Need Some Perspective for Today

Updated on February 04, 2013
P.G. asks from San Antonio, TX
20 answers

Hi Moms - it's been a CRAZY week. My son ended up in the emergency room on Tuesday afternoon. He had been playing during recess on the monkey bars and went to the teacher saying his neck hurt. There was a HUGE lump that freaked out the teacher (she didn't freak in front of him, but told me later how OMG it was. Even the nurse was shocked. Since it was behind/below the ear and involved neck, he got the full imobilizer treatment, rush to the hospital, etc. It was a LONG day. He was fine - no broken bones. They said it was a contusion, ice it, ibuprofin, etc. Goes to school on Wed and is fine. Wakes up yesterday at 5:30 with a 100.5 fever. Falls back asleep, wakes up with a tummy ache, throws up around 9am. Called the Pedi cause we needed to follow up on the ER visit and told them about the fever/sick. So we go in and he gets examined. They say it's not a contusion - there is NO bruising at all on the thing 2 days later, but it's very swollen. Turns out it's a lymph node on hyperdrive - possibly had started getting crazy on Tuesday and may have been pushed into overdrive when he banged it? They did a blood count and his white blood cell count was 22.8 when "normal" is 15 - so he's fighting something off. He got a shot of antibiotics to kickstart fighting whatever infection it is, and we got a prescription. Came home, he was sick again but not too badly. Did the vomiting protocol of 1tsp every 5 minutes and he konked out around 8:30 pm (since he woke up late and had a couple of mini naps during the day).

Today his fever is broken, but his tummy's still a bit sore, but he hasn't been sick yet. I think the lump may even be a bit smaller. We're home together, sitting together on the couch for the most part, which is nice. We go in to the pedi for a follow-up tomorrow.

There's a part of my brain that feels like I have to "do things" around the house - clean, tax prep, etc., but the other part of me just wants to sit on the couch with my son and be comforting - it feels lazy and that's bugging me. Like I 'should" be doing "more". I was feeling weepy and stupid on and off during the day yesterday because I was worried, I wasn't getting anyting done really, I'm not able to go into work (the boss is very supportive - he has a kid and "gets it"). It was all just too much.

Can you mamas help me with perspective and getting my head on straight here? I feel like I'm going to beat myself up a little regardless of what I do. :(

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much mamas! I'm maybe doing 5 minutes of "stuff" for an hour of cuddle, and close to him. It feels really good to be with him :)

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K.H.

answers from Detroit on

You know how almost every baby shower you go to, someone says something to the effect that the dishes will wait but children won't as they grow too fast? This is one of those times you need to heed that advice. Mine was yesterday. My daughter was home sick, house was trashed. But I've been feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her so we played games almost all day. And it's true: my house is still trashed but I feel so much better for focusing on her yesterday and I think she does, too.

5 moms found this helpful

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L.A.

answers from Boston on

Take the time to just sit on the couch with your son. I think all moms have this pull to be doing 50 million things at once and feel guilty if they are just relaxing. Don't feel that way. Take a day off, relax, watch movies and have some real QT time with your son. I hope he is back to normal real soon. What a scary situation.

5 moms found this helpful

A.R.

answers from Houston on

In the words of my dear husband, "sit and be, woman."

4 moms found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Fifty years from now your tax prep and clean house won't matter, but you will remember (and your son might) trying to comfort him and just be with him. I am in the same spot today with my youngest who has asthma and has come down with the flu in spite of getting the shot. (I am so glad we got it because he would be even worse if we hadn't). Yesterday we crawled into bed together and I read to him and fed him chicken soup and let him teach me how to play his favorite computer game. Time well spent.

I am very glad your son is on the mend.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

stuff is just going to have to get "done" probably a thousand more times and then some. This will be the one and only time where your son is in this particular situation and needs you.

3 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

3 moms found this helpful
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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

You have been beat up, get some rest! Stress has sent your mind and body into overdrive. You are over thinking and analyzing your actions because the stress ramped up your mama bear. Be good to yourself and him. Some relaxing tea, take some vitamins, write on here, watch a movie. When you quit over analyzing, you have put your body back into rhythm. This is a physical reaction.

Just my take.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Don't worry about the house, don't worry about cleaning. Worry about your son. Be glad this was not something more severe. Be glad he's okay. Cuddle with him, nap with him, etc. Just make the day about him and do not beat yourself up about this!

3 moms found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

You ARE doing something! You are taking care of your sweet baby boy!
Don't forget it. All that other stuff will still be there when this is all sorted out and he feels back at 100%...until then focus on the sick kid!

Hope everything turns out OK!

~My mind would be on worst case scenarios and I'd be miserable weeping mess right now, if I were you!

3 moms found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from New York on

Today is a day to sit on the couch with your son. There are a lot of flus and viruses going around. You've both had a crazy week. Many times after weeks like this when you're *ON* and are running, and worrying, and caring for others you don't realize how stressed you've been until it begins to calm down. Then you dissolve in a puddle of tears.

All those stress hormones are trying to wreck you today. Don't let them. Make a cup of tea or hot chocolate or chicken soup. Cuddle into the couch with your child, pillows and blankets and take the day off. The messy house, taxes and work will all be there for you tomorrow. Get a book, magazine, kindle or ipad to read when your son falls asleep with his head on your lap. Stroke his little face and memorize it. Before you know it he'll be 13 or 25 and you won't have theses moments. Sometimes I think illnesses are God's way of slowing us down and giving us perspective.

I've had 3-4 years of stress filled times with parents, my husband and one of my children - all life-threatening accidents/illnesses and I have to say I'm a different woman now than I was at this time in 2009. Things like this put things in the proper perspective. Pray and tell God how thankful you are for modern medicine, for wise doctors and for a child who is on his way back to health. Then grab the remote control and watch a Nick Jr or Disney show with your boy.

3 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

It's so hard being a mom and worrying about our children, and still take care of everything else we do on a daily basis as well. Try to allow yourself to let go of everything else today, and just take care of yourself and your son today. You both need that. Cuddle up, watch movies, take naps, and recover. You've both had a physically and emotionally draining week. You deserve a day of rest.

I'm glad your boss is understanding, and hope your son is back to feeling well again soon!

3 moms found this helpful
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Y.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm glad he's getting better. I know how it feels to be scared for what your kid is going through. I would say that indulging both him and you by sitting with him is well worth the time. Giving him lots of extra love is very worthwhile right now, when you're both a little spooked - that's not stupid at all. If he falls asleep, you can get him all snuggly and then try to go do stuff. Or you can set him up wherever you're working with a sleeping bag and whatever he needs, and he can move around the house with you as you do stuff.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Awe. I hope he feels better.

Unless you need to run a laundry for soiled bedding, sit on the couch with your patient. When he is resting, that is when you can worry about the other stuff. There hopefully aren't many days like this and my favorite feeling is snuggling with my kids bundled up with blankets, watching a movie. Unless when I do get up, they decide to claim the blankets for themselves.

:)

2 moms found this helpful
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C.I.

answers from Fort Myers on

Hold that baby & cover him with kisses. When my daughter got sick or hurt, my boss (no kids) would tell me to choose between my job or my daughter. DUH !! She got fired. I stayed for 20 years I am so glad that he is better. My grandson has been in & out of doctors offices & hospitals since he was tiny. He has had surgeries on his ears, eyes & internal surgeries & guess what ! Housework was everones last prioity. When he is sick, he comes to Grandma's house to lay on the couch with me holding him. Some the best medicine is love. NO GUILT PLEASE !

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

P.:

I know your pain. My youngest has enlarged lymph nodes on his neck. So much so that when he is fighting something off - they look like Frankenstein nodules on his neck.

The doctor's told me that it was a great sign that his body is working to fight off stuff. does it make it easier? nope.

this is also the kid that fell head first off the diving board onto the concrete slab when he was 5. NOTHING was wrong with him - a few bruises and scratches..the EMTs and hospital asked several times - are we SURE he fell off the diving board. The life guard saw it happen, I caught the tail end I was just getting out of the pool. We got home - I held him next to me for maybe 3 hours...finally he looks up to me and says "I'm okay mommy. You can let go now." I ran upstairs bawling my eyes out. :)

It is scary stuff when your child is sick or has something that isn't NORMAL.

Spend some time with him. Let him nap and when he is napping, do one or two things...don't stress...don't beat yourself up...do what you need to do. If that means CHILL - then CHILL!!

hope all is well with your little man and he is feeling better soon!

2 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

When tomorrow comes, you're not going to wish you'd done more laundry or washed more dishes, if you snuggle with your son. But if you DO those things, you WILL wish you'd snuggled more.

Sounds like it was a scary experience - your immune system is down because of all the stress you had to deal with. You need to take care of yourself, too. You're probably on emotional overdrive, which is physically exhausting. Take the day off, take care of your son, take care of yourself.

Hope your little guy feels better soon.

2 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

My son had an enlarged lymph node on his neck for a couple of years. Not huge like on your son, but definitely enlarged. I swear asked the doctor about it every single time we went in, and he gave the same answer every time. "It's normal, they enlarge when they are fighting an infection and sometime stay enlarged a long time." It's normal to worry. I am NOT a worrier, and I still worry. Just don't let your son know you are worried.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Sorry you are going through this~ They are only little once and the time passes so quickly. When he is wanting you to comfort him and sit with him, stop everything else and tend to your child. Housekeeping can wait. Your child needs his mama and you need to be with him. Its ok to be "lazy" with your son. I wouldn't call it lazy, I would call it bonding and productive comfort time with your kid. Let it go and just relax with your kiddo.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Sit on the couch with your son and cuddle him and be comforting. This is one of those rare opportunities that you will get few of in the future, and when they eventually stop, you will regret every time you didn't take the time to cuddle your kids.

You and son, today. Love love. I would give anything to have a sick little precious to hold and kiss all day and watch stupid cartoons with.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

A couple of weeks ago... my son was home sick, from school, all week.
He had headache/fever/sore throat/sore tummy/coughing/sneezing/runny nose. Took him to the Doc. At least it was not the Flu, he had a Flu test. It was negative. But still, although I was home with him all week and did not go into work myself... that did not mean that I did nothing.
My son, was very fatigued. And was basically a slug on a log.
Fine.
I checked on him, kept him company etc. fed him and whatever else he needed. BUT... I also told him... "Mommy has things to do, still... Okay?" And he said okay.
I told him, he doesn't have to worry, I am right here, but need to do things.
He was TOTALLY fine with it.
So I did not feel bad about it.
Because I talked with him about it.
He even told me, although I said NOTHING about it, but he told me "Mommy, sorry I'm sick and you have to be absent at school for your job this week...." Aw, what a sweetie. I never made mention of my not going to work because... of him. I just did not go into work. When he had previously asked why, I merely told him I was taking care of him, that's what Moms, do.

Us Moms, still have loads to do, amongst our care taking of our not well family members.
Its okay.

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