Need Some Advice Please!! - Capitol Heights,MD

It's not totally the same thing, but In terms of annullment in the RC Church, I believe abusive behavior (physical or otherwise) is legitiment grounds because often these men control, isolate, and manipulate. In this way I believe you can claim that you were never REALLY able to make a free choice to marry or stay married since he hid his true nature from you. This may not affect the legal proceedings, but maybe it will halp you feel better about how you got to this point. Congratualations on making a decision that is good for your sons. Growing up in an abusive housefold is an awful thing they will have to deal with for a long time. It is likely that the situation would have escalated. However, if he is the father of your sons, I suggest that you seek counselling for all of you so that the abusiveness is discontinued as you move forward.

I don't know about Maryland, but in Virginia, if y'all have children together you have to be separated for one year before you can file for divorce. If there are no children, you have to be separated for 6 months. If the laws are the same, then you should be able to file for divorce very soon.

Depending on which agency you're with, they may have a seminar type-thing on coping with divorce. They don't offer legal advice but it is counseling and might be helpful.

Good luck and email if you have any questions.

S.

I was 27 when I went through what you are. I have 2 children by my exhusband, now 14 & 16. He was verbally and phsycially abusive. When my daughter was 2 - she saw my ex beat me up and threaten me with a gun. I left and never went back. I let him get to me for the next couple of years, until I met my new husband (which I thought would NEVER happen). He gave me the strength to stand on my own feet. As for advice - I would not take anything he says to you as personal. YOU KNOW that you are special - your children are special and #1 in your life. They feel the frustration and pain you are in. Don't let them - my 16yr just told me she is depressed and has thought of suicide - I've known she was depressed, but I needed her to tell me. She is seeing someone tonite - and I'm sure everything will be fine - BUT - HER FATHER did this to her. They haven't seen him since April 2000 and out of the blue he decides to write to them and tell them how much he loves them and a day doesn't go by that he doesn't think of them. (but he couldn't call or write in 8 yrs?) I gave up my life after I left him - I struggled with no child support, living with mother, I lost my car, but I did it - I paid for private school, made sure they were involved in sports and girl scouts and had friends. Never let him get to you again - he's not worth it and he probably doesn't even like himself - that's why he takes it out on you - he's miserable - let him be. The law is 1 yr of seperation - should be documented though. There are lots of lawyers out there who will take payment plans - mine did. I wish you all the best. You can contact me if you would like to just vent some time.

Hi S.~
This is advice for when you heal from the experience of this relationship. I think that you married this person before you really knew the kind of person he really was..I think it takes 6 months for the person's true personality to come out and even if there were signs then you didn't see them. I just wouldn't want to see this happen to you again.
Take your time when you meet someone. Like a very wise friend told me about someone I was dating and was the wrong guy for me "Rent don't Buy" I've been dating a nice guy for 8 years. It was worth the wait. Just remember the story of the tortoise & the hare.
Slow & steady wins the race.
Always the Best!
L.

S.,

you said the magic word, GOD. There is nothing and no one too hard for God. When everything else fails-- Try Jesus. From personal experience, I have been married to the same man for over 26 years and we finially found the answer, we finially added someone else to the equation that made the difference (for the better). I, as a wife went to the mirrow of God and took a good look at my self, and when I completely and sincerely surrended to holiness, righteousness, and faith, it drew my husband and I won him to the Lord (without a word). I kind word will turn away wrath; and you can win more bees with honey than vinegar. The bottom line of what I am trying to say is, when you get fully converted you can strenghten someone else and help them get delivered from the things that they are bound with. Pick up your cross and follow Jesus and know that sometimes the weight from that cross will come from your home. But think it not strange for you are being tested, tried, and strengthen. Don't bail out that's the easy way. Just, replace that fear with faith and servitude to the God that has blessed you with three sons and watch God move on your behave and save your marriage.

Be Encourage

K.

Dear S.

I cannot give you any legal advise but could refer you to a lawyer that deals with this in Maryland and in DC.

The reason I mostly wanted to write a post here was your statement that said "He became very jealous, abusive (mentally and emotionally), but he was never put his hands on me."

Domestic Violence is a very serious issue and should never be taken lightly. You do not need to be physically abused for this to be viewed as domestic violence. There is an excellent website with information that may help you in the process of moving forward. http://www.ndvh.org/educate/index.html

I would suggest that you have people aware of what is going on in you life and at home. Abusers depend on the fact that their victims have no support system in place and/or not place to go. I would strongly suggest that you get both and if need be, get professional help. If you need to discuss this further, you can email me.

C. C.
Life Coach