Need Help My Son Is Three and Doesn't Talk

my step son is five and just started to talk it is normal but if you have E.C.A.P.E.it is a programe to help kids like him get help to start talking, good luck,

my son is 4 and is just talking. people kept saying he was autistic but he was so social when he wanted to be. I went to a childrens hospital and after a day of evaluations he was diagnosed with dyspraxia. Meaning he don't have the muscle tone to form words. The only treatment was developmental preschool in the school system and speech therapy. They were worried the first 6 months because he wouldn't play or get involved with the class. but then one day he did a 180. He is talking were you can understand about 80% of what he says. They say it was just time.

I had my third child when my youngest was three and he actually regressed and took longer than I had hoped to potty train. He even went as far as to say he was the baby and wanted to ware diapers. It wasn't a big deal and I let him wear the diapers. Than he cried and said that he wanted to wear pull-ups. I told him that pull- up's were for big boy's and not baby's. So what I'm trying to say, with your two children being so close in age, your son might take a little longer than you have hoped because you have to take care of the youngest more often. Just give it time and maybe to your surprise the new baby will want to be like brother and go at a young age in the potty. In regard to the speech I have a similar problem with my three year old he has a hard time saying his th's and s's. I hope speech will help your child and am hoping that my son will grow out of this. I do try having him do his th's and s's and he gets discouraged easily and doesn't want to try any more. I hear reading helps and do it on a regular bases. When my sister was young we use to speak for her and she didn't talk until the age of four. I don't know your circumstances� but speech therapy is a good thing. It sound like your being the best mom you can be by supporting your children and getting help for your son.
If your interested in being able to spend more time at home, being a signal parent and all, just drop me a note with your number and a good time to call and I might be able to offer something that will work around your schedule.

~G.

First off - Do NOT say that you are not doing a good job. You are doing the best you can and the fact that you are on here asking questions shows that you are a caring mother.

Secondly, I just wanted to let you know that my sons half sister (not mine) didn't talk until she was four and now she is in sixth grade and makes all As and Bs. Every kid develops at their own pace.

Einstein didn't speak till he was six!

Also, I would be careful about putting a three year old in special ed. At this point I'm not sure why they are jumping to conclusions, although I'm no specialist and not really qualified to make any sort of diagnosis, it just seems a little premature to me.

Hi T.,

I have a couple of questions before we get started. Has your child been medically evaulated to make sure there is no hearing problems? Have you considered sign language as another form of communication? Remember boys, learn things usually slower than girls do. So I wouldn't be concerned with the potty training. Three to four is a typical age for boys to train. 2-3 for girls. Did you work with early intervention before he turned 3? This might be a great avinue to explore. Even though he is beyond the age group that early intervention helps. They do work with the paerents of younger children and may be able to offer assistance or support on waht the next step may bring.
H. B.

My 3 yo grandson is in speech therapy and also making slow progress. He's starting a speech therapy program thru Head Start this week. It is important to get kids started in therapy as early as possible while their brain and nerve pathways are still developing. I wouldn't call it special eduation because of the connotation that term has from the past. (That kids are isolated in a special program and given labels which can stick with them for their whole life.) I am guessing that although your son is getting speech therapy he also plays with the kids who talk. (unless this is a program just for learning speech. In that case it's like sending your child for music lessons. There is no negative connotation.)

Have you had him evaluated so that you have an idea about what is possibly causing the delay? This would rule out autism which is only one cause of not talking. The federal government mandates a program called Early Intervention which requires all school districts to test, evaluate, and provide services to a child with special needs such as having a speech delay. I am guessing that you are participating in that program since he's in a preschool program. If not I'd recommend checking out what they can provide free of charge by contacting the school district.

And I want to praise you for noticing and seeing that your son gets help. Just doing that is a big help. Of course, you cannot do as much as someone else might be able to do because you are working full time and have another child. If you can accept that it is OK to just do what you can do you will be more relaxed and better able to help your son.

I've done some research on the Internet and recommend the following sites:

www.aafp.org/afp/990600/3121.html

www.taloredmktg.com/dypraxia/das.shtml

A brief comment on potty training. I don't know if not being able to potty train is related to his speech delay but I'd guess it's not. Boys ar not physiologically mature enough to potty train as early as girls are. I seldom hear of a boy being trained before 3 or 4 or even later. Their bodies just do not mature as early. And that is also one reason for speech delays. Slow maturation of the brain and nerves that produce speech.

Frist, you have way to much up in the air to worry about potty training right now- I have found that summer is a better time for boys anyway. Second, don't beat youself up, you are doing the best you can and people who quickly pinpont your problems rarely know what the problem is to begin with!
With your son going into special education, you have a team of people who should be working with you to get your son all the testing and help he needs. Stay in contact with them. Your son may need to see a speech-language pathologist or other specialist and it may be up to YOU to push it along to get where you need to get.
Also have your son's ears checked again and see what your doctor has to say as ear wax and other health related issues are sometomes hidden problems.
I recently found a computer program/game called Earobics that
has been an answer to prayer for our children. It helps strengthen skills in phonological awareness and audutory prossesing. I know they have one for smaller children but I use the adolescent one with my young grandchildren sitting on my lap and have seen results. www.earobics.com
I also love Rusty and Rosy programs. They have a 4 box set that are simple, clear, colorful and fun videos and children love to watch them over and over - until they start saying/singing right along with Rusty and Rosy! I have found several sets at yard sales or on ebay and have shared them will everyone who has small children because they are one of the best programs around. http://www.rustyandrosy.ca/
Just remember - you are loved!

I know my youngest son would not talk for a while. It was difficult for me cause I was a divorce working mother and I would try to encourage him to speak but his father wasn't doing the same. He would grunt, point and scream until i put him in a daycare that would work with him and encourage him to use his words.

With the pottying get the children's movie It's Potty Time. The best place to find it is at a store called Once Upon a Child. They teach pottying through song.

I had a similar problem with my 2 year old. She didn't talk at all and when she did, it was like moans and grunts. By two, her older sister could recite the alphabet and repeat anything that you said. Since your son is already in speech therapy, I am assuming they checked his ears right? My daughters ears were full of fluid when they started her in speech therapy so they immediately sent her to a ear specialist and we decided on putting tubes in her ears. Within 2 days I swear that girl started saying everything clearly. It's like someone finally opened up her ears. The doctor explained it as if she was underwater hearing things. So like I said they have probably already checked his ears, but this was my situation. I also thought it to be true that boys are a little slower learning to talk then girls. Especially when children have older siblings that kinda do the talking for them. Good luck!

Hi T.! I see that you have your son in speech therapy. Has been evaluated by EC Cares? My son is now 3.5yrs old, when he was 2 I became concerned about him not speaking, after being evaluated, he was a little behind in communication and we had in home visits for a little over a year helping us to learn new ways of communication and now he speaks very well. I feel that he needed me to not push so hard for him to talk, but to compromise and help him with other ways, then he felt comfortable using words as he learned them. I would be happy to give you the # to the EC Cares program if you are interested in hearing more.

My son didn't talk until very late either. When he was 2 1/2, he began getting frustrated if I didn't understand what he wanted. He would scream and bang his head on things (coffee table, cabinets, concrete sidewalk). That's when I decided to talk to a speech therapist about him. She evaluated him, and determined that there were no hearing problems, and ruled out Autism. (I was told that in most cases, children who are Autistic develop speech normally until a certain point, then begin to back-slide and stop communicating as much, or in different ways, so if he never has talked, there's a good chance it's not Autism. Obviously, let the doctor advise you on that.)
We began working with him twice a week at first, because we wanted to try to get him to learn any means of communication as soon as possible, so he would stop hurting himself in frustration. She had me very involved in the whole process. I was right there on the floor with them both through every minute of it. That way, I was learning along with him, so I would be practicing the same things with him at home. We did play-based learning. That way, he's having fun while he's learning, and you can get more time in, without him getting bored and upset. We communicated with him through speech and sign language at the same time. That way, if there was some kind of physical problem that he COULDN'T speak, we wouldn't be starting all over.
One other thing that REALLY helped us was making a picture book for him to use. Use magazines, or a camera to get pictures of his favorite foods, toys, etc. Then, put them in a book, so he can point to what he wants. This helped immediately, to eliminate his anger until we could teach him to speak. We took it everywhere with us, and I still have it, with his baby book.
We lived in Norfolk, NE when we were going through this. They had a LOT of resources for delayed children there. They had a place, just like a library, that had a collection of toys that would help with a variety of different delays. (Example, toys that worked with Jelly-Bean switches for physically handicapped children, special tricycles, etc. All toys that would be another HUGE expense for the family of a child who likely already has a high maintenance price tag.) It worked just like a library. We got to use a lot of toys that made noises, had bright colors, flashing lights, sound effects, and some kind of cause and effect emphasis. These worked great, because something new always made him really excited, and all of the lights, noises, etc really got him going, and he would want to talk about it. Anyway, you might want to see if there is something like this around there.
Sorry this is getting so long. I guess the best advice would be to just take it one day at a time. TRUST ME, there will be a day when you will wish he would just BE QUIET for 5 minutes. I still joke with him, asking why I worked so hard to get him to talk. He thinks it's funny. (He's almost 7 now.)
If you ever want to talk, or need any other ideas on what worked or didn't work for us, please contact me anytime. ____@____.com

L.

Hello T.,
Don't worry my son is going to be 5 on october 28, and he didnt talk until he was 4 now i want him to shup up. A friend recomend us child finder or something like that is the name of the program my husband he is the one who know the exacly name of the school program, but he qualified they saw on him some motor skills delay and he start in pre-school since he was three dont let people worry you like your son he is behind or he will never talk or wharever. My son he is very smart i think he didnt talk early because when he was born he had fluid in his ears so they put some tubes and the fluid came out. now he is fine. Now where your son he is going to preschool? if you are interested i can give you the phone of chilfinder. Believe me dont worry, my olders brother he didnt talk until almost 5 and he is the smarter of all of us he hold a bachelor degree. he is a civil enginer in my country of course, but believe me i dont let people or doctors mess with my head i know my kid. i don't write perfect english, but i make sure educate myself and inform myself in everything so i am the one who decide what is best for my kids regarding what any doctor said. you're de mom you know your son if he is behind or not. Also at the school the said to me that he need some kind electronic device to comunicate with other i never agree with that because what happen is any potencial he have will be replace and then he will became dependent of this machine after i said noooo!!! he start talking now my god he cant shup up.
Let me know if you need this phone number.

josie

____@____.com

I don't know about the talking issue, but here's some advice on potty training:

This is the same method as the Potty Train in One Day book, but you don't have to buy the book:
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/264

Worked like a charm for my 3-year-old son.

Speaking two languages in the home has nothing to do with his not talking. People just say that out of ignorance. I would just suggest lessons at home and not letting him point to things he wants, but having him say the words. Have you had his hearing checked? He may have a hard time processing what he is hearing. Also, my youngest son didn't speak much before he was two and then started speaking in complete sentences. He is very meticulous and wants to do everything just right. Your boy may be the same way and he is just afraid nobody will understand him if he talks right now.

Has anyone mentioned autism? Did he go thru the local school district to get into Sp. Ed preschool? If so, they should have tested him and come to some conclusions about why he is speech delayed. If not push them for answers and more testing. I'm telling you from experience to NEVER wait and see! The sooner you get answers and a definitive diagnosis the sooner you can get appropriate therapy for your son. My daughter is almost 4 and has High-Functioning Autism. She is on the gluten free casein free diet (GFCF) which is no wheat/gluten and no dairy. She takes dietary supplements vitamins etc supervised by a DAN! doctor (Defeat Autism Now!). She is in speech therapy and occupational therapy and ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis). She is making HUGE strides. Kids with autism can get better and some can even lose the diagnosis entirely but not without help. No one wants to hear their child is autistic but knowing the diagnosis, accepting it and moving forward are half the battle. Also, most of the literature about speech delay says that children with speech delays should not be exposed to two languages, it's very confusing for them. Until they are fluent in one language, they should not be exposed to another. Autistic kids are very difficult to potty train. I know that well as we just had a "potty party" for my daughter this past weekend with great success and she will be 4 in December!! It is also widely believed that Einstein was autistic!!!! You are not doing a bad job! Some doctors/specialists are very reluctant to place a label on a child like autism. However, the label gives you power to get the services he needs thru the school district. You will now have to be his advocate and well as his Mom as you will have to fight for everything he is entitled to. With the school district/s it's all about money, not your child. I know this fight very well. We only have one child so it's so much easier as we are able to focus all of our energy on her. It's very difficult when there are siblings. But the siblings can be of great help as they provide built in playmates and language models. Do some research on the internet about autism etc. There is a wealth of info out there. I hope this helps and is not too overwhelming. Getting answers will help you know what to do. You're a great Mom for knowing that something is wrong with all that you already have on your plate. Listen to your intuition. My only regret with my daughter is that we didn't have an earlier diagnosis. Early intervention is critical as the brain is still growing and changing. The recommendation is to start intervention before the age of 5 to get the most from all the therapies and possible recovery. Best of luck to you and your journey.

B.

My son only said "mommy" until he was three and a half. How long has your child been in speech therapy? Did you have him evaluated for any physical disorders? When I started my son in the Head Start program I had him evaluated for the IEP and set him up with evaluations from both a regular doctor for blood tests and a behariorist to see if there were any other developmental delays that were coinsiding with the speech delay. It took my son a while to adjust, but when he did his speech flew! He is now the most cognitive advanced child in his age group at both his school and his day care, but I do a lot of things with him at home so it's like being at school from the time he wakes up until bed time. That doesn't mean we don't have our problems still. He's still not all the way potty trained. So I guess what I'm saying is see if there is simply a longer period of adjustment time for your childs needs and, since you are a teacher you probably already know this, but you are your child's greatest advocate. You should really get in touch with his regular physician and have him refer you to other specialists who can evaluate your son for anything else that might hinder his speech. If anything crossing off other possibilites of why things are the way they are can give you a direction in which to go.

Hi T.,
I have some advise is on potty training that worked very well for me and my son when he had just turned 2 and was showing signs of being ready (suprisingly), I followed the instructions in the book "Potty Train Your Child In Just One Day" and It was a miricle, it really worked for us in just one day. Keep in mind there are prep days before the "Big Potty Training Day" But this book says it has helped children just starting out or who have Potty Problems even up into there teens.
You can look it up on barnes&noble.com
Good Luck.

My nephew did not begin speaking until 3.5 and had other peculiar behaviors as well. My brother took him to dozens of doctors until they finally were going to diagnose him with Autism. My sister-in-law's intuition told her that wasn't it, so they took him to a naturopathic doctor. He advised that they take him off of his allergy medicine and see what happened. With in 2 months he was talking! With the help of a speech therapist, he talks perfect 8 months later. His other behaviors (rocking, being withdrawn) are gone as well.
After seeing this, I think it is important to explore all possibilities. He has extreme allergies, so not taking his medication is not easy for him, but we believe it is better than the alternative.

Morning. We kind of had/have the same problem. Our son turned 4 in May and he is on his 2nd year of pre-school and he is just now talking. We tried the talking time class and he hated it. Some people/children are just slow or stubborn. Our son still doesn't talk as well as the other children but he is slowly opening up. Whenever you hear a word, repeat it to him. Or when he wants something, say the word to him, he will pick up soon. Just remember, you want him to talk now but when he is a teenager, you will be telling him to be quiet. Have a good day and just wait it out, he will talk soon.. H.

Hi T.,
Have you had your son's ear checked? I know a few kids who at three were not talking or who had limited speech due to ear problems. once that problem was addressed the speech improved. Good luck

Is his special education preschool through the school district? Did you have him evalutated? Does he have other issues? Are they providing speech therapy? If so, how much? My son just started preschool because he's really speech delayed too (he's got an educational diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder) and he's getting 90 minutes a week of speech therapy. How long has your son been going to preschool? Where has he gotten his speech therapy? How long has he been doing it? Do you do any sign language with him?

Email me ____@____.com. Since I'm in the same boat with you but have been doing Early Intervention and private speech therapy for a while, I may have lots of ideas for you. But I need to know a little more about what you have and haven't done so I won't have to write you a whole book. We've tried many, many different things over the past year and some have definitely worked better than others.

:-)T.

Have you tried " coaxing " him to speak? By that I mean If he is thirsty, pour him a glass of something yummy like chocolate milk and ask him to say a word like "Milk" or "Drink" (of course the whole time encourage him by you saying the word as well). Start with one word and when he does that reward him with the object. Pretty soon you can work up to sentences. This can be done with other things like a toy, or at the playground on the swings. Place him in the swing and say push and push him then don't push him and tell him to say push, when he says that push him again, etc. This worked with my son, once a "coaxed" him out of his shell I can't get him to stop talking!! Good Luck!!