Need Help with Teenage Sibling Rivalry

So how is it going now?
I think my profile says it, but if not I have 20 ds, 19 dd, almost 15 ds.

My kids are not allowed to talk bad to each other--never have been. This stuff starts in preschool. To curb it right now I would cut off everything and start from scratch.

In other words if they can go a week with no fights/sarcasm/mean teasing/snickers, etc. then they get to use the computer for a day or two. I mean it is tough but that is what it takes to motivate teens. They seem to think it is their God given right to have everything their way. It is our job to show them it is not. ;-)

I kept a kid for 1.5 years (13 yr girl) and she was raised fighting with sibs. I told her in my house that does not happen. You can't be nice, then you don't need to talk, be on the computer, be on the phone, use the tv, get a ride to friends, go shopping, go out to eat, anything.

She still was not the nicest, but she learned 'shut-up' is not a word around here. Interrupting is totally ignored and even penalized, etc. Your house, your rules. Even if the older one does not live there she needs to follow those rules while she is visiting under your roof.

Oh, and she is not the one that needs to demand respect. She needs to see if she is giving respect! :-0 Age has nothing to do that with that! All people need to evaluate that if they want to be respected.

Good luck,
ts

At 17 he probably thinks he knows it all and he's a MAN now. My 15 yr old nephew is going through that stage. Nothing anyone say's is right, he's right.
My only suggestion is to take it in stride. Are there any consequences for his behavior when he does that to your daughter? Does your daughter say anything to him when he talks to her, interrupts her?
I don't have any real good advice - other than reminding your kids that you are the adult and you don't like that behavior. Like the pp said, start taking away the extras. If he doesn't act right, he shouldn't get the goodies that you give him.
Good luck!
I hope things calm down on the homefront for you.

W.

I understand your situation...my six siblings and I are all very close in age, and my children are as well. My parents made it clear to us that even if we were 18, if we lived in their house, it was their rules. They (as I am) were strict when it came to respecting ALL in the house. Remember, you are the boss in your house. If your son refuses to obey your rules, you MUST have strict consequences. He may be a "man" in stature, but he's still a boy in your home. Crack the whip! Cut off his "extras" if he continues to disrepect the people in your home. Good luck!

I also have two grown daughters and a 14 year old son. My son gets along great with the 2 older girls but my 19 and 22 yr old are forever at each other. Mostly I think it is a personality difference. Just because they are siblings.. doesn't mean they will get along. I tried a long time ago to keep the peace between my girls but I found in the end is to keep encouraging them to work it out themselves. They each need to learn to get along with other people... forever they will have issues with people they work with, or neighbors or friends.. they have to learn to work these differences of personalities out themselves. I have been telling my girls over and over that I will not be in thier lives forever to fix things between them and that they are forever sisters and should try to give the other the benefit of the doubt. It's interesting when I watch my girls and see how much they "bend" for a friend.. but expect that they shouldn't have to do so for a sister. I tell them all the time.. you should be giving your own sister more than what you give your friends. But bottom line, it's between the two of them. You can encourage them each separately to remember that they are siblings and will want to be there for each other in the future and to try and get along but they have to do it on thier own. My girls are both in college now and are starting to learn to get along a lot better. They still each call me and gripe about the other but I keep it all in confidence and help them understand how I think the other is thinking since I do know them better after all these years. Good luck!
W.

I think you should sit down with your son and discuss everyone's right to be treated with respect. Everyone should be treated with respect no matter their age. Then you should offer consequences if he chooses to continue to disrespect his sister, ie. taking away cell phone or phone priveleges.