Ok, first, if you marriage was ok before he quit his job, then this is one of the "worse" parts of marriage and you should give yourself a year to try to adjust. So make up your mind that you are going to get through the first year of him not being in the military any more, and then reevaluate the marriage issues.
Second, you appear to have a money problem, a communication/consideration issue. The C/C problem is the biggest one I see, and you may need professional help here. Have you ever considered marriage counseling -- together or on your own. He needs to better understand your medical issues and how you feel. You also need to understand that he feels like a failure and real bad about himself, since his plan didn't work out -- at least that is my guess. However, he needs to come to grips with the fact that that is how he feels.
In December 2004 I quit my job because I was pg with our son. The plan was for me to take 2 years off and then go back to work. Five years later, I still don't have a job. A week after our son was born, my husband found out his job was ending in 18 months. In December of 2006 my husband became unemployed for the first time in his life. He had worked for the same place since he was a teenager. He didn't know what to do. He finally got a job after three months of no work, but it paid 30% less than what he had been making. We had money saved so we could do ok. We figured one of us would get another job in a year or two and it would be ok. Five years later I still don't have a job, and he has gotten some raises but is no where near where he was earning. He has been depressed and felt like a failure for most of this time. As if all this wasn't bad enough, our son was diagnosed with epilepsy and celiac disease -- lots of medical bills. (This is also part of why I don't have a job.) When we try to talk about this and make decisions about things like the house, we can no longer afford, he just yells and says he is a failure. This is really hard for him as a human being and as a man.
This has been really stressful. My Dad also died in March which was really hard for me because my Dad and I were really close. However, in all this I still love my husband. I still like watching sports, and TV with him. We still enjoy movies, and card games. Find something you like doing with your husband and try to find an hour to avoid the issues that are bothering you. It can really help you remember why you love this man, and give you some perspective to help you deal with the rest of this.
That all said, if you really would rather die then live like this. Do you want to live without this man in your life? Are you ready to never see him again? If so may plans to leave and divorse him. You wouldn't be the first person, for whom work/money problem became the last straw. Chances are if this is pushing you this far, then there are other problems in the relationship. However, you could just be having a bad day ... only you can answer the tough questions.
Best of luck! One last thing, five years from now things will be different -- what do you want it to look like? What are you going to do to make it that way?
