Need Help Getting Husband and Sister-in-law to Understand Autistic Son.

I wish that I could make everything easier for you and make everyone in your life understand your son and his condition. However, I have learned that because we each are blessed with free agency that sometimes just doesn't happen. When I was married I had two step-children that I adored and still do even though I am no longer married to their dad. My own mother treated these beautiful children very unfair and unkind. She would dote on my own children and hand them the left-overs. There was a very heated arguement about this via emails, but it did no good. She chose not to accept them and there was nothing I could do to change her mind no matter how much I loved them. Sometimes because of others attitudes we have to either remove ourselves from the situation or deal with it the best we can. I recently read "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline. I found that using some of these love and logic techiques on stubborn people brings better results than trying to force people to change. I highly recommend it for dealing with your husband and other family members. I wish you luck with everything!

S.

I just had a friend who's little son was severely Autistic and they sent him to the Boystown program. He came back a little angel. Might be an idea!!

Hi D.,

It can be so hard to fully explain autism because not every person afflicted behaves the same way. My daughter, who's non-verbal and has autism is most likely VERY different than your son. It's also very hard to accept a diagnosis of autism for some parents, I know it was for a few years for my husband and I. It's hard to let go of the image and vision you had for this child, and instead contrentrate on the positive and your child's strengths. It also seems to still have some stigma attached, which is unfortunate.

With your son's aunt, keep calm and keep repeating yourself. You may never get through to her, but others in your family will notice and hopefully learn about autism.

My heart goes out to about the situation with your husband. I know there are some autism outings in our area, such as dining out events, sometimes group swims in public pools, challenge baseball or skating parties. (Try a websearch.) Perhaps seeing other families dealing with other chidren with autism might help him to see it's not the end of the world, your family is not alone, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

It sounds like your husband feels attacked. Perhaps you could try a different approach, and try to get him to understand that there are no "sides" in a family, it's a collaborative effort. A parent, espacially a parent of an autistic child, needs to be an advocate for their children.

Hi D.,

I don't have experience with Autism, however, I wanted to write! I try to provide "nay-sayers" with information when they are being close-minded. I went through it when I chose to breastfeed my daughter. So, leave articles laying out for them to read, email them weblinks to great articles to read. You can just say something like, "I thought you might find it interesting to learn about this - it's amazing what is known, it's amazing what is unknown"... And maybe check to see if there are support groups around you.

The attitude of both your husband and S-I-L sounds very mean and selfish. Maybe at some point you could point out that if either of them was going through something like this, you sure hope you would be helpful and supportive. If you have anyone out there who is supportive of you, brag on their good behavior. Sometimes, when nothing else works, a little shaming helps. :-) Hang in there, I am sure you are going through a lot and getting negative support or no suppoort only makes it worse. And, with your husband, it might be helpful to point out to him that sticking his head in the sand doesn't change anything and learning about it really helps you understand how to handle it. And that supporting you is part of being married.

I wish you the best of luck and keep being a great mom to your boys!

I am sorry to hear that your family is having difficulties realizing what autism is and how it effects all family members. It sounds like you really love your husband and family. Hang in there. Summer is usually a more challenging time for our autism angels as they miss their structure and sometimes act out. You will need the support of your husband and family but sometimes that takes some time and education. And, if they aren't willing participants, then you have to deal with that, too. So, what you need to do now is take care of your son and take care of you. I would suggest you get some professional help and try getting involved with a support group, too. My background is in Special Education, and I taught for many years, but I am a mom and grandmother first. Although, my children and grandchildren, have not been diagnosed with any special needs, we allllllll have special needs as well as special gifts. Please call a therapist today or Monday so tht you can deal with your challenges. If you need a good name, I have one for you.