Need HELP with My Almost 3 Year Old!!!!

I have a three-year old (almost four)son and an one year old son. The older one is very high energy and occassionally is too rough with his younger brother (even though generally he is very careful and concerned with him). I have noticed it gets worse when he feels he is not getting enough attention and if he is watching cartoons that are "wild"... I do not know if those situations come up with your older son, but if you can pinpoint and address the root of the behavior, it might alleviate some of it. That said, I think boys do tend to be more physical - especially around this age. He needs to know that he can direct this energy into fun games of some sort but never at people. I think it is also very important to not allow a lot of fun "rough housing" or play with violent toys, etc. and then be trying to teach him not to hit and kick. It is hard for a kid of this age to tell when he has crossed the line, especially when he is excited. I think you will find that the positive reinforcement works better and better as time goes on - maybe some sort of sticker reward system would be useful. Well, I hope that you find a way to address this! Good luck!

Make sure your 3 year old is getting enough 1:1 time with you it may be a jealously thing or attention getter.
Also whatever you do time outs or what not make sure you are ALWAYS consistent! I like the idea of stickers and charts to reward good behavior instead of time outs. Some kids need different types of discipline.

My son was a lot younger than your son when he would hit, pull hair, ect. We just kept telling him no in a stern voice and removed him from the situation (he was too young for time outs, he was about 15 months) I still tried time out but it was pointless. But I just did not put up with his hitting and kept saying "no, we don't hit, hitting hurts and is not nice, we don't hurt people". Then I took him away from the person or removed myself from him & distracted him with something else. It finally worked! But sometimes when he is tired he acts up, but again I stay consistent.

I think it's important to not only make sure your son knows what not to do, but what is acceptable -- when my 3 year old daughter went through a hitting stage, we would stop her and tell her something like "NO -- we do not hit -- hitting isn't a gentle touch. We use gentle touches only... can you show me a gentle touch?" and then she would hug me, or squeeze my hand, or something like that. Then I'd say something like "Good! Now can you go tell your brother you're sorry and give him a gentle touch?" and she'd go and apologize and give him a hug.

Another thing I try to make sure to do is find out why she was hitting or pushing, and help her figure out how to express that in a more approriate way -- usually telling her brother what's frustrating her or making her angry, and finding a solution that doesn't involve hitting. Something like "Now, why did you hit Ira?" "He wouldn't give me the toy!" "Instead of hitting, what do you think you can say to Ira to get a turn with the toy?" Then she'd turn to him and say "Ira, can I have a turn soon?" He'll almost always say yes, and then it's just finding something to occupy her while she waits.

I think, instead of just punishing bad behavior, acknowledging the validity of the child's feelings and giving them strategies to express that and deal with the situation will serve them much better in the long run. Kids need to know that even though they're little, their feelings are important and okay no matter what those feelings are -- it's just the manner of expression that is a problem.

Just my 2c.

We do not get good results with timeouts, ect. We get much better results with positive reinforcement. We have done sticker charts, treasure chest (pick a little treasure for good behavior), etc. Thus, rewarding good behavior, rather than punishing poor behavior, is what works for our children. Sometimes, though, I get in a rut and end up back more on the time outs side and have to remind myself to switch back.

First you need to lool at what he is eating, he may have a food allergy that causes the brain to swell. You can research this on line by typing in "brain swelling due to food allergy". The foods most common are chocolate. caffine and nuts and coloring in cereals nd chips.

Hi R.. I think we're living the same life! LOL. I have a five year old and a three year old (22 months apart). My three year old is . . . difficult. He is extremely agressive--he bites, hits, pushes, etc. and nothing seems to stop his behavior. (We're tried a variety of methods). Until recently, he would repeatedly slam his head against the floor when he was angry (scary!). We had him evaluated by an early childhood intervention service to see what was going on, but since they only deal with developmental issues (autism, etc) they could not help us. They did note that there were some behavioral issues and noted his inability to focus his attention on something else when he was involved in another thing. Also, he has a high tolerance for pain and gets VERY angry ALL THE TIME (we're talking five or six temper tantrums within the first two hours of the day).

Our next stop is a childhood psychologist as we seriously believe he may be suffering from ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). I don't know if this is anything like what you're going through, but just thought I'd let you know you're not alone. Sometimes it's more than just good/bad parenting skills. It's frustrating and exhausting...but I just keep reminding myself to breath and trying to understand my little man. With work and luck, we'll find the right path (and you will too!)