Need Help on How to Support Friend

Since she is your girlfriend, make arrangements among several of her friends (including you) to go to her house and tell her you will take her phone calls for her...I'm sure that is what she is needing MOST right now! All anyone needs to know at this point is that she lost the baby ~ no details necessary. If you are close to another one of her friends, why don't both of you go, and while you are screening her calls for her, go through the baby gifts she was given. Anything that still has the tags on it can be returned (another offer to make among her friends), and if the tags have been removed, offer to take them for her (if she can't stand to see anything right now) and store them until she is ready to go through them and sort what she wants to keep, and what she wants to donate.

A friend of ours lost her baby this summer, too, and she did NOT want to continue wearing her maternity clothes, so a bunch of us at church pitched in a little bit of money, and got her a gift card to use at Kohl's so she could buy a new wardrobe in the size that she needs now.

Also, since the baby was near the due date, she will need help in planning a funeral, and you might be able to help her with that, as well. She may very well need you to go to the funeral home to help her pick out a casket (be prepared for sobs that won't seem to stop).

I am SO SORRY to hear about your friend's loss. Please let her know that we are praying for her!

With greatest sympathies,
~J.~
____@____.com (Please feel free to email me if you need anything. We live in Carrollton.)

I have a friend who lost her baby during pregnancy and I would say don't wait for her to call you to tell you what she needs because she won't. Call her, go over to visit her. Do as much as you can for her.

My friend felt so alone after it happened. She needed the comfort of friends and family during that time. I called my friend as soon as I found out and she told me the whole awful story. We cried and cried together and I think it helped her to know other people cared enough about her and her baby to cry with her. Some other girlfriend's and I got together and went to her house and brought dinner and we talked it all through all over again. Even to this day, and this was many years ago, we still talk about it on occasion and I can tell she appreciates that she can talk about it with us because it's like we went through it with her and she doesn't feel so alone about it.

I don't begin to claim I know how it actually feels because I've not gone through it, but I can only imagine it's a cold and lonely place to be inside the head of someone who's gone through such a terrible tragedy. I think she needs the warmth of other people who love and care about her so she's not always sitting there in that cold place by herself thinking about it in a way that will only make her feel more alone. Be there for her, physically and emotionally, but don't expect her to tell you what she needs. She probably doesn't even know the answer to that right now.

I'm sorry about your friend's loss. I lost my baby girl at full-term and what helped me most was having my friends around for support. Let her know how sorry you are for her loss. Bring her a meal, clean her house, take her out for lunch, go shopping with her. Also a great organization called M.E.N.D (Mommies enduring neo-natal death) has really helped me. Contact them at MEND.org and have them send her some information.

So sorry to hear about your friend's terrible loss.

You might want to check out www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org and see if you think your friend who be interested in what they do.

C.

I lost a baby when I was full term and my advice is to be there for her and comfort and just be a lending ear and hand. Maybe cook and clean for her, since I was in a deep depression I didnt want to do anything so anything helpful will help. Also, give some toys or other things that would remind her of the baby (it might make her sad but it would be helpful in the long run). There is another site called www.babyangelpics.com that photography too.

I think Janette has great advice for you! Help in anyway you can, if you are close try not to distance yourself. Just come right out and ask her "what can I do to help you". My SIL had to deliver her baby at 6 months and the baby had already passed away. She also took pictures- that have never been shared with anyone else. The website that was given to you is great- I looked at it and think its a wonderful thing. This would be a personal decision though. Good luck and just be a friend. I am so sorry for her loss. M.

I heard some great advice on a radio talk show the other day for helping a friend during such a terrible time. The advice given was to be a girlfriend. Go out (when she's willing and able) and do fun stuff. Take her to lunch, get pedicures, see a funny movie. Don't try to be a therapist, don't show her pity. Just have fun with her when she's ready.