Need Help with Husband - Woodward,OK

I hope you're not offended, but I feel compelled to mention that when a man insists on sex even when it's inappropriate and unadvised such as immediately after a surgery or childbirth it is a strong indication of an abusive relationship. You didn't say anything else specific on this issue, but given that you have been divorced from him once, it seemed worth it to at least mention this for your consideration.

And no it's not unusual for a man to have a much more active libido, what is unusual is that he is not able to recognize that there are times when his needs do not come first and/or does and doesn't care and requires that he be serviced anyway. You NEVER have to give in (sometimes it may be advisable to give it a go even if you're not into it b/c you had a long day at work). When it's a health issue though, you need to look out for your own interests, even when he won't. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband, discuss other possibilities of ways that you can be intimate that may be less stressful (and more appropriate) for you physically, set out a schedule for intercourse if need be to ensure that it is not such a taxing daily occurrence. You don't want to lose the intimacy that comes from a good sex life with your husband , but feeling obligated and forced into sex will only create resentment and divide you. You didn't mention whether or not you enjoy this obligatory sex, but I know I would have a hard time with it under the circumstances you described. Setting some limits and exploring other options for intimacy may help you both to get more out of your sex lives and relieve some of the burden (physical and emotional) that you both seem to carry about the issue.

Best of luck.

I've recently been listening to a book on cd called Then Comes Marriage and it talks about our physical relationship with our husband in one of the chapters. (I actually JUST listened to this chapter...) Anyway, it is a fact that men need sex b/c that's how they're able to feel appreciated and close with their wives. It's like us needing affection. However, sex is supposed to be a special time where you can feel closer to your spouse and give yourself to them unselfishly. They described it as an act of charity b/c you're giving everything to them. But when you're doing it only to fulfill your own needs, it's selfish, and it sounds to me like your husband is being selfish. Yes, he wants sex, but he should also consider your needs. Especially after having surgery... You need to talk to him about this, but try not to argue b/c it will get you no where. (I say this like I never argue with my husband.. Ha!) Try to find a loving way to tell him how you feel. If he doesn't accept your reasons (which sound legitimate to me!), then let him pout. He'll get the picture... seriously, though, talk to your husband. He's never going to know how you feel unless you do.

Good luck!!

He should be more worried about how you feel then presuring you to have sex. I would tell him that when you are up to it you will have sex. Its no fun if you arent enjoying it. Tell him that. Always be honest.

S. T.
working at home and loving it
www.always4myfamily.com

Your health is more important than his hurt feelings. Tell him to "Get over it"

That is absolutely ridiculous.

Tell him to get over it and be considerate of your health issues. When you are feeling well, you can be willing to partake in what he wants to do as often as he AND you want to do so. Otherwise, he is being selfish and isn't doing a good job of taking care of his wife and the mother of his children. Pouting should only be for babies and that's over before age 5. Good luck!

I agree with some of the other responses. You are a grown woman and have needs of your own that have to be met first. Especially when it comes to your body healing. I had problems with my epidural with my last child and had to lay flat on my back for the first two weeks after my daughter was born. My husband did nothing but cater to my every need and on top of that work, and take care of our other two children. His mother would relieve him when he had to go to work. He was awesome and very understanding. I really do hope things work out for you. You deserve to be treated with a little more respect and understanding:) Good Luck!!

What a touchy and hush hush topic you've asked about, C.! : ) I don't suppose there's a married woman around who hasn't experienced your situation. Men are men and God made them a certain way and men wants lots and lots of sex! : ) And don't think the 'urge' dies down any as they grow older - well, I can vouch for up to about 60 years of age.

Here's the thing. The Bible tells us that our bodies are his - belong to him - and his is ours. Scripture goes on to say that marital relations should NOT be withheld one from the other. I know some wives use sexual favors to manipulate their husbands. This is nothing more than rebellious witchcraft and scripture says suffer not a witch to live.

Now we would hope that he would be so kind as to consider our feelings, emotions, and hormonal moods. I think this is more likely if they know that for the most part, whenever they want some they are likely to get it. Now this 'pouting' your husband does? ? ? Sounds a little childish, but men do have needs - actual physical NEEDS - to enjoy copulation on a pretty regular basis.

So, you are married and you are his. Your body belongs to him (as his is yours - I know SO many feminists will rage at this, but truth is Truth!) This is an area that doesn't require THAT much effort on your part. in the end, don't you want him to think you are the best wife alive on the planet? That's how my husband feels about me and it's great. I treat him like a king. He treats me like a queen. It's a great life that we enjoy together!

Blessings and ENJOY the day!

Tell him to masturbate and let him pout until your back is healed. The last thing you need is to further injure your back.

Is your husband perhaps addicted to sex? He sounds like mine, who h as been a sex addict since age 12. You might check the website called heart to heart. Dr. Doug Weiss is really an expert on the subject. Heart to Heart is his webpage. I have married my husband two times also, but there is alot of objectifying of women in his attitude and life. Does he do any pornography? After reading the website you may be able to have more information about sex addiction and whether or not he fits the criteria.
B. S. RN CCM

Um...
Let him pout! Demanding sex when it is uncomfortable for your partner is selfish and abusive. Sorry I sound so offensive, but it makes me angry that men do that.

Do you have a friend who could act as a surrogate sex partner until you are in the mood or healed?

Hm, sounds a lot like my first marrige. Maybe you love him is why you married him twice, but why did you break up? Maybe there is something there you should think about. Yes, I've got to agree with the others; he is being very selfish to the point of even abusive. Of course you can ask your doctor for advise and/or suggest your husband talk to your doctor. Good luck!