Need Input Regarding Daughter Who Started Kindergarden at 4 - San Jose,CA

Don't borrow trouble. Wait and see how it goes. If she needs to be "retained" , the school will let you know and then decide.

I am a teacher and studies show that holding kids back does NOT work in the long run. Also, if kids are older in high school they are more likely to drop out.

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My younger daughter was moved from Pre-K into Kinder in October (Pre-K teacher said it was more appropriate for her academic level, and felt she was mature enough). My daughter will be graduating from Kindergarten this week, and will be moving on to first grade in the fall. She's turning 5 next month, so she is a full year younger than most of the kids in her class. But it works for her. She is right with them academically and has made plenty of friends. Why hold your child back because it is fashionable? To me, this seems like a declaration to your child that you don't think they are smart enough to do what other kids their age are doing. (Not something I want to say to my child!) One size does not fit all children. You have to do what is right for your child.

My older daughter has a September birthday and was 4 when she started Kinder. She is at the very top of her class, scores above the 95% in all areas of standardized testing, and has tons of friends. She's going into third grade in the fall and will turn 8. I can't imagine having held her back.

Have you spoken with her kindergarten teachers regarding how well she did this year and whether or not she's ready?

Age is irrelevant in my opinion. Different kids have different exposures prior to kindergarten and different interests in learning. Our son is almost 4, and we're convinced he'll be reading on his own before kindergarten simply because he's so interested in letters and sounding things out - we'll encourage him, but we won't push him for bragging rights.

Being held back can be a little traumatic, but I think it affects kids more when they get older and establish different friendships. If you think she needs to mature academically and socially, I don't see an issue at this age.

But, my husband I firmly believe that, though the school is primarily responsible for education, it doesn't stop when they come home. So, when we were picking our house and moved into a slightly less-acclaimed school system, we realized that it's our job as parents to re-inforce what they're doing at school for their own future benefit.

If it were my child, based upon the information you've provided, I'd send her to 1st grade and work with her on the side (even if a tutor is needed) to make sure she's keeping pace with what's expected.

Good luck with your decision.

I agree with the don't borrow trouble opinions. If she's doing well academically and is on par with maturity, the only thing you need to make sure you do is have the "talks" with her a bit earlier than you might have anticipated. My daughter is an Aug birthday and the youngest in her class.

By 2nd grade there were girls & boys who had been late starters so she was still 7 and they were turning 9 in Oct/Nov. Big difference in shows they watch, books they read (as far as content, not level) etc. Both girls were shaving, wore bras and one of the girls even got her period in the 2nd grade!

The same thing will happen with driving and dating - she will be 14 and may have friends that can drive and/or date. She may be 13 in a class with a boy who is turning 15. Lots of girls in high school start being sexually active around 15-16 and your daughter will be 13 and may have these girls as friends.

Is that a reason to hold her back? I don't think so, but it did make me more "on my game" so to speak with making sure she has info I want her to have BEFORE she learns it first hand from friends who are experiencing it. I just do a TON of talking and listening so that she really understands that just because her friends are doing it, it might not be the right decision for her. And then I just hold my breath and pray!!!!!!!

Good Luck!

My son has a buddy with a late August birthday, so although he started K at 5, he had just turned 5. He is doing fine and keeping up with his peers in first grade in every way--socially, physically, academically. Is your daughter struggling in any of these ways? If not, she'll be just fine in first grade in the fall. Good luck!

I think this really depends on your daughter. How has she been handling K? Academically? Socially? What does her teacher have to say?

As long as she's doing well, I don't think you need to worry about keeping her on the track she's on.

A lot of this is personal decisions. I too have read a lot of the posts about holding kids back. It seems to mostly be based on kids' maturity levels, ability to listen, sit still and academically keep up.

I would never tell someone else what's right for their child. They know their child best. We have never held our kids back. And they have done just fine.

You actually have more to fear if you hold her back, which unfortunately is the trend and "feels" like the right thing.

If she is to have any issues later that you do not foresee now, she is better off being the youngest in her grade because intervention is always provided based on grade, not age, and you could get her into specified, targeted intervention a year earlier, and for reading, that can be imperative.

There is are also issues with children once they reach upper levels of high school, kids who are older than their peers are more likely to use drugs, drop out, and be involved with the juvinile justice system.

Since your daughter is withint weeks of the cut off, days in some areas, I would not worry about this if she is doing fine.

I was on the younger side, and I did fine. I have one who is an October baby, so she is on the older side, and she does fine. I would say, as close as she is to the cut off, you should not risk her esteem and how she would feel if you held her back, she might assume something was wrong with her or that she had done something wrong.

M.

She will do fine. Our daughter was a very late summer child and she always did well in school.

Her teachers would have spoken to you about holding her back if they felt there was a problem.

I struggled with this for two years myself. I still question if I did the right thing. The bottom line is your the mom and you have your gut to listen too. No one should influence you in anyway. I have a aug bday daughter...she was ready....so she did 1st grade this year and has done awesome. She is not the top of her class nor the bottom of her class. She is making a's and b's and I am good with that. She is very social ( which is what most schools look at ...maturity ) however she is sensitve and still handles things a little uneasy as most 1st graders, but it is getting better and she is getting stronger. She is the last to turn 7 but as tall and acedemicly stronger then some 7/8 year olds.......so it is really your child and how she performs in school with her studies....if she will sit and do the work and be disapline. I have heard many teachers say.......it is when they get to 4,5 grade where the age will show up to be harder for them. But I truly feel in my heart that as much as I doubt it, she is doing fine and all teachers are good with that....so I needed to let go and just accept my decision. And you will be able too also..... K and 1st are easy grades to repeat with out a huge devestation.......so you have time to see how she does. Once 1st starts , you can always send her back to K.

If she was ready and did well in Kindergarten there is no need to hold her back. I am so glad I waited to put my son in Kindergarten because he needed the time to mature. My daughter turned 5 just before Kindergarten and did amazing. I wish I could put my four year old in because she is so ready. If you are that concerned, talk to her teacher. Although if the teacher hasn't mentioned anything to you, your daughers most likely doing just fine.

Please try not to beat yourself up over this. If she is mature enough for it and is understanding the schoolwork, then she should be fine. My daughter just turned 5 when she started kindergarten and now is 6 in 1st grade. She is doing great. Alot of her classmates are "older", but they all are doing fine. I know it feels like it's the "trend" to have kept the kids back, but that's what worked for those parents and this is what works for you. I felt a little of it when my daughter started kindergarten. If you're feeling unsure about how your daughter is doing, I would suggest having a meeting with the teacher and he/she can tell you how she's doing and then you can figure out what will work best for your child. Bottom line...if she is mature enough and getting the material, then I would say she's ready for 1st grade.

If she's doing well and her teachers don't seem worried about her 1st grade readiness, don't worry. One of my girls' best friends also started K at 4 and turned 5 in September, they're finishing up second grade now and honestly no one can tell that she's almost year younger than a lot of her classmates. (and my daughter is also reminding me that another classmate turned 4 during K and is thriving now in 2nd grade and is one grade level ahead in math - every kid is different so don't worry if yours isn't doing what the "majority" are if she's where she needs to be to fit her development/aptitude)

While it varies from child to child, mostly I hear that boys do better if started in school a little on the later side. Where my son goes to school, you had to be 5 yrs old by the end of Sept in order to start Kindergarten. My son's birthday is end of October, so he's one of the oldest in his class. Only kids whose birthdays are in early October are older than him (and he's still the tallest in his class). He's doing very well. Straight A's, gifted, and he's scored 100 percent on every SOL test he's every taken since we moved and put him into public school.
Since girls usually mature ahead of boys, starting them later is usually not as big a deal. If she's doing fine and she's happy and her teacher thinks she's doing great, don't fix what isn't broken.

Stop worrying. I started kindergarten at 4, it started in late August and I turned 5 on 9/13. I was always one of the youngest in my classes but I graduated in the top 1% of my HS and went on to get a B.S. and an M.A.

All of the answers about how quickly kids grow up are also an answer about parenting and how some of us actively parent and unfortunately, some do not. If your daughter's teacher sees no academic reason to hold her back then let her move on. You should never hold a child back if she/he is doing well academically.

Good luck! C.

Hi Kat! As someone who started school the same age as your daughter I can tell you the pros and cons. I remember I didn't feel the age difference so much until junior high and high school. I don't think I was as emotionally mature as the other kids although I did great and made straight A's academically. When the kids in my grade started having boyfriends and being interested in guys I was honestly grossed out by it and didn't feel the need to follow suit. In high school I began hanging out with the students a grade below me because I think I felt I had more in common with them. I honestly am glad that my parents didn't hold me back because I was able to start college at 17 and could have finished at 21 but decided to take a semester off, so I ended up graduating at 22, where as most of my friends didn't graduate until 23 or even 24 in some cases. I feel that it honestly helped me to start school earlier even though my peers were a year older than myself. As long as she is doing well academically then I wouldn't worry about her.

Starting a child to kindergarten at 4 is fine. My son (now 31) started at 4 years old and I made that decision probably the way you did. He was smart and probably advanced because of pre-school and had no problem adjusting at all with the older kids. Now a days people have an opinion on everything and everything is bad in one way or another. If we continually lived our lives out like that I think it would be a terrible thing.

Do what feels right for you and your child. Don't worry about what other people say. It is your child not theirs and each circumstance and reason is different. You know your daughter best.

R.

I would hold off until the end of the year and see what her teacher suggests. If her teacher suggests that you hold her back then do it. If she thinks that she would be fine to move on, move her on. BOTH of my kids started kindergarden at age 4 and turned 5 shortly after. They both are doing fine and have had no further issues. But I think that the important thing is to listen to the teachers assessment. She is going to know best what is required in 1st grade and what she needs to be prepared for and if she is prepared or not. I will never forget my sons 1st grade teacher complaining about some of the kids who the kindergarden teacher said that they should stay back and the parents didn't want to keep them back and now they are SSOO far behind, and had a VERY difficult time adjusting to 1st grade. I think that you need to talk to her teacher and see what she says. I think that the decision does not necessarily need to be made according to age, but according to each individual childs capability to handle the environment that they are going into. Good Luck!!

Listen to her teacher. I'm sure she'll do fine.

I started my daughter at 4, and she just graduated with an A average.

We are holding our son back next year. Not so much for academics, but because he struggles with sitting still etc. and lets the older kids in the class boss him around. Like you, we felt one more year of Pre-school wouldn't benefit him so we put him in Kindergarten at 4 with the idea that he may need 2 years of it.
A major reason is that we are more concerned with how being the youngest in class will play out in Jr. High when puberty kicks in than now at the 5-6 year old range. Do you really want your daughter to be 12 in class full of 13-14 year old boys??
I talked with our Pedi about it and she held her daughter back in kindergarten and thinks it's the best thing she ever did. I have 2 friends that are kindergarten teachers and they both told me it's a good idea and they see a lot of kids every year that are just too young for 1st grade.
I would suggest you go sit in on a 1st grade class or talk to some moms of 1st graders - the things they expect the kids to do - like 100 math problems in 5 minutes, being able to read 1000 "sight" words by the end of the year and reading CVC words on their own is a LOT of work for you and your child to prepare for.
One other reason we are repeating K is that a brand new school is being built in our neighborhood and our son will transfer there and K is changing from 3 hours to all day so it will be like Jr. 1st grade and really get him ready for the all day schedule as well as improve his reading skills and hopefully make him more of a leader and less of a follower. ;)
Once we made up our minds - we feel comfortable with the choice - but getting to the point of choosing was tough! Ask a lot of questions! Check out the teachers & curriculum!

If she is doing well don't hold her back.Base your decision on your child and not on what everybody else is doing. If she outgrew preschool then she will probably be bored repeating Kindergarten. Also listen to her teacher,if the teacher is at all concerned about her learning or maturity he/she will let you know.

Is she attending public school? My son was "held back" becasue he didn't make the age cut off in public school and was not allowed to go to 1st grade this year even though he had already completed kindergarden in a private school.
He will turn 7 in September and starting 1st grade- which would make him 2 years older than your daughter and in the same grade- just to give you some perceptive on the age difference she will probably endure throughout her school years.
That being said, if she is ready, send her.

I would trust her teachers, they can gauge her progress. If she is doing well but you are still worried set up an appointment with her teacher and discuss your concerns. You will then find out answers to your questions and that will help stop opinions of others making your decisions for you.
Good Luck!

My son also started at age 4 and turned 5 in Sept. He is now in 2nd grade and is doing fine. I don't see any need to hold a child back if they are ready emotionally. It sounds like the teacher also thinks she is fine to move on. But it is your choice on what you do.

I haven't read the other responses but we had ours skip 2nd. She is doing fine. In fact the only issue I have seen is now, she is 15, and her friends are getting licenses. This is the first time she has said anything about being the youngest.
As far as "too much hugging" on the playground, that should be taken up with the teacher. I am the mom of one of those little boys that has been chased and he was scared to go to school in first grade.

Ask her teachers. If she is excelling and isn't struggling, then she is fine. I believe the problems with starting earlier tend more to be with boys as they mature slower (generally) than girls. I think this issue should be on a child by child case. Some are ready and some are not. Sounds like your daughter is ready. Also, one thing to keep in mind, kids never forget that they were "held" back. For the rest of their school career (and sometimes even beyond) when asked what grade they are in they say "I'm in 4th grade but I should be in 5th grade".

I have a daughter that turned 5 in September. I did not hold her back. She was ready to go and fit in well with her classmates.

She is now at the end of 5th grade and doing well. She socializes with her classmates, she is academically ahead of them, and she is happy where she is. Every day I am sure we made the correct choice.

There are a lot of people that insist that their children be 18 when they graduate and there is some value in that. However, if she is succeeding in kindergarten now and the teacher does not feel that she should be held back, then send her on.

Some kids need the extra socialization or are not meeting the exiting kindergarten milestones. You say the teacher says she is doing great so pass her on.

My son started K at 4 and is doing great. I've never questioned the decision. There is a little girl in his class that started at 4 and is being asked to stay one more year. But she's clearly not learning at the same pace as the others. Each child is different and we, as parents, are asked to make some of the hardest decisions regarding our little little ones and their education. But, you have to make the decision based solely on your daughter and not based on the advise of other mommies. Mine was ready and his teacher is very happy with his progress. I want him to progress with his new friends and will try never to compare them to each other in terms of age or intellect. They'll have enough of that very special brand of comparison later in life.

Dear Kat,
I started my daughter in kindergarten at 4 and have no regrets whatsoever. She was smart as a whip and ready to go. I think I'd have regretted NOT putting her in k when I did.
She did great. She was ready.
It sounds like your daughter is doing just fine so it sounds like there's no need to worry.

Best wishes!

If she is thriving in kindergarten, I wouldn't hold her back. I used to teach first grade and one of my top students turned 6 in first at the end of September. The concern for holding kids back is if they are not socially or academically ready, since they are at the younger end of the spectrum of the kids in their class. If this is not your daughter, you shouldn't worry that you made a mistake.

If she is doing fine socially and academically, I would send her to 1st grade. The holding back is more for boys because they are less mature. The teachers I have spoken to say they notice it mostly in the 6th and 7th grade. They can tell which kids started kindergarten later.

My daughter also started K at 4, and I went through the same anxiety. I actually wanted to hold her back a year before starting K but my husband refused. At the end of her 1st grade year I asked the teacher if I could hold her back and repeat 1st again. Because she was a good reader, they would not allow it. She has always struggled at math, but that didn't matter. They base it on reading, and she was reading above grade level. She is doing okay, but I often regret putting her in at 4. I'm sure if we stop worrying, they will be just fine.

I started my son in kindergarten at 4 and he did fine. When he got to first grade was when we hit the wall. He just was very uncooperative and unwilling to do any work at all despite that he knew how to do it. I pulled him back to Kindergarten and we will be re-trying first grade again next year. Probably not the "positive" experience you wanted to hear but he is doing fine and performing 100x better. You always hear that boys are slower/more stubborn to learn than girls though. If she is showing signs that she is ready then let her go, if not, don't. Don't beat yourself up over it if she's not ready either. I beat myself up for quite awhile but I'm finally at peace with my decision and he is thriving.

I think you should hold her back. It's about Jr High & High School. Do you really want her making decisions about drugs, alcohol, and sex a year early? She will have kids as much as two years older than her in her grade. Remember these issues are reaching our kids at younger ages than for us. My daughter is one of the oldest in her class. She loves it! She was one of the first to get her liscence. This means she is driving, instead of her friend driving her. I prefer that. Also if you don't hold her back, she will be going to college at 17. I don't understand why people want to push their child to grow up so fast, it's hard enough as it is. My kids are 19, 16, 14, & 10. I really didn't appreciate the differences in age until Jr High & then High School. Good luck in whichever you decide.

My daughter's b-day is Aug 22nd and she started kinder a few days before her 5th birthday. She is tied for the youngest in the class (good friend with the same birth date) and has never had a lick of problems because of it. She is now a sophomore in high school and doing extremely well. Her only 'issue' now is that most of her friends are driving and will have more summer freedom and she doesn't get her license until two days before school is back in session! Personally this makes me pretty happy since we live in a busy summer tourist area. :)
I'd say if she is happy and doing well in school, leave her be. This whole keeping kids back is getting a little out of hand.

My two cents...