Need Help! My Son Is Driving Me Crazy

It really isn't terrible two's its terrible 3s. I will take a 2 yr old over a 3 yr old any day of the week. I think you need to get some consistent discipline down now. Read 1-2-3 Magic it does work. I rarely get to 2 let alone 3 now. If he screams he does not get anything he will learn to ask nicely if he really wants something, if he doesn't listen put him in a time out kids cry I'd rather deal with a neighbor that has a crying child then one that blasts music at 2 AM. As far as sleeping goes cry it out should not last 2 hrs and to let it go that long is wrong. I don't care how old or young the child is 2 hrs is 2 hrs too long and cry it out does not work with all children. My 3.5 year old used to wake 1 or 2 times a night and then be ready to start his day at 5 AM and suddenly at 3.5 yrs he started sleeping 730-730. Have you tried laying down with him for that extra hour of sleep? If my son does wake up earlier then me I get him and put the tv on and sleep another hour while we snuggle.
As far as the trike incident I would not have let it go on for 20 minutes I would have taken him off the trike the 3rd time he put his feet down.

Hi. I really feel for you. I have a high strung child and know what it's like. My suggestion is to go at it from a completely different angle. I will jokingly say that you are approaching it all wrong by coming at it from the viewpoint of a rational adult. :)

What helped me was rethinking how I asked questions. For example, instead of waiting for him to pedal to the car whenever he darn well felt like it, I would challenge him that I could outrun him and win the race to the car.

Another thing I would do is really listen to *why* my son is saying no. For example, he won't wear the hat because he doesn't like the color. So - change colors, offer daddy's hat, offer *anything* that will keep his head covered.

One other thing I will do is think about what really is the important part and let the other parts go to his discretion. For example, the important thing is that he is quiet in the morning, so maybe it's okay that he has some toys to throw all over his room, or that he has some cheerios available. (not good examples, but hopefully you get a basic idea)

I can think of three books that really helped me: Playful Parenting, Raising your Spirted Child, and How to Talk so Kids will Listen. All have information that was helpful.

My son was a giant pistol from birth and matured a little around four and again at six. It takes a long time for them to grow and doing things from their perspective really does contribute to them being well behaved when they grow older. It also does wonders for saving your sanity along the way.

Regarding the wake time: I found a wonderful nightlight for my kids that glows as a blue moon at night and then changes to a yellow sunshine when it is time for the kids to get up...and you get to set the time of when the moon glows and the sun shines! The kids learned that they must stay in their bed and be very quiet while the moon is on. Then, once the sunshine is up, they can leave their room and come into ours. I found this online at www.goodnitelite.com It was worth the money.

Give this center a call. They are located in Chicago. It is called "Tuesdays Child". They help parents with kids with behavior problems. I myself am looking into it, because my 2 year old son is starting to drive my husband and I crazy. The screaming, and demanding is wearing us down. Our daughter is so sweet and we raised them both the same way, yet they are extreme polar opposites. I have tried 1-2-3 magic, taking toys away, and quiet time in his crib. He still screams all day long when he doesn't get his way. I keep praying that it will be just a phase.

Ah yes, I am unfortunately familiar with these types of issues.

My suggestion is to get rid of the tricycle to the car ritual and any other similar things. It's too distracting and he can too easily take control of the situation. Make a new morning routine that is as simple as possible. Your job after that will be to keep him from straying from that routine. Initially there will be a fight as he resists change but in the long run it will make your life so much easier. This is a lesson I have learned the hard way. If you have to get rid of multiple things like this take it one thing at a time. Don't give in, even once. You may have to do things for him sometimes (like carry him to the car kicking and screaming) to keep him from procrastinating his way out of something. Look out, new rituals will take hold when you are not paying attention and let Dad know the plan because it is critical that you stick together on this. Lastly, I can soooo relate to being embarrassed in public when dealing with this but just remember you are doing what you need to do. Good Luck!

All four of my kids had the terrible threes, not the twos like I had always heard about. I think at the age of three their independence is really coming on strong and frustration is it's close companion. What worked best for us was giving very clear choices every time: you can ride your bike straight to the car or you can be carried, which one do you want? And be very final with the consequences. Sure fire cure? No way! Difficult? You bet! Tough age but you'll get through it, hang in there mama!

First, take a breath a know that this will pass. You and your hubby have your hands full and its ok to feel overwhelmed.

Has there been a change at home or at school? have you spoken to your son's doctor?

If your son is otherwise healthy and not affected by a recent change he might just be looking for your attention and just not sure how to get it?

I feel for you- I would start with his teacher and physician to figure out the changes in his behavior. Don't feel discouraged by this! Lots of kids and parents experience the same thing and hopefully his teacher and physician can help you work through it.

good luck!

Well, with the waking early thing -he may be going through a growth spurt or some phase. This just happens with kids and it's horrible for parents who need more sleep, but it comes with the territory! Go to bed earlier while he's doing it. Usually the child goes back to a more manageable pattern before too long. Look at why he's getting up so early. Is he fully potty trained or is he wetting or pooping and that's waking him up? I have great sleepers for the most part (although we have gone through these phases), but the minute someone poops in his diaper OR it becomes too wet -we're up! Does he complain of being hungry when he wakes up or is there a train or something that comes through at that time?

I have a son who is 4.5 and he's what I would call "highly sensitive." I've not had him evaluated yet (not sure if we will or not) for actual sensory processing disorder, but you may want to look into it if this is such an overwhelming problem it never resolves. With my son, it's just a matter of being very "aware." We know that certain situations are likely to cause meltdowns and there are some things we would LOVE to expose him to right now, but they're going to have to wait (large scale theatrical productions, fireworks, 3D movies). He freaks out about certain things I would define as "nit-picky" but that's just him. Quite honestly he often acts like portrayals you see or read about kids with Asperger's or Autism, but we've been to a psychologist and he's definitely not either. He also is very affectionate, social, looks you in the eye, etc. BUT he freaks out over getting dressed and undressed (and I mean melt down crazy) and loud noises -or even slightly above normal noises send him into fits (and we've had his hearing checked). It takes special handling to make it through holidays and special occasions -but it is possible as long as we realize queues and don't over-stimulate him too much.

At your son's age, they do things like stopping to look at seeds and dawdling about. They really don't have a hard concept of "time" and the need to be places at certain times. This has driven me nuts, but again -it's just part of having toddlers and small children. You should tell him that he's going to have to ride in the stroller if he can't peddle and keep up with you without stopping. OR tell him after the way he acted today, he has to ride in the stroller for a week. Remind him that when he's allowed back on his toy, he can't stop and has to keep pace with you or you'll have to use the stroller. Tell him you have to be there at a certain time, and he can ride his bike later when you're not pressed for time. OR -while he's getting up so early, leave for the car much earlier and let him take his time. As far as the hat, coat -whatever it is or will be -I let my kids learn that lesson on their own. My oldest went through the "no coat/no hat" stage around age 3. Even though it's much warmer in Atlanta than Chicago, it DOES get cold here, and there were some mornings in the 20s and 30s when he refused. I took the items with us and told him, "Fine -it's very cold, and you're going to get very cold in a hurry, but if you want to be cold, that's your choice." It usually takes about 5 minutes before they want it all on! So, get more rest -get up with him -pay attention to his queues -and if nothing changes with him soon -it's okay to take him to a child psychologist and talk some things out to see what solutions you can find.

***OH -and the suggestion for the book, "Raising Your Spirited Child" is great! We've also used that book, and it's very helpful!

Dear K.,
it sounds like things are stressful! Do you work outside of the home? Does your son have to go to preschool? It sounds like he is a normal 3 year old who likes to explore his surroundings. Does he take naps? I find with my littles that at a certain point they start needin less sleep. If I cut out the naps they sleep better through the night. Also if he is cold when he wakes up, it might make it less likely that he will go back to sleep. We have sleep cycles where we go through deeper and lighter sleep. During the lighter sleep cycle, we are more sensitive to waking up if there is light, noise, or temperature discomfort. You can possibly help him by making sure these issues are not factors for him. Warmer pjs often do the trick. As for CIO, I don't personally think that is a good idea. In my opinion, it only teaches the children that we are not reliable to help them in their perceived time of need. What a sad and lonely thing. Yes, they stop crying eventually. But that is because they know it will do no good because nobody is coming in their time of distress. Can you go get him and snuggle him under your covers? That would do a couple of good things: warm him up, assure him of your care and love, and get all of you more sleep. It won't last forever. You may need to step up the discipline in other areas. He is old enough to obey you. You shouldn't be at your wit's end. He should obey your instructions. Consistency, calmness, peace, joy, patience should all be modeled by you and your husband. I know, easier said than done. Try to remember that he isn't doing what he is doing to push your buttons. It isn't about you at all. That always helps me to keep it in perspective.

Try taking away artificial colors, flavors and the preservatives BHT, BHA, and TBHQ and see if there are changes. We saw beautiful things come out of our removing them from our daughter's diet. You can also look up www.feingold.org for more info if this seems like him or if it helps.

H.

For the waking up early - we got my son a digital clock on someones suggestion and it has worked wonders. We made a big deal about getting the clock (let him pick it out - we got one for $4 at Target). We told him that he couldn't get up until the first number was 7. If he doesn't know what 7 (or 6) looks like - you can always put a picture above it and tell him the picture and the number have to match. At first he would still wake up as normal (at 5:30) and we would just walk him back to his room, show him the clock and tell him it wasn't 7 yet and not time to wake up. After about 4 days he figured it out and would stay in his room until 7. Now he actually sleeps until 7. It has been a lifesaver.

As for the behavior part - we are in the same boat. :(

Doncha love 3-year-olds? I've taught preschool for a few years and here's my perspective as a teacher.

1) You said he goes to school. Find out how he behaves at school. Also find out what the school does to address poor behavior-- whether or not he's doing it at school-- just so that you can address the behavior similarly, consistent with what he's seen at school. Consistency is A#1.

2) Kids are weird and go through phases, sometimes with little or no clear provocation, just growing pains. Know that "this too shall pass." Now as for getting through this phase till it passes...

3) As for you and your husband, try to get out once a week and get a sitter so that you can have some peace to be together. If your marriage is stressed and you're stressed, that's no good for your son either! He needs to witness parents with a healthy marriage. Do what it takes.

Now. Some interventions you can try:

1) Write a list of the bad behaviors and start with the ones you think will be easiest to conquer. Come up with a list for each bad behavior of things you can do to stop it. Make sure that you and your husband both consistently react the same way, all the time, to these problems. Like if an offense was throwing food and you decided that every time he threw food you'd give him a time out, make sure you and your husband both reacted that way and that you both did it every single time, no exceptions.

2) Picture stories are great. Kids love photos of themselves, so you can photograph him doing a correct behavior and write him his very own booklet complete with pictures of him doing things correctly and how it makes you happy.

Best of luck! You'll get through it!

First, you, as the adult, need to take control of the situation. Decide what behaviors should be addressed. Together, with your husband, begin with one and then go down the list with other items on your list. Start with smaller concerns first to set up pattern. I would strongly suggest ignoring "bad" behavior and praise "good" behavior. For example, say, I would like to see you put your toy (1) away. If he is acting out, in a calm voice say, "I like it when you..." and then when he complies, give hugs and verbal praise. Repetition and consistency are absolutely the key. You do not have to raise your voice, in fact, when you don't, they tend to listen more attentively. Hope this works for you.

I think Abbie's suggestion to get rid of the trike to the car routine and anything that let him be in control of the situation. My son (3-1/2yrs) is very into cars and rewards, so whenever he dawdles, I turn everything into a race: who can get to the car first, who can get up the stairs first, etc. My son wants to be independent and is so stubborn, which is common at this age. I also tell him when he whines that he must talk or ask me in his regular voice. Talking to him about his behavior and how a big boy would act helps, too. Good luck to you and your husband.

what time is he going down at night and how long is he napping? all those things would make a difference