sounds a lot like my hair as a child and my daughter's....
Products: Shampooing everyday is not necessary. I use regular shampoo for my daughter, on occasion I use curly hair shampoo/product which gives it good body when air drying. If her hair is very fine, conditioner will weigh it down, and might even pull down the curl. If her hair is more on the course side, conditioner might be needed if it gets dry. I use detangler if it is very tangled.
Don't go to bed with wet hair. Dry it before going to bed.
Use a soft brush. Brush don't comb. Only use the comb as needed to part.
Detangling:
Brush...gently. Or work through it with your fingers gently until a brush will go through it.
If she gets a knot, and the hair is long enough hold it above the knot you are trying to comb out.
Recognize that it hurts to have a knot in you hair. It sometimes hurts to have your hair brushed and combed out even without a not.
I remember crying having my hair combed. My daughter hates the comb. Soft brush Mommy!!!
When wet you can use a little product and work through it with your fingers or a pick, the kind with wide teeth, not the thin teeth ones you use for teasing.
Styling:
Don't try to secure the hair with the pony tail holders that are made of that cloth like elastic. Get the elastic ones, they come in packets of hundreds, there little and you can make a lot of little holds. They are also disposable, if the get stuck in the hair they can be snipped out without pulling on the hair.
(you'll be able to use the other style pony holders later, when her hair has more fully grown in)
To secure the hair with barretts use the kind that snap, the drug store barretts that are plastic and snap. The come in packages with every color imaginable and different designs. You can use the ones that open and clamp on the hair for style, but they will not hold the hair firmly enough.
If the hair is not long enough to fit back into one pony tail or two side "pig" tails, pull the top back and make a top pony, and then make a low pony if the back hair is long enough. Or pull back small chunks of the front hair and tie them together and then work them into the back. OR secure the front parts with baretts and then part the hair down the middle in back and make two pig tails behind the front barretted hair. Be creative. Braid the front hair down the side and pull the back into a pony.
When I was older I slept with braids in my hair to prevent tangling, but they won't stay in toddler hair.
DO NOT cut her hair just to manage it. True, shorter is easier and less painful, but I still remember feeling robbed of my curls when my mother cut my hair for a trip to make styling easy. SHORT.
DO cut her hair to help style it. If it has grown in so the lengths are awkward or parts are curly other parts are straight. Go to a stylist who can even it out.
Sitting to have your hair done.... this is a tricky one. Get fast at a few styles and since they have to be done every day make fixing the hair as routine as putting on your shirt. I imagine this is the same issue regardless of hair type?
Don't let her hate her hair.
I hated my hair for years because it was not straight, nor did it have the curl I want. As an adult, I suppose my hair would be considered wavy. But the fine texture makes it fly away. If I try to "curl" it, I can end up like a poof ball. BUT there are many GOOD things about this hair type. I have TONS of hair. I can wear my hair curly or straight. I can wear it short or long in many styles and it adapts. Overall, I like my hair and am glad my daughter's hair is similar, though I do hope her curl is more pronounced and her hair gets courser as she gets older:)
I love styling my little girl's hair, and if you focus on how cute they look in their pig tails, ponies, ringlets, and can be fun!
PS i have a girl friend whose daughter has curly hair and won't wear clips or ponies, she wets it and lets it dry in bouncy ringlets. I think she adds curl cream on occasion. It is gorgeous hair and never falls in the girl's face. So try the wetting method and styling might not be an issue for you at all!
BTW: This doesn't work for us, my daughter looks like Jane of the jungle if I don't style her hair every day, actually often two or three times a day!