my son is 17 years old with epilepsy,he had epilepsy since he was 1 year old. He sometimes likes to lay down with me and he likes to hug me,but I feel very uncomfortable. Should I let him lay down with me?
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Is it because you have always felt this way or just now that he is 17? Is it you or is it what you believe would be the perception?
My son is 19 and if he want so snuggle with mom for a few minutes, I would welcome it...he's not a little boy anymore but he is still my baby boy!
Does it make you physically uncomfortable or are you concerned about the perception if anyone else were to find out/see? I ask because you shouldn't do something that makes you uncomfortable. However, if your second thoughts are due to the opinions of others... I think that it's a shame that our society has created the belief that a mother can't be loving to her children without it taking on inappropriate connotations. Just my opinion...
My brother is 36 and still lays in bed with my mom when he visits her...
I should probably mention that she is disable and spends alot of time in bed, so when we go to visit her it is usually in her bedroom. But anyway... he is your son... hug him if you want to!
My son is 14 and sometimes we lay in the bed together to watch TV. Sometimes I will put my arm under his head and around his shoulder while we lie on our backs, but our bodies are always apart. We don't spoon or snuggle while laying down - that's weird. But we do "hug" sometimes. It's totally an upper body thing though.
I would never stop hugging my child, personally. I dread the day when my 3 yo tells me no more! But each person is different and I don't know the details of your life or why hugging your grown son makes you uncomfortable. Do you feel there is anything untoward in his intention or does he just feel safe and loved around you? If it's the latter then I'd thank my lucky stars that my 17 yo still feels safe and loved around me. If it's the former, then no, I wouldn't. Also, if it just plain makes you uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with explaining personal boundaries to your son and asking him to respect them now that he is a grown man. Let him know that it isn't a reflection of your unflinching love for him, it's just a personal space issue.
Hi E.,
My youngest son will be 16 in November and my other son is 20. We have always layed in bed and talked and if we felt like it we would hug. There is no reason to feel uncomfortable unless things have happened that shouldn't between a mom and son which I am sure is not the case here. Feel blessed that he still wants some mom time because before you know it he could move off and you won't see him often. My oldest is stationed in North Carolina, married now and I miss our talks and his hugs (it has been a year since I have felt his wonderful hugs) Treasure what time you have because it ends way to soon and then they move on and grow up and don't need mom so much anymore. Good luck E. and God bless you and your family
You may be feeling uncomfortable because your son is now a teen. He is probably old enough to understand. Talk to him about it. Maybe just say that you would be more comfortable if, when he "likes to lay down with me and likes to hug me", that you two are in the family room or where your husband is present. Make sure that he understands that hugging you is not the problem and it is just how you were raised and how you _feel_. And, of course, remind him that you still, and always will, love him as your son!
He is your child!!! I will never stop hugging my child if he wants to be hugged. If you don't want to lay down with him, have him sit next to you---Does he have other issues? Is this new behavior or has he always wanted alot of connection with you?
M
Some of my best talks with either of my parents was laying on their bed. There is a closeness and intimacy you get from just staring at the celing and talking. That is your time to enjoy who he is as a person. It is not sexual for goodness sake. He wants to be close to you. The fact that he wants that time with you at 17 is a blessing. Calm down and enjoy your time with him as it is fleeting. I give both of my sons "laying on the bed" time, individually. We just talk and cuddle. They have gotten older and not so much cuddling as just being close. It is good for both of you. I hope they still want to do that at 17. cb
Personally i dont see anything wrong with your son wanting to hug you. I mean i think some kids are more loveable than others. Maybe he hasnt hit that point that most kids do at 11-12 where they feel uncomfortable huging mom or mom hugging them or mom wanting them to lay down & cuddle like you did to them at 5.. My cousin's husband is very close to his mother and she feels uncomfortable when the mother comes into town and he lays down next to her . Maybe to most it would be weird & uncomfortable , but i see it as sometimes some of us never out grow that even if they are now men. I mean dont feel uncomfortabe unless you feel he is doing this with different thoughts in his head.
no you should not. if it makes you very uncomfortable you definatly shouldn't. other than his moments of epilepsy he is a "normal" 17 yr old? if so then this is kind of odd for a 17 yr old boy to find comfort with. try hugs or something more comforting. nice thick blankets are very soothing also. does he have a girlfriend. are his episodes debilitating?
I agree with the moms who say to hug them while you can. Unless something weird has happened to make you feel uncomfy, then enjoy it. Especially if he has Epilepsy, maybe it is comforting and soothing to him. I don't know much about Epilepsy or if there is a rule against laying and hugging, but if there isn't then look at his side of it as he just needs his mommy. I can't imagine that it is easy for him and please just give him all the comfort he needs. Eventually he will find another woman to snuggle with and then you may wish you had him back. I'm sure most moms feel this way anyhow.
If you just feel uncomfortable and can't get around it, then maybe you need to sit down and have a talk. Be compassionate though. Its tough for everyone to grow up and not need mom anymore.
No. Hug standing up and while sitting down. We should not lay down next to you.
My son has epilepsy, too, a mild form, but we have the same guidelines for him as we do for our other children. Our neurologist suggested this--- makes the kids feel less "handicapped" or needy by being treated like the siblings.
