Need Help with 4Yr. Olds Coming into Our Bed

I agree with the other poster 100%! That's the only way!

To add to that, never make an exception. We had just gotten the 7-year old to start sleeping in her bed (she used to sleep with daddy before he met me) when one night she had a nightmare so he let her back in. After that she'd come in and say she had a nightmare (sometimes only 20 minutes after we had put her to bed). Then she tried the "I'm scared of the dark" drama. The ONE night he let her back in the bed ruined everything we had done up until then and we had to start over with the new dramas. And they were worse.

So don't give in even once! Because if you do, everything you did before will be worthless.

Good luck!

First, decide ultimately what you want.

Do you want these night time visits to stop permanently or are you okay with them coming to your bed? I'm not asking so I can judge your decision; only you know your situation and what is best for your family. You do, however, need to make a decision one way or another and stick with it. They're either going to be allowed in their bed or they're not going to be allowed in the bed.

Since your post sounds like you are trying to get them out of your bed and into your own, you should use the 'jack-in-the-box' technique. If you've ever watched Super Nanny or read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", you're familiar with it.

At 4 years old, if you decide it is time for them to be in their own bed then they are old enough to process that and comply with the changes and expectations. As a parent, you have to hold your children to those expectations and not waver (if you decide you are done with them in your bed).

They come into your bed, you take them back. They come into your bed, you take them back. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. Do NOT get emotional or angry. Do NOT try to justify. No eye contact, no talking, nothing. You want to make the trip back to bed as boring, unemotional, and uneventful as possible. Do not give them any audience...the last thing you want to do is get them all riled up.

Prepare them before you start. Tell them something like "Mommy and Daddy are starting a new rule. After we get ready for bed, you are to stay in your bed and go to sleep." And follow through because if you state the new rule but give in, your kids learn that pestering you ultimately gets them what they want.

The first night, expect to have to make several return trips to the bed. Count them if you need to. The second night could be better or could be worse, depending on how strong-willed your children are. The third night it should be better. What you are trying to accomplish is to teach your children that you have set an expectation and you will be following through with it and no amount of whining, crying, begging, pleading, escaping, is going to change your mind. Period.

Whatever method you eventually choose, be consistent with it. You are trying to modify behavior and doing so takes time and adjustment. Good luck to you and happy sleeping!

I agree with the other posters. I have a 4 month old and a 4 year old. I recently had the same problem. But I couldn't get up several times a night to put my daughter back in her bed because I was usually nursing my other daughter at the time. My daughter just preferred to sleep in our bed so I printed out a sign that said "Asiyah slept in her bed all night." After she slept in her bed all night I put a sticker on the sign. Once she got to 14 stickers I told her I would reward her by taking her to Chuck E. Cheese. It worked like a charm! One night she was going to fall asleep in our room and she asked to be put in her own bed so that she wouldn't miss out on her sticker to get to go to Chuck E's! However you decide to tackle this problem, be consistent. Kids love routine. Good luck!

As I usually, do...I agree 100% with MR's post. In every aspect.

I would add only this suggestion. Take turns with your husband. Night one, you take the shift and get them back in their bed - no matter how many turns it takes. On the next night, your husband can take a turn. That way, the kids know that Mom and Dad both agree with this and present a unified front. AND, just as important, you can each get some sleep.

Good luck!

Another thought is to have a pillow and blanket beside your bed. If they can sneak in without waking you then they can stay, but if they wake you then they can't.

Isn't this a normal phase they go through?
I know sometimes it's a pain but.....soon enough they won't want to have cuddles and climb in to your bed. My 4yr old boy does the same, and it's a disturbance to your sleep but if he occasionally sleeps the entire night in his bed - I automatically wake now and wonder why he hasn't come in! Enjoy it while it lasts!

We always made a bed in our floor when our kids came to our room...that way we got our sleep and they were able to feel safe and secure. Face it with 4 kids, one of them is going to feel insecure once in a while. 4 year olds have very vivid imaginations but don't have all the reasoning skills to deal with their fears. Try to assure them they have no need to come to your room...they have each other for one thing....but if they need to you can have a bed waiting for them. Good luck...hug them close they grow up so fast!!!

I remember getting up in the night, being scared and needing my parents. I remember crawling in with one of my parents where it was warm and safe. Once I remember calling for them and it seemed the dark was big and scary. It took FOREVER for them to come and rescue me (maybe 2 minutes, right?).

Now, I sleep in my own bed, far away from my parents. They sleep without kids and sleep through the night (if their old bodies let them).

That's my perspective. My kids might need me 24/7 for a little while, but will grow up soon.

Ok hang in there sometimes this takes a while for them to ajust. Everytime they get in bed with you keep taking them to their bed and dont give in, one time giving in starts the process all over. If you stick tto it they will get tired of getting put back in their bed and just stay there. Dont pick them up make them walk there ensure them that you love them and you will see them in the morning, give them a kiss and go back to bed, repeat this as many times as it takes but dont give in. My daugther went through this and it took about 2 weeks and then she stopped and about a week later she came iinto bed with me again and i still made her go back and then she only trys now when she is sick and that is normal when she feels better she stays in her own bed now....So just hang in there and they will see you are in charge and get use to what you want for then....Good luck....and remember dont give in once or you will have to start over and wait longer.....

Parenting doesn't stop at a certain time of day. They need you. Buy a king size bed.

I also agree with MR -- great advice!

To help in your efforts, I was recently told about a wonderful new night light that has a timer on it. You set the time for it to turn on at night -- and it glows as a blue moon. You also set the time that you allow your child to get out of bed -- then it shines as a happy sun. We have started using this and teaching our daughter that, while the moon in on, she must stay in bed. When she sees it shining as the sun, she can leave bed and get up. I think the website is www.goodnitelite.com (I sure wish I had come up with this idea!!)

Putting them back to bed will work but it will take some work. You will have to keep putting them back into their own beds everytime they come up and not give in to the many different reasons they can or can not stay in their bed, i.e. i'm thirsty. It will take some time for them to finally stay in their bed. This is a habit they have developed and it will be hard to brake. Be consistent, stay strong and DO NOT give in. It will take an hour or so the first night and will get shorter every night after that. It will take at least 4 days to a week, depending how consistent and how good you stick to your plan.