Need Internet Communication Tool for Custody/visitation & Co-parenting Therapist

Updated on November 12, 2008
M.R. asks from Glendale, CA
6 answers

Hi,
My ex and I are trying to implement a set up for online communication regarding custody/visitation/co-parenting. We currently have no other form of communication (believe me, I've tried).
Does anyone know of an online service for online communication?

We have been trying to use MyFamilyWizard.com, which has an online calendar and ways to send messages back and forth. It would fit our needs, except, that I have some concerns about security. My ex signed us up, inputting inaccurate information in for me, creating problems for me when I try to use it. Here is my concern with them: Twice they have sent my user ID and password to email addresses that were not verified as being me. First, I emailed them, and without question, they emailed me back with the info, then my ex emailed them and requested that they send my id and password to an email address that he designated, and they did it! They actually allowed someone else to have MY private information sent out to an email address that I did not authorize. I am astounded. Given the dangerous nature of my ex, and that we are in divorce trial right now, there are serious concerns about the potential dangers in this - like he could have used my sign on and posted messages pretending to be me. I'm not being paranoid here. This person has also spied on my computer (he's a high tech guy), he shows up to all visitations wired with cameras and recorders, and has done numerous things to try to entrap me (ie, asking me to call to remind him to return my son's jacket, and then telling the court that I am calling him for non emergency reasons). My point with this is that I need a safe means of communication, that is also confidential. We used to have a log book but it just is not safe nor efficient (it goes to school in my son's backpack).
Any help with this would be greatly appreciated!

Oh, and I'd also like suggestions for a really good co-parenting therapist, preferably in a reasonable price range. We need one who is oriented toward the best interest of our son and finding loving solutions to things. The therapist would also need to be pretty skilled, as my ex exhibits sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies. I'm not looking for anyone to take sides. I want someone who can keep things on track for peace and staying focused on our son. We're in Glendale, so geographically convenient would be great.
If you don't have a suggestion, just hold us in prayer for peace.
Thanks!
M.

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So What Happened?

Okay, so I believe that a lot of people here have gotten the wrong message here.
First of all, let me be very clear that my son's Highest Good is priority number one for me. I do not speak ill of his father to him, and I do not involve him in any of this.
That said, I tried to request what I needed here without going into stories. I only added minimal extra info to let you know that I do have security concerns.
This is a domestic violence situation. Court orders have mandated the log book and no communication other than the book, which I have worked very hard to have replaced with the online tool so that it can remain confidential and not involve my son.
As for the computer stuff, I'm not talking about your ordinary email hacking. As I mentioned, this man is high tech, as in international technologist level. Being married to him, I know how he prides himself on being able to outsmart security, as well as being a man behind the technology that we use.
Not only is email not an option because of security, it is against court orders.
When this divorce began, despite his behavior, I made a commitment to stay in integrity and to view everything that I do as if it were being viewed by my son, and to ask myself: If my son is witness to my actions, what am I teaching him right now?
I genuinely feel that I have opted for the high road each time, no matter how difficult. I deeply believe that my job is to do what's right in my heart, right for my son, and to make the choices that are the most loving ones that I can make.
This is not an ordinary divorce scenario. You don't know the horrors of what I have been through with this man. I do my best to reassure my son that he has a mom and dad who love him, and to do my best help him feel safe and secure. I am grateful beyond words for the child that we created together, fully aware that it took the exact combination of the two of us to bring into this world this magnificent child.
The request that I made for a safe online communication tool and for a co-parenting therapist are the best things that I can think of to help make this situation better and to facilitate communication and cooperation.
I know that none of you know me or my heart. I must admit that I was a bit stunned at the level of judgment in a lot of the messages. I never wrote that I say anything bad about my ex to my son. That was something that people read into it. The danger that I eluded to is based on actual occurrences too numerous to mention, besides the fact that quite honestly, I don't want to be retelling the story.
Again, my request is very straightforward. I'm looking for an alternative to FamilyWizard.com, and a co-parenting therapist. If anyone has any suggestions on those items, I would sure appreciate them.
Blessings to us all,
M

More Answers

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I say use email and if keeping a calendar between the two of you is important, I think you could utilize Outlook Express or Yahoo?? I'm not that computer savvy but there must be something. I'd keep it simple. Either always using the phone to communicate or always using the computer. The computer is nice because you can print and save all the emails.

Also, knowing your ex wears a wire, etc.. You could use this to your advantage and for your protection as well. If you aren't doing anything wrong than I wouldn't worry about that but he does sound a bit odd.

Oh, and to echo another post. Please please do not talk bad about your husband to your son, even if your husband stoops down to that level. Your son will pay the price. I hope you find someone to help you both co-parent the way your son deserves.

Best of luck to you,

M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi M.,
Why do you need a tool? What is wrong with email? Make sure your password is highly secured.

Use numbers,foreign and alpha charactors.

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T.A.

answers from San Diego on

Skype is a good one it like satelite it fast and easy. Hope it helps

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D.P.

answers from Las Vegas on

I do agree with a lot of the comments, but I don't agree with the attitude of not being concerned for your safey. Just because you were once married doesn't mean a thing. I am sure it was during your marriage you discovered his tendencies - possibly this is what lead to the divorce. Anyway - I suggest that you set up an email account just for your communications with your x - nothing else. I also agree there is was a real security breach in the online organization sending out your info to someone other than you. I also agree to keep your son out of everything - period! He should carry anything between you to or hear your conversations. My husband and his ex had a terrible time communicating at first. That is when we went to online email communications. It eliminated voice tone and lies - it was all in print. After they used this method for years they now can communicate but still prefer the email method. Also - where are you located? I have suggestions for counseling in my area. If you need some help let me know. D.

C.C.

answers from Visalia on

hi M.

my sister had a creep for a husband as well. he tried to use a cell phone on her name and she received a bill. she has a password on some of her bills now. i believe you when you say that you never talk bad about your boys father in front of him. my sister lives with me and never have we said anything about that family in front of the child, only to ourselves in private. so it can be done. in a domestic violent situations the child needs instructions regarding that, meaning, the father can go to school and get the child out. so at times the child has to be involved, they have to know that dad is not allowed to take them cause he can't behave. if your boy needs to carry a log book then so be it.

i would go to a family lawyer or a mediator and ask them if there is a communication tool out there. or go to best buy and ask a geek . . . lol.

have you tried text messaging, i don't think ur ex can hack into that. pick a day out of the week to text and then block his number until that day arrives, unless of course you don't want him to know your cell number. maybe a cricket that has a pay as you use or something like that. use that phone for only communicating with him by texting.

i would stay away from the computer if your ex can hack. its like playing into his hands. its like leaving you car keys in the car, for a burglar.

sorry if i'm rambling on. i hoped i helped alittle . . . good luck.

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L.A.

answers from San Diego on

Send emails back and forth. Change your password weekly if you need to. Never mention the "dangerous nature" of your ex ~ or use words such as sociopathic and narcissistic. He is your son's father. At some point you thought enough of him to marry him and create a child. Your son should not have anything to do with the difficulties between you two, including having to carry a log book back and forth. Your concerns about the safety of MyFamilyWizard seem overblown, to be perfectly honest. This is not national security. This is communication via a website about your son because two grow adults cannot do it over the phone. Take your love talk to heart and be an adult for your son's sake.

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