I dealt with a huge list of allergies in my older two children. There are some good recipe books available for people with allergies, but I still often had to substitute for some ingredients that they were allergic to. I ended up mostly experimenting on my own and using regular recipes with substitutions. They ate very simple foods made from only a few ingredients most of the time.
My sister's son is autistic, and she dealt with both his allergies and extremely picky eating habits, just as you are. He would only eat Cheerios and a few other things. She would literally painstakingly stuff other food into the centers of the Cheerios, like nut butters, to get some other nutrition into him.
Other people are probably going to try to give you all sorts of advice that might work for some regular kids. (But frankly, with a very picky eater, little of that advice works....those people are usually blessed with kids who are easier to feed.) One common bit of advice that is NOT likely to work with a child on the autistic spectrum is the advice to "don't give him anything else except for the food(s) you want him to try, and he'll eventually get so hungry that he'll eat it." Well, maybe not! My sister tried this, and her son literally was starting to pass out from hunger after refusing to eat any of the new foods for two full days. An unconscious kid wasn't going to eat anything new!
Don't feel bad when mothers with less challenging children offer advice. Your son is unique and special, and eventually, you'll figure out what works for him.
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NEW ADDITION:
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Gretchen,
I recognize that you had very good intentions when you wrote this. You sincerely want to be helpful. But have you ever spent a few hours with a child who has an Autistic Spectrum Disorder?!? I doubt it, or you would know that they are very, very, very different from your children who do not have any special needs.
You said:
"If your son is like the nephew of the other M., the one who passed out (Diane's note: NEARLY passed out), I would guess there is more going on there than just picky eating. Was he getting fluids? And, I'm not suggesting offering him ONLY healthy food, but just start giving him some of each."
In answer:
YES, SOMETHING ELSE WAS GOING ON......HE'S AUTISTIC!!!!!!
Yes, he drank a normal amount of fluids (but would only cooperate with drinking certain fluids, mainly water). People who drink fluids but don't eat will still suffer the effects of no food intake.
The child isn't selecting "unhealthy" vs. "healthy" food. He's four. He's autistic. He has a sensory processing disorder. He's choosing what feels right to him in his mouth (his senses are all working as though the volume is turned up, including the sense of touch), what tastes acceptable to him (with a sense of taste that may be out of whack), and what he doesn't remember as making him feel bad (many Autistic Spectrum kids have digestive and allergy issues).
My sister has had to suffer all sorts of judgments about her being "controlling" (often from people who have never spent any time with her or her son, or are ironically trying to control HER), "neglectful" (she spends most of her waking hours caring for this child in very loving ways), or "uninformed" (she's done so much research, she could write books on nutrition and treatment options for Autism Spectrum, allergies, and more).
The fact is, every single one of these people were either uniformed, are under-informed. As you are. Good intentioned, but uninformed or under-informed.
Adding new ideas can possibly help no matter what one's background may be, but it is impossible to have much understanding about this problem if have neither a picky eater, nor a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I believe that you mean well. However, sometimes well-meaning advice inadvertently hurts mothers who are already pouring their heart and soul into trying to help their special needs child.
The term says it all: their needs are special. Ordinary handling doesn't work for them.
S., you have an extremely tough job, and you are certainly giving your son a thousand acts of love every single day. Few mothers would have an easy time coping with just ONE of the issues you must manage with your son. (She wrote me about more of the challenges of trying to feed him while navigating multiple disorders that impact what he can eat.)
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