Need Help Transitioning to Toddlerhood

You are such a great mom. This is a very frustrating time from both mom and baby. Yes, her baby toys no longer hold any interest for her. She wants to do things that make her part of the big world around her. Now is the time to pull out plastic tubs and create a drawer just for her to play with, as long as she can't get her fingers caught in there. You do have to ignore a lot of behavior at this age, but there also needs to be somethings that are a BIG no. I created a seminar to correct little toddlers for just this reason. My website is www.proactiveparenting.net. The seminar is called Correcting Toddlers. You will love it. It's the most gentle, loving, firm way way to correct little ones up to the age of 2.5. or 3. You will use it now for the BIG no's, and really use it as she goes through the next few years.
Enjoy this time, it goes so fast!
S. @ Proactive Parenting

Hi E.. My 17 month old is in a phase where she doesn't even really play with her toys (which is sad because she has a ton of them). She loves to carry around her books. She babbles to them, or mommy and daddy reads them all day long. Other then the books, we play ball for about an hour at night, and she does help mommy with some chores (small tasks make her feel accomplished) and thats it. I think kids just go through phases.
Get some crayons and see if she likes to color, make your own edible playdoh (cheap and easy), get a bunch of tennis balls (those are my baby's favorite), fill up a water bottle with popcorn kernals or change and let her shake it. As far as eating, what does she normally eat? Is she eating with a fork and spoon yet? My baby right now only likes things she can pick up or use a fork with herself. So like spaghetti will end up on the floor for the most part because she hasn't learned how to put it on the fork.
Try letting her chew on frozen waffles for teething, or a partially frozen wet wash cloth, get the mesh feeders (you can find them anywhere) and put frozen berries, watermelon, cantaloupe, peaches, etc in them and let her gnaw on them. Good Luck!

Teething is always tough but you should still see some of her personality. My youngest was often clingy and my favorite way to stop the clingyness was to smother her. I'd just be in her face ALL DAY, holding her 'til she was so done being held she was ready to have a fit, sitting too close, helping her play, never stopping talking with her...you get the idea. Usually after the first day of my obnoxious smothering she was done and back to her own thing. She was also a bad eater and along with my smothering I would feed her (and since she is very independent that was annoying) but it made her eat and didn't allow for any food throwing which has never been tolerated in my home even though they're babies. Smothering the clingy baby seemed to help a lot of things, once they get enough mommy they're less frustrated and bored. I would also try a change of scenery, go to the park or mall playground if it's too hot. A new toy probably would hold her interest for a while. I frankly never believed that allowing the bad behavior to go on while waiting for the child to "grow out of it" was worthwhile I couldn't maintain my sanity in between. I do believe in physical punishment but not for minor infractions and a stern, "No" and refusal to participate in any hijinks usually worked for me. Keeping in mind my parenting style might be different than yours though, we didn't childproof our home and I have never allowed screaming or throwing anything (certainly not food) in my home.

First of all, teething can turn the most wonderful baby into a very difficult child. Try Hylands or Humphries tablets and on a really bad day, give her tylenol or motrin. Is she sleeping ok? Not sleeping well can only compound the problem. I know when my son is not feeling well and it lasts for more than a few days I worry just like you : "Oh my God, what if this is what he will be like forever??" But of course, he goes back to being the sweet boy he always was. Experiment with different toys and maybe she wants company? Also, now is a good time to allow her to watch educational videos like BeeSmart or Brainy Baby. I didn't let my son watch them but when he was diagnosed with a speech delay, I started letting him watch and I think they really helped him. I am a big fan of redirecting. If its a undesirable behavior but age appropriate, I redirect him to something age appropriate but desirable. Sometimes that just means a really big hug or swinging him around. Fortunatly, my son is a very good boy. I would take your daughter out of the highchair because I found that mealtimes were very stressful in the highchair. Try a booster seat and allow her more decision with what she eats. She could also be bored of her toys. Try taking her out as much as possible. Good luck!

Try reading some books to give you an understanding of what your toddler is going through. I really like 1 2 3 the toddler years. It gives you great advice on how to interact with your toddler as well as how to discipline. Good luck!

Get Signing Time videos from the library - they are GREAT! Use signing with her to help her communicate what she wants with you.

I am Deaf myself and used signs with my son. I didn't have any terrible two's tantrums until about 3 and he wanted things like going outside at naptime/bedtime or playing with the knife, all things I understood what he wanted but NO he could not! :-)

Signing is a GREAT way to get around the frustration since some of it is they have ideas but have no way of expressing it to you since it takes several more years before they can make all the sounds necessary to make words. It is SO simple to squeeze your fist (as if milking a cow) for milk as opposed to saying MILK, for example.

Signing Time with Alex and Leah, by Rachel de Azevedo is really good, I have met adults who learned (and actually used!!!) signs with me just from watching this series. Never met (or signed with) anyone else who watched other sign videos. I also really love Signing Time because it got my autistic niece communicating!

You may find that the toys she's most interested in are the least sophisticated. A metal mixing bowl and a plastic spool, a drawer full of GladWare, some plastic cups made into a pyramid and a ball can go a long way (even with my kids at 2 and 4).

Each kid is completely different. Our son has always been drawn to cars, trucks, very masculine toys. Our daughter is completely different.

As far as discipline, it's one of the few areas for which we don't agree with our pediatrician. I don't believe redirection is effective most of the time. I do personally believe it ignores the bad behavior and doesn't set expectations of what's acceptable.

Yes, I'm that disciplinarian mom who has high expectations of my children. I expect pleases, thank-you's, excuse me's, I'm sorry's, etc. I immediately correct my kids for things I hear and things I see and let them know, without reservation that it's not acceptable. And, my husband and I are always receiving compliments on how well-behaved they are at 2 and 4 years-old.

Hitting, biting, etc. you can easily correct with an authoritative voice and a simple, "No, we don't hit". After enough repetitions, you can ask them "Do we hit" and they can respond to make sure it's understood.

Becoming a toddler is all about exerting independence for them and keeping it in check for us. Unfortunately, I've realized lately that most parents don't want to be the bad guy, they want to be the friend and to be loved and adored. Because of the communication gap, one of the easiest ways we found to reduce frustrations was to ask them to "show me" what they needed.

Letting the behavior go will only create more problems down the road and make it more difficult to correct. One thing we all need to do more of is complimenting for what they do well and when they behave well instead of it all being correction.

My kids are certainly not angels, and we have joked (yes, only jokingly) about putting them on e-Bay on multiple occasions.

Good luck! It's all trial and error, and you're both learning here.

hi E. - i don't have an answer for you (sorry!), i just wanted you to know i am experiencing the SAME thing you are! seemed like overnight my sweet boy turned into a BRAT! he throws his food, the cup (this one drives me CRAZY), hits me/pulls my hair. i've spanked once and felt horrible. i've used time outs and it's actually effective! he's 19 mos though...a little older. i wanted you to know you are SO not alone and i'm anxious to see what people say to do and toys they recommend b/c i'm afraid my son's toys are too babyish too but i don't wanna spend boo-koos of money buying new ones just yet. (know where to buy inexpensive toys btw??)
anyway, hang in there, we're gonna make it through and you're a great mom because you care! good luck sweetie - the responses so far sound pretty good and i also give my son pediasure when he won't eat, which is something else someone suggested, so def try that one. they come in vanilla/chocolate flavor so it's easy to get them to drink it. BONUS! :)

take care E. & good luck! :)

Hi,

Check out the Happiest Toddler on the Block book by Dr. Harvey Karp. He has some interesting techniques for dealing with toddlers. My son just turned two. From early on, I have tried to give him consequences to his actions. When he intentionally drops food from the table/high chair, I make him pick it up after he's done eating. The intentional dropping stopped very quickly!! (I got some ideas on this from a Love & Logic book. I didn't agree with some of the ideas in the book but do like the idea of giving consequences, not punishment. I don't yell at my son and punish him by making him pick up the food. It's more like, oh no, you dropped food, you need to pick it up because we can't leave it on the floor.) I also have given him very brief time-outs when he's intentionally testing me with bad behavior. I used his crib for the time-outs, which probably isn't the best idea, but a playard would work well. My son is my first and only child, so I don't know if children grow out of the bad behavior if you ignore it, but my instinct would tell me no. My mother advised me that the earlier you correct any behavior, the better. Don't assume they are too young to understand. Also, be sure your daughter gets plenty of rest and snacks. Sometimes when my son is acting up, he is tired or hungry and I don't realize it until he's acting up. Good luck and enjoy!

I'm always sad to hear this at this age b/c it's my FAVORITE age. Please please please please use sign language with your daughter. Look into an instructor from www.Sign2Me.com, as they use real ASL.

Also, I don't feel a fifteen month old is capable of being naughty. What she does at this age isn't purposefully disrespectful or hurtful. She's trying to meet some needs. And a fifteen month old SHOULD be clingy, especially if she's not feeling well. It's our job to redirect babies all day long. Get some ideas here or from books on activities that are easy to set up, maintain and clean up. Take her OUTSIDE as much as you can, as that is so necessary for our children's development. Spend MORE time with her close and in arms so she'll feel confident going off on her own when ready. Get a back carrier or sling. Good luck!

You could let her finger paint, making your own with pudding. :) Also, playdoh, puzzles, reading, and an Elmo or Barney dvd here and there.
Also, a sand and water table is fun for them, a ballpit, and sidewalk chalk are fun. The BEST toy that my daughter ever got was/is the busy ball popper from playskool!! It's noisy, but she's loved it for 2 years now and she's almost 3!
For the discipline, yes, you are right for redirecting her. Saying no and doing something else at this age are appropriate. Time-outs can start around 18 months.