after months of chemo and now a mastesctomy, my friend just found out that the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes. she will soon start radiation for six weeks straight, 10 minutes a day, five days a week.
she's been very, *very* private about this entire journey. in fact she will only communicate by text or phone. she doesn't want to be seen at all. they have a nanny and food is already being brought in.
what can i do? i've offered to run errands, grocery shopping, etc. the only thing she is requesting is prayers and support.
i've got the prayer thing handled! what can i do to support her? encourage her?
i need ideas!!!
i've thought about mailling her a little note, card, funny picture, something every day or two? i'd send her a mix of encouraging message, funny things, magazines, etc
thanks so much in advance!!!
Just drop her a note and tell her that anytime she needs you-you are there for her. That should suffice.
Hi - there was this posting on my company's bulleting board:
Free Cleaning Service for Women Undergoing Chemo
If you know any woman currently undergoing chemo, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning - 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment. All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor provide a note confirming the treatment.
Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code arrange for the service. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women.
It is our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along.
http://www.cleaningforareason.org
At our church (christian non-demoninational) the sermon yesterday was on how to help those in crisis.
Key take aways were to ask what could you can do to be helpful. Then listen. Be there with the person on their jouney - where they are. Maybe pray with her in her presence. Maybe let her know that you have asked others to pray for her (other friends, others in your church, etc). Do what she has requested not things that will make you feel better or feel that you have done something for her. So if right now she needs privacy give it to her. Send her notes on a regular basis telling her you are praying for her...and if she would like you are available to come over hold her hand and pray with her or whatever else she would find helpful at this time in her journey.
Another suggestion was talk to her about "What feels especially wrong about her situation?” to let yoru friend get out the dark parts of what they are going through. To mourn with those that are morning.
And lastly to help them see the good by asking...."Where are you seeing any good?”
Pastor related that those in crisis often find that those around them...
a) seperate themselves from those in crisis because they don't know what to do or say or don't want to feel or see the pain of their loved one.
b) engage in superficial conversations rather than having real conversations and listening to what your loved one is going through and maybe even being there to cry with them.
c) engage in spiritualizing - saying things like "god doesn't give your more than you can handle" etc.
d) do things that make themselves feel good - instead of the person on crisis.
I am certain that I have not done justice to the powerful sermon that was delivered yesterday and possibly even misquoted it....so if you are interested you can download the pod cast or the text to get the full version. (all free)
Here is the link...
http://www.cc-ob.tv/search.php?resource_id=855
Tell your friend I just said a prayer for her and her family and for you to support her in a meaningful way.
Also I have seen a line of cristian greeting cards intended for those that are going through cancer. You will have to google this.
i like the idea of mailing her something regularly, it keeps her aware that she is in your thoughts without violating the privacy she so clearly needs right now.
you are a good egg.
:) khairete
S.
I love the mail ideas. Add in a gift certificate for a massage, or a mani pedi.
As a cancer survivor -- radiation is surprisingly hard, the routine of going every day, being man-handled like a piece of machinery, the skin reactions... she could probably use some pampering. I received an amazing silk robe and nightgown that was just lovely. But being private, and asking for simple prayers or support she is keeping people away, and I would worry that is keeping her feelings at bay too. I would also suggest looking into support groups in your area. I lived in Chicago at the time and both my future husband and I attended groups at Gilda's Club. See what's around where you are and include information in one of your cards.
The mailing of the cards is a nice gesture. Right now she is only thinking of how she is going to handle the radiation part of her treatment. Yes it is only 10 minutes a day for six weeks but it does take a lot out of you physically.
You must understand that the mastecomy is still being adjusted to mentally. Society places so much on the breasts and now she has none. She may do reconstructive surgery later but right now that is not in the cards. You could possibly send her a journal so that she can write her thoughts down on this part of her journey. I wish I had done this but I was so busy with other things that I didn't think about journaling at the time.
Be there for her in prayer and thought and texting. When this is all over and she feels up to it maybe a nice lunch in a private place.
It is nice that you want to do something for her.
The other S.
Send her that note, cartoon or an encouragement card once or twice per week, it will let her know you are thinking of her and praying for her. Just let her know you're there. She's obviously seeking privacy and that should be respected. :) Google bible verses about encouragement.
You can always drop an occasional batch of goodies for her, kids, hubs......
My mom has Stage 4 breast cancer and is also very private about it. She enjoys getting cards, books, music, etc...
You are so sweet to think of your friend and want to support her.
R.
