Need Help with My 4Th Grader and 5Th Grade Step Son

I have the same problem. I have a son from a previous marriage and my husband has a daughter from a previous marriage also. His daughter lived with us full time. We have 3 children from our marriage and 1 adopted son. My husband was always stricter with my son then with the other kids and now he is the same way with our adopted son. I have always treated our children with love no matter what. I have no solution for the problem except to always be there to let them know that no matter what they can count on you to love them and care for them. My husband and I fought all the time over it. He never felt that he treated them any different. He always said that I was babying them and that they would grow up to be sissies. My kids came first and he could never understand that. We still fight over the kids. My son is now 30 and his daughter is 37, our other kids range in ages 29 to 12. You have to decide how much you and your son can take and if it is wise to stay in the relationship.

well C. im 19 yrs of age.i have a daughter of my own also,and what u are saying about the kids.i feel your pain.
i feel like i go through the same stuff wit my step father and
only time can heal the pain.and being that your married 2 this guy i feel like cant nobody come between you and your kids,because if it comes 2 the point to where your kids feel like their #2 and no longer #1 that could really cause problems in your marriage.so take it from me ive been thru that before and it dosent feel good to feel like your no longer in the #1 spot.

Dear C.,

I can only pray for you...You are really in a difficult situation...I would suggest seeking family counseling from a pastor or school counselor. This situation will get worse...Your bio. son will get blaimed for everything he does wrong and not notice his good behavior...please seek help while he is still young...going into adolescent thinking "I can do no right" is a terrible thing...Obsivoulsy your husband does not see his one sided treatment...try to talk w/him alone when he is in good mood...not at exact time of incident.....please seek family counseling...I am a school social worker....

V. Mitchell

Could it be the problem lies with your husband? Being strict is very helpful and damaging at the same time.When the stepson comes around, does your son have more problems with attitude,playing or just trying to fit in? Does he have good self esteem? Sometimes I feel people compare children against each other and its not fair to either one of them. People must have their own self and not allways be like their brother or sister or friend.Self esteem is so important for a child of this age, and its up to us to help build it instead of tearing it down.I to had a very strict husband with my daughter who is now grown and a mother. The damage of being too strict has taken years to repair. Their relationship is good now but had many years of resentment.I pray you don't have the years I did. It's very hard being in the middle of the very people you Love the most.Do the boys get along with each other, I hope so .Tell Dad to lighten up, one day they will both be gone and living their own life and you'll miss them.

Truely, it is unfair to your son. Either you are going to have to let your son do it too, or stop the stepson from doing whatever it is. Your son is not wanting attention; he is wanting to be treated fairly. Whatever it is let your son do it too. You said it is within reason. Choose your battles wisely. Boys have to be boys! If they are not doing anything that is going to harm themselves or others; LET IT GO!

Just stay on top of his academics. Boys at this age are lazy when it comes to school. As long as his performance in school is good and homework is done; let him have the same freedom as the stepbrother.

I have a blended family and I do not have biological children but, we all have things that bother us which is nothing more than our family's moral & value system. I am a pro at keeping peace in the household. You can even call me if you like. I have to go out of town but I am usually always home. I will be back, Monday, 10 March evening. Call me @ ###-###-#### (S.)

I am also a former teacher.

Your husband needs to treat both the same. Your son seems to be acting out to get extra attention, even if it means getting it the wrong way. The situation is probably going to explode one day unless dealt with now.

It will take someone other than you to tell your husband that he is in the wrong and for him to see it. Normally people will listen to their friends before they will listen to a loved one. If there is anyone that you could confide in to talk to your husband, I would suggest that. J.

To C. G
Be careful never to show favortism towards one child.Your spouse should treat both children equally when it comes to rewards and discipline. Children have a way of acting out in school and in the home when they are stressed out . You know how hard it is for us to deal with stress. Can you imagine how much harder it is for a child? I pray that your entire housedhold will walk in oness/unity with each other.
V. W.