Dearest S. ~
I raised a boy - he's much neater than my girl. You do your best to teach them all the things they'll need to know when they're out on their own, with whatever means work: incentives, restrictions, etc... Ultimately, they will live their lives as they see fit. My son was on his own for a year and known to his roommates as "The Apartment Nazi". He is now, literally, a soldier. He lives back home now, as he's preparing to be gone for 3 months in the National Guard. I just have to say, what a pleasure and honor it is for me to do his laundry. I know I don't have to, as he's perfectly capable himself, but some pleasures of being a Mom never go away.
I had a very fun and interesting time with my 15 yr old daughter in the laundry room just the other day. She brought down a load of clothes and asked if she could do them. "Of course", I said, "Let's check out what You've got". She had some REALLY badly stained panties from her period and I proceeded to show her how to get the blood out with Shout. Just then, her friend called, and she was telling her friend how "brave" I was to be scrubbing blood out of her panties with a tooth brush! It was HYSTERICAL! FUN FUN FUN! Try to make life FUN and lighthearted. Work goes so much faster and easier when you are having fun!
When our children grow up and find mates, how they keep their house will be a joint effort on their part, just like you and your husband. It will not be your place to come in and criticize. Just do your best now and let the chips fall where they will. And ALWAYS keep in mind that a clean and pure heart is SO much more important than a spotless room!
I wish you the best! ~ K.