages)just so I can stay abreast of what they are talking about in school. I try and put MY spin on it before my kids can be influence by others. My method has, so far, worked for me. I have found that by forbidding my kids to watch, eat, or do what their friends are doing simply just creates more of an interest. We have found that by being honest about where we stand as parents and as a family, we are sending our kids out into a messed up world with a little defense! You can't prevent your daughter from seeing and hearing everything so try and control what you can such as YOUR feelings on what is going on with JLS. After all, this could have happened to a close friend or relative and then what would you do?

Hello,
My name is M. and I have a 2 and 10 yr old boys. I also have several nieces that range from 7-18. These days kids are doing thing we would never have dreamed of doing at a very young age. I say be honest with her. Not to the point that there is too much graphic details, but the basics. Try to see what she already knows about boys and girls and take it from there. That should give youan idea of what you can talk to her about and how much she will understand. You will probably be surprised at what she already knows. Approach it with caution. I think when we try to push things under the rug it causes the child to sneak and get the wrong information from friends.
Hope this helps

you have to trust your parenting and trust that you have raised your child to know better. If she starts to say things like that then rent one of those dolls. I think they may be taking Zoey 101 off the air because of her pregnancy anyway. But kids don't really do everything they see on TV if they know whats wrong and whats not. Thats my opinion but stopping her from watching the show now really will make no difference the damage is already done. I don't think the movie is about her pregnancy I have seen nothing in the previews about that but I may be wrong. On that I would look a little deeper into it. And I don't think you daughter is too young to know that she had complete control over the situation, Kids are talking thinking and doind the unmentionable alot sooner nowadays than we would like to think.

Hi!

I see how you came to your decision, and I don't have a pre-teen girl so I would have NO idea what to do in this situation myself, but I do have a few thoughts about it:

1) I think if we all decided what Television to watch based on the morality of the actors who play the parts then few of us would watch TV. The reason it's different for kids shows seems to be that we feel that as ADULTS we can distinguish between the actor and the charactor, but kids might not be able to. I dunno if banning the show because the actor is bad role-model would be a good way to teach that distinction.

2) If she's asking questions she's probably ready to hear some answers, though maybe not as detailed as a 16 year old might be ready for. She does at least need to hear enough that she understands that this is Jamie's fault so she gets the idea that even famous people are responcible for their actions (Especially with all the press flying around blaming the mom or sister, which are only side issues in my opinion.)

3) It's a touchy subject with the whole "respect for keeping the baby" thing. Teenagers often struggle to become "adult" and "independant" and I worry that all the talk on TV of her being responcible for not having an abortion will feed into that need to be looked at like a grown up for other teens. I'm not saying anyone should or should not have an abortion in that situation (everyone has their own view) just that the constant publicity in this case is ALWAYS along the lines of "How sad, but hey I really think she's doing the right thing now and being responcible by keeping it...." and as a teen looking for approval and identity that can be a very tempting thing to have adults say about you.

Good luck though, whatever you do! Again, not sure how I'd deal with this myself...

Yikes, that's a tough one. The first thing that came to mind though, is that you need to explain to your daughter that yes, she could help herself to not become pregnant in whatever terms you think she can grasp at this age and that since she did not make good choices she is faced with responsibilities that are very difficult for children and teenagers to handle. You are her mother, you are definately responsible for what she takes in on the television. Maybe you could tape the movie and view it yourself to see what the Networks message is and then decide from there if you wish to continue letting her watch the show.

Hi P.! I've thought about your question a lot. Since I've never seen the show, I read a quick review on it from Plugged In Online (a Christian site that reviews movies, TV, music, etc) here: http://www.pluggedinonline.com/tv/television/a###-###-###....

What would concern me the most is that your daughter is looking up to JLS as a role model already. That is evident by the fact that she was defending her pregnancy by saying, "She couldn't help it, could she?" That is something that, in my opinion, needs to be addressed even though she is young.

Children can't seperate the actor's real life from what they see on TV. Actors like JLS become idols in kids lives. If you feel that she is becoming attached to someone who has become an inappropriate role model, I agree that it's time to pull the plug. Look at Brittney for example... she started out with nice music and lyrics and a pretty innocent image. We all know how it turned out. If I let my teen listen to Brittney in the beginning, I would certainly not just let her keep listening because she got attached to her. I would have had to make her stop listening because the influence Brittney had was a powerful one, and her life became a moral mess.

What I teach my daughter comes from a Christian perspective. I would sit down with her and say something like: I've noticed how attached you are to JLS lately and it's something I'm concerned about. JLS has been making some bad choices in her life that God is not pleased with. Anytime someone does something out of God's plan, there are going to be serious consequences. JLS is not someone that I want you looking up to and you need to understand that the choices she is making in her real life are not pleasing to God. We need to pray for her because she has a very difficult road ahead of her. I know that you will be upset to not watch the show anymore, but as your parent, that is the decision that I'm making. We need to look up to young girls who love God and want to please Him.

That's what I would say. I hope that was helpful. Here are some more resources for you:
http://www.focusonyourchild.com/entertain/

Good luck. :)

~C.

My personal opinion is sit down with her and watch the movie. Then it would help answer her questions. Kids are having babies younger and younger so the more she knows the better. I would let my daughter watch it if she was that old but she is only 3. The more you try and hide it from her the more upset she may get with you. Explain that JLS made a mistake but is taking responsibility for it. You may be surprised by the reaction she may have from realizing even though mistakes happen they are not the worst thing in the world.

Hi P.,
I would stick with what you are doing, I to would not let her watch the show due to what has been going on with JLS. My thoughts about this whole thing are the same as yours but I would stick with what you said to you daughter and than in the mean time try and explain everything to her later. Well I hope that I helped you, and I hope that everything goes over well with it.

A.

But the question is shes 8, do you think shes going to think of her being pregnant every time she watches the show? Does she watch E news to hear all the updates on JLS? The 4th season is already taped, and the series end with a cliff hanger. I say let her watch the rest, and she will be on to something new soon enough. True shes not a "good" roll model to our kids, but...who is??? IF it comes up about being pregnant talk about your family standards on when you should have a baby, IE being married, or a certain age, ect. But you should NOT focus on the negative of JLS, but the positive of everyday people she sees & knows. If we talk about positive things thats is what I children will hear. There is far to many negative things for our children to hear about now a days.

Good luck!

that is a tough call - and i can sympathize because i have a daughter who was 7 in Oct. to me i can totally see where you are coming from because there are things that i don't let my daughter watch either - that being said you also have to look at what values you have already instilled in your daughters heart, mind and soul - and if those values emphasize the importance of making good decisions based on input from parents and yourself and on the importance of being in a committed relationship before having a baby then this might be a case where you need to pick your battles. The other thing to consider is that from the stories i have read they aren't even planning on bringing Jamie Lynn back for next season becasue they are concerned about the message that they may be sending - so by the end of this season it may not be an issue. It ultimately needs to be your decision - but at the same time she is probbaly old enough to discuss why you made that decision - make sense? plus - if she can separate her character with her person than you might be able to let her watch the show withot letting her "be a fan" of Jamie Lynn herself. - make sense??

hope that helps - if not or anything else you need email me personally at: ____@____.com

S. w

P.,

I hate to break it to you, but your daughter is already aware of the situation. And it is a scary fact that girls as young as 4th grade are reporting experimentation with sexual acts (oral sex particularly). So far, not teaching kids about sex has not reduced the number of kids doing it younger and younger (that # is increasing).

I think this is a wonderful opportunity to have an honest open discussion with your daughter. You can discuss sex, how her body is private, how Jamie Lyn could have prevented pregnancy, why she should wait, how to deal with peer pressure.

Not that you are going to convey this all in one conversation, but you would be laying a great foundation for your relationship with her when puberty hits (the avg. age is now 10 for girls).

Wouldn't you rather have an open line of communication with her than to leave her wondering and more likely to get her facts from the school yard?

When I was 6, my mother was able to borrow a copy of "Where Did I Come From?" (It was also an Afterschool Special that you can sometimes find on VHS.) She hadn't planned on having the talk with me so early, but the book was so child appropriate, she did anyway. The pictures are cartoons and the writing is very factual without being graphic. It would be a nice suppliment to your conversation, should you choose to pursue it.

Kali

My personal opinion is that the channel the movie will be on would not be played in my house until after Friday. My daughter has begged to watch that show and thankfully I never let her so I don't have to deal with this subject quite yet.

I don't know that I would really go into the subject of how babies are made at not quite 8 years old. When my daughter starts to ask those questions, I give very generic answers and tell her we'll discuss details when she's a bit older. I would tell her that yes, Jamie could have avoided this so that there is no mistaking people are fully responsible for their own actions.

Stick to your guns and good luck,
K.

Hi P.,

First of all, bravo on making an "unpopular" decision to not let everything slide in your home because it slides on TV. I have a 10 year old step-daughter who lives with me and I had to start having those conversations way before I thought I should because of her questions,songs, videos, etc. It may be time to begin having the conversation with her about the responsibilities that go along with behaving like an adult, when you are still a child. I think regardless of your religious background, we can all agree that children are ideally made with mom and dad together.

You can explain to her what she should be going through at different phases; at 16 it should be focusing on her education, favorite hobbies/sports and family/friends. That is the natural order of things, not raising a baby as a teenager because there are adult things some 16 year olds can't do yet, that mommy's have to be able to do. Drive a car, teach their kids things, have a daddy with you who loves the baby just as much, etc. If after all this she is still not satisified with your reason for not allowing her to watch the show, then I would stick to my guns and not allow to her watch it. However, you can tape it and watch it privately with our her around to see if its appropriate for her to watch the entire program. Eight is young and impressionable. She will appreciate it later in life because she will remember, "my mom did not allow that stuff in our house". I hope this helps a little or at least gives you some other ideas, God bless.

We don't watch the show, but I seriously doubt the special has anything to do with her pregnancy! It's an end-of-season cliffhanger episode about whether or not Zoey will stay at the school or go to Europe with her parents. I've seen the commercials and there's certainly no mention of a pregnancy on them. Is there somewhere that says it's about her pregnancy or is that an assumption on your part?

Personally, if my kids *did* watch the show, I wouldn't have told them Spears was pregnant and they probably would never find out. And if they did, I'd explain to them that she's an actress and Zoey is a fictional character...and that people on tv are not meant to be role models, not Jamie Lynn Spears, not Miley Cyrus, not any of them. They're actors and actresses doing a job and the characters they play are not who they are.

Honestly, I think by making a big deal about it you've made your daughter aware of an issue she never would've even known about otherwise.

Are you saying you think your daughter is too young to learn about sex? I disagree. She is certainly old enough to know the basics ... that it takes a man and a woman, for example. Or that it is something that should be taken very seriously, because it can result in babies that can change peoples' lives. Sounds like the perfect teachable moment to me. And a chance for you to share the values that are important to you.

That is a tough one. Maybe you could find something else she likes better to do or watch during that time. Does she like video games?

Perhaps you can turn this whole pregnancy issue into a great life lesson? Maybe explain to your daughter that JLS made the choice to allow herself to become pregnant, however was it a good choice? And talk about it. Explain to your daughter all the things she will be missing out on because she's pregnant- staying out with friends, fun sports activities, wearing all the latest fashions etc.. I would accentuate on the negatives, so your daughter can see how JLS choice will affect her.

Hi Patrica,

I know exactly how you feel. My girls who are 8 going on 9 in 5 months is bugging me and my husband about Zoey 101. My girls really like the show and we did not have a problem before this all happened. We had told them that we are not comfortable with her being 16 not married and having a baby. We don't want to get into to much detail about how you become preg. but tried to explain that she will not be able to do what young girls do since now she has to take care of a child at a young age and that we do not agree with all the hype the tv is doing by glorifing teenage preg. It is just like the movie Juno I don't agree with that. Now I know they are young and really don't understand but I think to a point they do. My husband won't even let them put the channel on when he is home cause of the commerical for it. They are respecting our judgment on it and if they do have the channel on when they start to advertise the show they do change the channel or turn off the tv for a few mins. It really bothers me that we have to do that but right now at this age I don't feel my children need to be exposed to that at this time. The children today are growing up way to fast they are not enjoying themselves and I am trying to keep them as small children as long as I can. We all make mistakes raising our children but we do the best we can.
Ok gone on long enough sorry.
L.

I think at this point the subject of teen pregnancy has now been thrust in to her little life at a younger age than it should've been. I think you will have to explain that, yes, she could've helped it, and a little bit about how pregnancy occurs, and the fact that having and caring for a baby is very hard, and its best to wait. Given the flack this story has received, I doubt this movie will romanticize Zoey's situation. I would watch it with her and discuss as you go. I have a 15 year old and two little ones. The little ones are the built in birth control for her. She sees the difficulty and DOES NOT want to put herself in that situation. I think these things that come up must serve as a lesson.