Need Neighbor Boundries. I Feel like I'm Suffocating.

Mary: "What are you doing today?" "Where are you going?"
Me: "Well, first I am having a swingers party in my living room. I will leave the blinds open if you'd like." "Then, I figured I would head to the nearest sex shop. I hear they have some new things in!"

I bet the questioning would stop.

I am not sure if you could do this, but I totally would. You almost have to act this way with people like her. There just comes a point where too much is too much, and nothing you do will help. Except, talk about sex.

If this is too bold for you, the only other option is to tell her you would like a little more privacy, which she would probably take as rude. I still like the swingers party option better.

Don't tell anyone else you are doing this....go to your child's principal and tell them her grandkids can not be in the same class as your child.
Seriously. They will honor your wishes if you care enough to go up there. Make sure you ask her to keep it private as you don't need drama.
You are NOT overreacting. You are being a caring M. and saving yourself untold misery.
(I thought MARY, my neighbor. But you are in Columbus...)

I say quit being so restricted in your choices.....& rejoice that you have a happy, outgoing family who wants to have fun. If you don't want neighbors in your business, then maybe you should live outside of the city! Because you know what, if you have a heart attack.....guess who's going to be there to help? Mary.

I know her attitude toward life is very different from yours....but since you're neighbors, can't you find it within yourself to find the good in her? & to actually run away to another park to play.....wow, how sad!

I would become a broken record, "When my children can play, we'll let you know." I would ignore her other questions. Where are you going? When will you be back? Who are you playing with today - can all be answered, "When my children can play, we'll let you know." Then go on with your day.

You might also need to teach your kids to answer like that, too. They're not being rude. She is. That's a perfectly acceptable response, even if it doesn't satisfy Mary.

You can also cut her off when she gossips by saying, "It's not my business so I'm not going to discuss it."

I think you need to have a few comebacks in mind the next time you run into Mary and she starts in with the questions. I'd try a friendly smile, wave, "Hi Mary" Then when she starts in, very nicely say, "sorry, I'm not really feeling up to conversation today." Or "I'll have to talk to you later, I'm really busy today." If she says "busy with what?" say "oh, a little of a lot of things" or answer an upbeat "I'm not really sure" or "I haven't decided yet" when she wants to know your specific plans for today. It sounds like she's just a talker and likes to gossip. You don't have to play along. She'll get the hint eventually that you're not going play that game. If you like the daughter and especially if you like the kids, I would grit my teeth, keep things quick and friendly with Mary, just so as not to burn bridges. And let the school thing work itself out. Same vague answers if she starts in on the PTA, teachers, families, activities, etc.

It sounds like Mary is the problem, not her grandson so I think you're making a huge leap that this child will inhibit your child's ability to make friends and focus in school. Is there only one class at each grade level? If so, then talk with the teacher ahead of time and ask that they not be seated directly near each other. If there are two sections, ask that they be placed separately.

In this case because she is so blunt in her asking and is simply not picking up on your cues, I would tell her that you enjoy her family, but that you really don't feel like you need to give her the details of your day. Ask her if she realizes that she asks you the same question every day. She may not realize that she's bothering you, but if you don't tell her it will continue.

This situation stinks because you really either have to just deal with it or say something and deal with the consequences. Good luck.

Oh the joys of having a grandma next door with her daughter and her kids there constantly.

Been there..done that. We moved! Seriously we did. But ours was a more serious situation because the grandkids next door ranged in age so my kids played with the younger kids outside but the older ones would come by and were talking very sexually explicitly with my kids...and on multiple occasions the older boys tried to touch my daughter. We called the cops on them...and it still happened again. All these incidences happened when kids were being watched and checked on. We moved. But before we moved my husband(after many talks with them) told them in no way shape or form are the grandkids allowed on our property and our kids will not be playing with them. They broke our trust one too many times and the kids need therapy...but you can't help people that are in denial.

It was a sad situation because we loved our gorgeous home...our other neighbors. But God sent us a lifeline with a job promotion and the company moved us and bought our previous home....in this market it really seemed to us as a gift from God.

Ok...so that is my story. Sorry that took so long to show you that I understand your feelings of being suffocated in your own neighborhood....in your own home...not wanting to make eye contact. I felt trapped that we couldn't play outside for fear of the kids running out to play...or when we played in the backyard the grandkids played in their yard and were constantly yelling over the fence to play. Arghhh...this is bringing back memories.

I would do the broken record reponse as mentioned before. Plan outings away from home often and don't tell your child ahead of time so as not to blow your cover. Smile and wave as you pass by in your car or as you hurry in your home. I put signs on my door that said "Thanks for stopping by but we are busy and cannot play now." and on the other side it said "Thanks for stopping by, we can play." We rarely used the latter.

Oh...I can just feel your dread as you drive into your neighborhood and see them out on the front lawn and running up to your car to play. I have been there. Don't worry about school. The odds are they won't be in the same class...and the neighbor kids will have a whole playground of kids to play with. Your neighborhood is isolated and your home is just a beacon for them to run to because it has kids.

Good luck. Breathe..one...two...three... and set your boundaries. When you do have conversations with neighbor..steer the conversation away from gossip..away from personal info..keep it very superficial. Soon your relationship should change. Stand up and just say let's not gossip about others. She should get tired of not being able to dictate the conversation.

Start having some information around about some senior centers in the area and when Mary starts bombarding you about your schedule, start handing her cards/brochures about seniors activities.
Have some scheduled play time with the grand kids next doors, but also schedule time at other activities and when Mary asks - say "Sorry but we're busy today. We can get together at (what ever your scheduled play time is). See you later! Bye!" then finish what ever you are doing and walk away.
You could also tell Mary about some play groups she might like to take the kids to so she gets to meet other Moms/Grandparents.
It really sounds like Mary is bored and socially isolated and is clinging to you like a life raft.
You might help her find activities to keep her busy and meeting other people who might be closer to her own age.

I think the positive side to this is as the children go to school they will have more friends and not have to solely rely on your children for play dates, etc.
In regards to Mary, that is a generational thing to want to always be in contact and communication with neighbors, etc.
If you are not sharing things with her, she may feel it is her "duty" to cary the conversation by constantly asking questions that are, to her, seemingly neutral and should be easy to answer. I just say this because my mother is very similar and it is her way to scout out different topics to see which is most comfortable to discuss.
Good luck with the next year and I honestly believe mary has no desire to get the play-by-play of your daughter when she has her own grandchilren around :)

If her grandkids are actually living and going to school in your town soon they'll make new friends-- maybe someday soon Mary will be so busy driving her grandkids to playdates of their own with their new school friends that she won't have time for the daily interrogation

You can go to the school and request they not be in the same class, assuming your school has more than 1 classroom per grade. This is not an unusual request. You can ask that the other family not be informed of your request.

not sure what to say but i do feel for you, we have a similar situation this year that will get awkward soon. i'm not comfortable letting my kids play at their house (they have some older teenagers that are rebellious and into things i don't want my kids exposed to) , and they've been biking outside every day... at some point i'm going to have to say that they can play here but not there and i'm not sure how to explain it nicely to my kids and their kids...

There is always the "oh I have so much to do I gotta go" and walk away as your saying it. Playing dumb is always an easy out or way to avoid it. If she says anything tell her its a side effect from your meds. Too imature? We often tell our loud cave man neighbor boy that he cannot play because our son got into trouble or he is napping or i dont feel well. When I have a headache they go to his house. Although I don't have this problem myself I do have a grandmother that is the exact person your describing (with out the grand kids). The only way it gets through to her is when someone told her to "keep your nose out of it and mind your own business" (i think there was a curse word in there too). I personally avoid the situation and am not very direct because I have no tact. I will tell the kid "your driving me nutts you gotta go home" . If my neighbors got way too in my face I would have to tell them so. When my "Mary" of a grandmother was hunting her neighbors they would stop watering there plants and go inside right to her face with out saying a word. Try to be kind but if it isnt working set your boundary the way you can. Good luck. Let us know what worked for you.