Need Help with Meal Times

Try the "no thank you" bite. When it comes to something new, he tries one little bite. If he does not like it and/or does not want anymore, he simply says no thank you. He is being respected and you are getting him to try new thing.

G. T.

I had the same problem with my son. Then I was told by a wise person (pediatrician) that no child has every starve when food is in the house and available. Also, when forcing a child to eat more than they want can could them to become over weight as an adult He ate chicken nuggets, raw carrots, apple slices (w/o the peelings), mild cheddar cheese, bacon, grapes, and bananas. I also noticed that when my husband would complain, my son started to become very stressed and clingy. I stopped my French husband from fussing, and gave my son what he would eat. On the nights that I could not stand to fix the few little things that my son wanted to eat, I allowed him to make his own dinner (put the food on his plate), and he was happy.

At the age of eight, I had a friend of mine introduce that concept of trying three bites of a food before saying he did not like it. It worked like a charm.

Now at eleven, he is still picky (but so was his father and I as children) but he will try different foods. Life will get easier, the grow up, and have dinner at friends houses. Those mothers help as well with getting my son to try other foods. What are friends for.

Hi K.. I'm not an expert so I spoke to a registered dietician about mealtimes for this very reason. The bottom line is...it's your job to put a healthy meal on the table, but it's not your job to make him eat it". Many of us were raised in very traditional households and were punished for not eating foods we didn't like or were told to finish our plates. We know now that these tactics can sometimes lead to eating disorders.

There is a wonderful book called, "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense" by Ellyn Satter, that was given to me as a babyshower gift from a dietician friend of mine and I really loved this book. There is also a video which was very insightful though dated. I checked the Fairfax County Library Database and they have FOUR of Ellyn's books.

Here is the author's website http://www.ellynsatter.com/
You may find some valuable information there as well.

Mealtime can be stressful for new humans who are experiencing so many flavors and textures. Mealtime should be enjoyable. Some children are big eaters and will eat most anything, while others are picky. It is important not to make a big deal over what he eats or doesn't eat.

With our own son (now 3 yrs old) we present a wide variety of healthy foods (with a back up of a favorite). We always tell our son about the different foods on his plate. He will almost always try a new food on his own, but not necessarily eat it. That doesn't mean I stop making it or putting it on his plate, but I just don't comment on weather he eats it or not.

He also enjoys helping in the kitchen or "pretend helping" in which I give him a pot and a few ingredients to the meal I'm preparing and let him play. It takes some of the mystery out of the meal when he understands how it is prepared. Another thing that has helped is that he goes grocery shopping with my husband (while I clean the house ) and sometimes brings his own cart. He "helps" my husband pick out produce etc and they often talk about where the food comes from, i.e. bananas grow on trees in South America where such n' such animals live.

He enjoys these discussions and also learning what various animals eat. Mealtimes can be fun for the little beans.

Hope this helps,
W.
( mother rising dot blogspot dot com )

--Back way off of pressure during mealtimes, especially with a 2 1/2 year old. To a child that age, making you or your husband mad is way better than dessert. My stock answer to "I don't want any" is a calm "Okay, you don't have to eat if you're not hungry." No one makes a fuss. But no special meals are prepared, either.

--BUT if he asks for seconds, he must finish his first helpings to get it. "You can have more bread, but first finish your peas." "You can have a cookie, but first you must eat your fish." Note: a 2 1/2 year old might be a little young for this, but you can try.

--Offer some kind of protein at breakfast and hopefully at lunch too.

--Offer very small portions (no more than a Tablespoon).

--If there is something you really want him to eat (i.e. veggies) offer it first, while he is really hungry.

--Cut back on snacks between meals, or only offer healthy snacks (whole grain crackers like Kalvi, sliced cucumbers, sliced apples).

--Milk between meals can also reduce appetite.

--Do *not* try to make him eat when he is not hungry or "clean his plate." This is one major factor that leads kids to gain too much weight when older, because they learn to turn off their body's "stop eating" signals.

--There's absolutely no need to make sure he eats a little of everything "balanced" at each meal. A little of everything once a day is good. Sometimes at that age my little guy would have nothing for dinner but bananas, or peas, or peanut butter on whole wheat toast. Fine. It's all reasonably healthy. He got some protein in his breakfast and/or lunch.

--If you get "I don't like..." usually it is something he is just scared to try. Insist on ONE bite before you offer something else. Offer the food at another meal soon after, between six to ten times.

--If you are getting "I don't want this, I want that" and the child is verging on a tantrum and for some reason you REALLY want him to eat (before a long outing, say) insist on three big bites before you give in.

--If he is getting good protein from beans, eggs, tofu, or cheese, meat isn't necessary. And "white" things... white rice, white bread, chips, fries... are not needed at all--empty calories.

--There is a window between 7-9 months when kids are really open to new tastes, and if you give them a lot of variety then it supposedly makes them less picky later... but a lot of folks miss that window... oh well : ) maybe next time

At 2 1/2 yr I would agree with you. It is all about introducing him to a variety of foods. Kids are very habit oriented. It takes on average 10 times of seeing a new food before a child will accept it. I would not put more than one new thing on the plate per meal and if he eats it great and if not oh well. As the kids get older in my house then we make them try some of everything on their plate in order to learn to be polite when out. You can't always eat your favorite foods. There are probably some food s your husband doesn't like and you don't prepare on a regular basis. you won't know what your child will not like for life until he is much older so I say just keep introducing new things. If he rejects it the first time that is very normal. I would not make a big deal about it I would just regularly put some on his plate and see what happens over time. One of my daughters would not eat eggs. I put them on her plate for a couple of years and then one day she ate them and declared them her favorite food.

Your husband needs to relax a bit! I agree with Leigh, pressure is not going to help, and arguing about it isn't either, in front of your child or not. I don't advocate making a separate meal for everyone at the table, but when a little one is at this stage, the advice I've heard is to give them what they will eat. It's good to have them try new things, like using that five finger rule (that's cool! I might use that!), but pushing and getting angry will not help.

Nutritional balance is important, but there are things like Pediasure, and like the other lady suggested, V8 Fusions. I don't even drink regular V8! I've choked it down, but I prefer the fusions. I'm 42 - going on two I guess!

I often give my girl grapes or a banana instead of broccoli or lettuce. It works. She's starting to eat actual greens, but she's stubborn and it's going to be an uphill battle. Last night she ate fresh, steamed green beans! Woohoo!

Another thing that bugs me is the American habit of eating everything on your plate, no matter what. No, you shouldn't waste food, and don't take more than you think you'll eat, but one of the reasons we have problems with weight is that we haven't been trained to stop when we're full. That's one of the best ways to lose weight or maintain. Eat until you're full, (some say 15 min at most) and then - STOP. It's not just what we eat, althought that's big, it's how we eat as well. If you don't push a kid to eat more than he's willing too, you give him the habit of eating just until he's full. And remember, a little kid's stomach is much smaller than yours! I have to remind mysef of that with my daughter.

Of course, train him to eat at the table, and don't make him anything after he's refused to eat at dinnertime.

An earlier post said to have you husband read parenting mags to see whats up. Have you noticed men refuse to do that, but they seem to know everything about raising a child? "I don't need to read that...!" *sigh* But try it anyway, maybe he'll be open to it, or try to find evidence to support his own theories! Or have him talk directly to the pediatrician with you there to get the proper story on how to do this.

Bottom line, tell your husnband that his son will not starve!

-S

Hi K.,
You've gotten lots of great advice, but I did want to had one little thing. We have a rule in our house that applies to adults and children. Mom makes one dinner for everyone, but I make sure to include at least on thing that everyone likes, and a few times a week something completely new. The rule is you have to at least try everything on the table. That goes for adults too. We constitute trying as one bite for every year of age. Therefore, your son would need to take 2 bites of everything on the table. This is just one of our house rules, the children know it and we do not argue about it, but if they don't take their bites they don't get dessert. So far, they are 5 and 6, it has been working great for the past 4 years with very few dinner time arguments once they learned that the rule would be enforced along with the consequence.
P.

You've already received some excellent advice! I just wanted to add something that may help you: I have one good eater (3 1/2) and one picky eater (2). What has worked for us lately is when I put a food that can be dipped (our current favorite is green beans) with a small amount of 'dip' - typically ketchup or barbecue sauce. I avoid high-fat, creamy dips (like ranch) or high sugar (we use natural) and stick to healthier ones and also limit the amount of ketchup they recieve to about 1 tablespoon.

Also, depending on your parenting style and how much your son understands, he could be old enough to understand that there isn't more of something he likes. For example, if he likes applesauce and you put some on his plate with a new or yet-to-be-loved food you can tell him that there's no more applesauce for now so he can eat the other food if he's hungry. This works well for my 2 year old. She still protests when I tell her that what's on her plate is her meal and I won't fix something else, but she knows that's the deal. I refuse to fix a seperate meal once my kids are old enough to understand that what I serve is it for their meal - they can eat it or not. Sometimes she just drinks her milk and is finished. Having said that, I also don't put new or unliked foods on her plate on a daily basis. I just don't think it's worth it to make mealtimes a battle on a regular basis. So we do new foods a few times a week and then move on to other things. My main concern is the health of my kids and my job is to help them develop a healthy relationship with food - so important in our mostly overweight nation.

Kids at this age typically don't eat as much since they are growing at a slower rate than even 6 months ago so they just don't need as much food. It sounds like you're doing a great job keeping new foods on his plate and are doing the right thing providing healthy choices - hang in there and don't give up!

Hi K. -

It looks like you've already gotten some good advice. I have a 6 year old boy who was very difficult at meal times around the 2 to 3 years. I also was told to continue to prepare nutritious well-balanced meals and offer them to him. I never made him another meal (the only exception was if we were having left-overs and he had eaten some of it the night before I would give him the option of a peanut butter and jelly or cheese sandwich). It does take many times of offering a new food (or an old one) before a child will try it and like it. Okay, so how do you survive in the meantime? I too had battles with my spouse over the issue. This is what a kindergarten teacher suggested for me and it worked pretty well. We played the "five finger" game. My son had to take 5 really good bites (not 2 peas on a spoon) of his meal. All 5 couldn't be of the same thing, either. The part that tickled him was seeing me hold up fingers through the entire meal to keep track of his progress. He would be done as soon as I had all the fingers of one hand up. Then he would get a high five. It sounds simple, but for some reason it worked. And it also kept some peace between me and my husband because he was eating something. I hope this helps some. My son is a really good eater now. Hang in there!

A. T.

My son is almost 2, is picky, will not eat if there are more than 3 people present, and will pass on food to play. He wont eat veggies, and what fruits he is willing to eat change every few days.

In the past week we have found success in getting him to eat more. I have started to offer him two choices. So at breakfast he is offered either yogurt or cereal, or oatmeal, or waffles. At lunch if he turned down the yogurt at breakfast he is offered yougurt or a creamy soup (Trader Joe's has great creamy vegetable soups). Once he finishes his first choice he is offered the choice between two fruits. If still wants more he is offered the other fruit or a protein. I do the same at dinner. He won't eat anything if we try to have him sit with us at the table for dinner. So he if fed before us. Sometimes we eat after he goes to bed and sometimes before. If he is still awake he will come to check out what we are having and he is always offered some. He usually says no. If he has eated well for all of his meals then after his bath he is offered a choice between pudding or a 100 calorie pack of cookies. He usually chooses the cookies. It has become a favorite time of day. He knows where I keep the cookies, in a hanging basket in the kitchen. He often asks for the cookies, bit is always told that he can only have them if he eats a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We do not offer any beverages at meal times, as they fill the belly up.

Good luck,

In the end do what feels best to you.

At 2 1/2 he should be eating what everyone else is eating at dinner time. You made dinner, eat or don't eat, but breakfast is in twelve hours. He will be fine. All of mine are. Oh, and no more then one glass of milk until after he eats his dinner.

My 19th month old does not eat much eihter, however, it is very rare, if at all that I make her a seperate meal. If she would still eat baby food that would be a little different but she doesn't. She will eat grapes for every meal but aside from that an crakers which she usually eats we will give her some of ours to try and if she doesn't eat it oh well. We give her pedia sure, carnation instant brakfast and vitamin D milk. When we give her juice we do not dillute it becasue she is really little and needs the calories according to her doctor. As long as your son drinks a lot of helathy stuff I wouldn't worry to much and I would stop the habit of fixing him his own meal becasue he will just get used to it and want it when he is older. we also give my 19th month old V8 fusion pomegrante blueberry and she does likeit, so she is at least drinking some veggies

Well, being the mom of a 2 1/2 yr old boy,i can relate. Our meals had become a major battleground and i dealt with the same problems until recently...i have an extremely strong willed boy and he got so hysterical over what we had on his plate! The more frustrated we got the worse he behaved...my only advice, dont stress. My son loves bread so we switched to all whole grain breads, he loves fruit, hates veggies, so i balance it out w/ fruit. Meats, well, were never a problem before until around 2 y.o. And now all he wants is chicken nuggets.(peanut butter has alot of protein) well, i pick my battles, some days are better than others and my ped says to look at the bigger picture, like what he's eaten all day or even all week, rather than at any given meal. Btw, we tried the whole no snack thing and he just opted not to eat at all...(and he's hypoglycemic so it just wasnt worth the mood swings from the blood sugar drops) so just find ways to make what he likes healthier and try not to go crazy over it, i was a very picky eater as a child and now there isnt a food that i dont eat, for the most part, so it'll all be ok. (or at least i feel better telling myself that...lol) hope this helps!!! H.

Hello K.,
I am going through the same kind of thing with my son. If you get any good suggestions please send them on to me. I also just wanted to say, your not alone.
Thanks, G.

Your child will self regulate. That being said, the four areas that you mentioned have been updated.
Start with a veggie, think outside the box, such as pea pods, or avocados, cooked parsnips, zucchini, yellow squash just to name a few. You can use cookie cutters to make fun shapes. Give him lots of colors of food. Forget the idea of starches; and offer whole grains, brown rice, millet, barley, quinoa. Variety is the key as well as a great way to avoid allergies.
L.

K., all of us feel your pain, so to speak-- all kids get picky and some stay that way! I"m not going to add to the great food-related advice below but I wanted to say: At 2 1/2 your son is fully able to realize that this issue is a problem between you and his dad. Especially if you discuss or even argue about it in front of your son, he realizes this is something that makes mom and dad tense, upset, whatever, so if you and your husband must discuss it--and if your husband must criticize you--please don't do it at the dinner table or in front of him. It only sends him signals that he is controlling the situation and/or causing disputes. Food, like toilet training, has a lot to do with power--we cannot MAKE our children eat or use a toilet and they figure that out very early. The more your husband argues or pushes food at him (or criticizes you in front of him) the more resistant your son may become. I don't think you're "giving in to whatever he wants" unless he wants mac and cheese three times a day and you give it to him. And fruits are excellent food, and a good thing to eat if veggies aren't popular yet. Perhaps you could get your husband to read some of the articles and research in parenting magazines that say over and over how most young kids dislike the taste and texture of many vegetables, how the texture of many meats is unpleasant to them for quite some time, and how meals can become battlegrounds for years unless parents relax a little, keep offering options repeatedly, and just demonstrate good eating themselves. Or maybe you could get your pediatrician or a family friend with older kids who's already fought these battles (and who agrees with you) to talk to him. Would he be receptive to that kind of third-party advice? Good luck.

Hi K., I'm a mom of a 2-yr-old as well, and had been concerned about my daughter's eating, especially since she wouldn't eat meat. What really comforted me was my pediatrician said that the pickiness was normal, and that they really don't need as much as we think they do. She also told me that they're getting plenty of nutrients from fruit, and that veggies just have a better rep because they don't have the natural sugars that fruits have. She also said to not think about is she getting enough veggies/fruits/etc. per meal or even per day, but to look at it per week. You are doing the right thing!! :)

There are a couple of things I did, though. First, I hid everything in mashed potatoes for a while. In fact, I made Shepherd's Pie, and she devoured it, and still does to this day. (Let me know if you want the recipe.)

Second, I found she ate better when my hubby and I were eating with her at the table.

Third, smaller portions. I think it's overwhelming when there is too much on her plate. I would put the usual things she liked on her plate, along with one different thing. And I couldn't look at her while she ate. If I were watching, she'd be less likely to try the "new thing." But, if my hubby and I were eating and carrying on a conversation, she'd try it, and she'd ask for more.

The last thing I did was really surprising. I put a chair next to me when I was fixing something new: couscous. I helped her pour the water into the pot, and then dump the box of couscous in the pot. Once it was done, I put a little bit in a small bowl, and she LOVED it and asked for more. She talked about helping mommy cook all day.

So, there are a few suggestions! I hope it helps. Good luck. But remember, you're already doing a great job. He likes what he likes for a reason, and I'd keep offering it to him -- especially if it's already a healthy food.

Your husband has valid concerns but unless he's the one preparing the meals AND feeding him, it's easier to criticize than actually do the deed. It sounds like you are already doing your best to give your child a balanced meal. I attended a nutrition seminar by this doctor (Dr. Neal Barnard) who said that it takes and average of 17 tries to get a kid to eat something new. Most parents give up way before that. So all you can do is keep offering the food. As long as your son is healthy and your pediatrician has no problems with his growth, you can only do your best to offer him a balanced meal.
My daughter, however, does not like more than one kind of food at a meal. She would only eat one thing. So I try to give her a balanced day of food. For example, breakfast=starch, lunch=vegetable, dinner=protein, snacks=fruit. If she didn't get enough of one food group in a day, I would offer more of that food group the next day so that she would have a balanced week of food.
Once I gave her peas and corn together and she picked out all the corn and refused to eat peas for weeks! So now, I give them to her at separate meals and she forgot she liked one more than the other and eats both.
Hope this helps.

Hi K.,
I've found that kids will try a new dessert or snack faster than a healthy food. Part of that is packaging, part of that is our approach to food. We tend to tense up when we present them with veggies. Here are two things that we've tried. Both have had sucess at one point and time.
One: let them dip the fruit or veggie in something. The only way my son will eat steak is if he has ketchup for dipping.
For fruits, you can buy single serve dips of caramel or yogurt. For veggies, there's salad dressing or ranch dip. I've even tried the spray can of cheese. Everything is better with cheese!
I gave my son some rice the other day and he said no way, until I suggested that he sprinkle the parmasean cheese (we call it shaker cheese) on it. Then he ate it all up!
Good luck,
M.

My gut reaction when I read your request....was to tell your husband to feed him then! He should deal with your son's refusal to eat vegtables. And if he isn't there for dinner - just don't mention what you gave your son to eat!
But in reality kids most often pass up vegtables - you are lucky he eats fruits! I haven't gone full blown with it yet but I have read through the book by Jerry Seinfeld's wife on mixing in pureed vegtables with the kids' food. So to make sure my son (22 months old) gets his vegtables, I mix in baby food vegtables with things that he likes and he doesn't notice - like carrots with mac and cheese. Using baby food it is alot easier than trying to puree everthing. But still offer the real thing over and over and over - eventually he might eat it - we don't want our kids to think we officially gave in and don't make them eat vegtables. So I would still put vegtables on his plate for him to see but he will definately eat the vegtablese he can't see! Don't give up on offering vegtables but when it comes to the husband - tell him to feed the kids so he can see how hard it is.
I am having a baby in November too! Good luck!