Need Help Weaning My Almost 2.5 Year Old Son

I also weaned my daughter on the late side. She was about the same age when I was starting to get weary of the breastfeeding (she has food allergies and I couldn't eat any shellfish while I continued). She helped let me know she was ready by refusing "milkie" one night, and then I was away from the house a couple of nights in a row. After that, it was very easy to convince her that the "milkie" had gone away.

It may have also been easier for us because we'd dropped down to only 1 feeding, just before bedtime, between 12 and 14 months. Regardless, the notion of the "milkie" going away is a very strong argument, and it's something that a 2.5 year old can understand.

Good luck!

Thanks for writing this question! My daughter is 2 years, 2 months and I'm trying to wean her. My other two were done at 11-12 months. I think it might be partly me though--she's my last one (tubes tied). Sometimes I really feel like it's time to stop though, I've been getting sore. All of the suggestions helped--even if just to feel support. My husband just leaves it up to me, we've tried to wean her then I give in if she's crying too much.

WOW!! First of all, CONGRATS on nursing your son this long!! That's AWESOME!!! Second, they are YOUR breasts, NOT his! Third, ask yourself this question: How do I feel about nursing my son?? If you're still comfortable with it, then go for it. Either way, tell your husband to back off, especially if he isn't going to participate as it seems he doesn't want to. It may not make a difference, but try explaining to him that there are ALWAYS health benefits to nursing, and when you're both ready, then you'll wean. It may not seem like it, but your son WILL wean! He's probably not going to be nursing at 5, although that's very normal in other countries. You need to be strong in your convictions whatever they are. If you're ready to give up nursing, then stay strong with your son. If you're not ready, stay strong with your husband.

Honestly, I was so sad when my 2.5yo son weaned himself :( I was 4mo pregnant with his baby sister, and it hurt really bad to nurse him, but I miss the time. Obviously, we found other things to do to promote and strengthen our bond, and we still have cuddle time, etc. Now, I look at this almost 3.5yo and see this independent, strong-willed, smart, caring, sensitive boy that I've helped parent, and it's just awesome!!!

My husband was ready for me to give up nursing when our son turned 2, and I thought I would be, too, but we weren't. My husband just had to accept that it was ultimately my decision. I know that sounds harsh, but that's how strong my convictions are about nursing. Good luck whatever you decide! You've gotten some great suggestions from other mamas about weaning!!

Well, first off I should be up front that I nursed #1 until age 4 and #2 until age 5. The world wide average for nursing is age 7, I believe. We also enjoyed a family bed until my kids were older. Since both you and your son still enjoy nursing, perhaps you can convince your husband that nursing for several years is not only normal, it will likely enhance your son's sense of security and independence as he gets older. What I did do when my eldest was 4, after tandem nursing her with her little sister for 6 months (I think it helped them bond as sibs, too), was plan with her a "weaning party." She got to help plan the party, treats, and a present for herself. Can't remember who we invited -- as was a bit low key, but think several neighbor children attended. A friend gave me this idea as it worked for her child. Yours, however, is still very young.

If you really want to wean, however, I would do it very, very gradually -- not a sudden cut-off like your husband tried. Perhaps try delaying nursing before nap -- suggest to your son that you snuggle and read together and that he nurse when he wakes up -- then distract him immediately when he wakes up and perhaps he won't ask. If he does ask when he wakes up, though, I would make sure and keep my promise to allow him to nurse when he wakes up. After trying this a number of times, perhaps it will be easier to do it as well at night. Though I think the pre-bed nursing was the last to go for both my girls.

This is probably not much help for you -- you could also discuss with your local la leche league counselor or go online with la leche and they often have really great nursing and weaning advise that is very child friendly.

I dont think it matters what you do or how you go about it, it's going to be a tough week (or two). Just don't give in!!! Tell him you have no more milk, tell him "milkie" is all gone (or is now in a cup, if you're willing to have him go to sleep with a bottle. I dont think I would tho), tell him he's too big now, whatever. Whatever you tell him, he's not going to like (of course!), but when you don't give in, he'll accept (he has no choice!) after a few days/weeks. He'll miss it (heck, I still miss my rocking time with my mom and I'm in my 40's!!) but that doesnt mean you need to be guilty or assume you're wrecking his emotional stability, etc.

Just be matter of fact, milkie's gone, you're a big boy now. Rock him, read him a story, do something different for the bedtime routine, whatever, but milkie's gone and done, period. The first few days will be hard, DONT GIVE IN! Then it'll be easier after that.

I know you feel ready to wean (and congrats on nursing 2.5 years!!!!), but if your husband is putting pressure on you to do so and then not helping out, it really isn't fair.
There are a few things you could do. One would be to tell your hubby to RELAX and let him know that W.H.O and the La Leche League and many other credible sources say nursing until they're FIVE is healthy and reccomended. That might get him to lay off a bit.
You could also remind him how important nursing was for you and your little guy, and that weaning won't happen overnight- especially since it seems you and your son enjoy it so much.
Weaning takes time. He needs to understand that and HELP you with it if he expects results.
Good luck, momma. And way to go for breastfeeding! ! ! :)

Way to go on making it this long! First of all your husband is probably tired of his son "getting the goods" and ready to get them back for himself. (sorry to be so crass, but the truth) It sounds like he is helping (a little), but you're going to have to tell him EXACTLY what you need him to do to make this easier for all 3 of you. Men are not mind readers so if you want him to rock him, lay with him etc...you need to tell him everything! Next, your son is old enough to understand "No". Keep talking to him about all the great things big boys get to do!!!! (reemphasize that babies drink milkie and babies don't get to do....whatever you tell him big boys get to do) Maybe put some bandaids on your breasts. He probably understands ouchies and will understand that mommy has an ouchie and no more milkie can come out. Stay strong and he will forget about nursing or find something else to satisfy him, but it will take a week or 2. After that, get back to having fun with your husband, sounds like he's ready! :)

I know your husband has good intentions but unless he is going to actively participate he has to back off. There is no need to make this stressful for you or your son. Remember for your son, he doesn't know any other way to go to sleep either! I weaned my daughter at 2.5 too so I know how challenging it is. What worked for us was to go slowly. I started with the non sleep times, just cutting the morning out and distracted her with food and activities. If she asked I would let her nurse but didn't offer. I talked to her about it telling her it was really for babies and she wasn't a baby anymore. We made it a game about all the things she could do that babies can't do. (I.E. She can run, she can hop on one foot, she can drink chocolate milk, and babies can't etc etc). Then at sleep times I just put a time limit - you can have "milkie"- her word was "num nums" - for two minutes then we will cuddle. And never offer, see if he asks for it. Then nurse for only one minute until you realize some nights there is no nursing at all. Keep reinforcing that he is a big boy and he doesn't need it and that mommy will still be with him to cuddle. It will work! Just takes time and consistentcy!
Good luck

My twin sons are nearly 2.5 and still nursing. My husband was after me to call it quits after their first birthday, but it was just easier to nurse them before bed than fight it. I finally just told him to let me be and that I'd wean them eventually. I weaned my first son at a year and a half and it took a week of my husband putting him to bed instead of me. I think you really need to have your husband help you if you want to wean him. Maybe pick a week when your husband doesn't have to get up early. A friend of mine said she weaned her son by driving him around in the car at night until he feel asleep just to break the routine a bit. Good luck! I know how stressful this can be on a marriage.

Thank you for posting this. The replies are very helpful. I have a 16 month old son and would like to start the weaning process. He only nurses when he is tired, but I sometimes find myself offering it to him instead of him asking for it. If we are out and about during the day or visiting family he is more interested in other things and never asks for milkie. It is usually when we are in the house and I am sitting on the couch.
Thank you ladies for offering your advice. Since my son is only 16 months old, talking and reasoning with him doesn't work as well as with a 2.5 year old. My son co-sleeps with us also and I love it. He usually only wakes up once to nurse in the night for a couple minutes but likes to nurse in the mornings. Any suggestions?

You don't need your hubby's help to stop nursing. As others have said just tell your son that there's no more milk. It's all gone. At 2 1/2 they can understand how things can just be gone. Don't make it a big issue because it really isn't. Through his entire life your son will be adjusting to change. This is just 1 of a million changes in his life.

2.5 year olds understand ALOT more than we give them credit for...have you tried talking with your son about this. Give it a week before you stop nursing, spend this time talking about it with your son. Prepare him for giving up "milkie". Take him to the store and let him pick out something special to sleep with. Over and over explain to him that it is time for mommy to put up milkie and you need his help with this. Anytime I have faced a hard transition with my daughter I have extensively talked it over with her beforehand. Generally the transitions are easy as pie and i am the one stressing over her reaction to change...not her.
Good luck and keep us posted!

I weaned my son at 21 months and he did not want to stop either. Someone suggested that I put bandaids on my nipples at the times he was used to nursing and explain to him that my nipples are soar and hurt when I nurse him so I need bandaids to protect them and he couldn't nurse anymore. He was very sympathetic and even when he was tired and was falling asleep or waking up and wanting the reassurance of breastfeeding, he would see and feel the bandaids and remember. We transitioned to cuddling instead so he didn't feel abandoned and he was fine with that alone within a couple days. I wore the bandaids for about a week and then didn't need them anymore. Good luck!

J.

Hello A., I am all for breastfeeding and have even nursed some foster children so understand I mean this is the nicest way. Nothing should get in the way of your relationship with your husband. When a child can ask for "milkie" you can do what you do when he asks for ice cream, walk in traffic or for a toy that will hurt etc just say no. It is a sweet bond but the child will learn in a matter of days that breast time is over &it's grow up time and it really is up to You, to let go and put a stop to it not your husband( as my husband says - he doesn't have what the child is asking for). So start a new bedtime routine for the child and if you have to leave the house at that time take a walk or go grocery shopping so you don't have to hear it. Having 5 children and now several grandchildren and again having nursed several foster children for their betterment, I believe that at 2 years old they understand when they are in charge and not you-- and beieve me if you are having a hard time now just wait til 16 when they are smarter than you are andcrazy enough to tell you so:) Good Luck and be strong.

My friend's husband was also pushing the issue when her son reached 2yrs old. Close to two and a half he agreed to put the boys (she has two) down for the night for a week straight. This meant that after dinner she got up from the table and went to the gym, had a Mom's Night Out... whatever. She had many conversations about how things would be "soon" and then "next week" and then "remember... tomorrow" so there wasn't any additional drama for Dad. Everyone was on the same page... even BigBro. For his 2.5yr half-birthday they served half a cake and celebrated his next step in life. If you aren't ready to stop nursing yoru son will definitely feel that and expect to climb right back on when the week is over and you're helping with bedtime again. Good luck!

I nursed my daughter until she was 20 months and then I had to stop because I needed to take some medication that was not OK w/ nursing. She was down to 2 times a day, before nap and before bed. We started the process on a Saturday and for 2 days in a row we went on day trips so that she napped in the car without nursing. Then my husband took over bed time duties for a few nights. I can't remember now, but I think I left the house to make it easier. It happened very quickly and easily for us, but my husband was willing to participate and when my daughter did ask I just told her there was no more milk. Can you give your son a snack or milk in a cup in the morning? Maybe plan to be busy during that morning nursing time?
Good luck and congrats on nursing for so long.
C.

Your husband might be one of "those". Mine is. I Love him, but mine is no help in any aspect of parenting. When you want to stop nursing, one way is to make it your sons idea. My son took a bottle way too long to go to sleep at night. I finally offered a big enough reward (and he was ready) if he would give up the bottle. He gave it up willingly and never looked back. I took him to Fairyland, and Thomas town in Discovery Kingdom, as promised, and he was a happy little camper. He has a pillow now that he cant sleep without. better.

I'm mad at your husband! Back in the day fathers let mothers be mothers. Women nursed longer in ancient times. I think any issues with your hubby is a symptom of something else and not a result of nursing. My daughter is almost 2.5 and she still nurses and sleeps with us. I want to wean for health reasons but my hubby doesn't mind the nursing or co-sleeping. I would like the bed to myself sometimes though! I didn't want to nurse this long either but she has a deep emotional attatchment to it. Your son does too I guess so a delicate approach is needed. Does he sleep with you too? Can you nurse him to sleep and move him to another bed? Why does your husband want you to wean? It's not his decision quite frankly. Remember your little boy will always love you like no other because he's your baby boy. Husbands can come and go but your son will always be your baby. Also I've read that most toddlers self wean at 3-4 years old so he'll wean soon. Motherhood is tough isn't it? And we're expected to work outside the home on top of it? We need to take back motherhood!