Need Help Disciplining My Very Active 2Yr Old Son!!!

I guess that's why they call it the terrible twos LOL. I don't have any advice but I'm intersted what other people say. My son is 21 months and will be there soon.

Hi C.,
I am a SAHM to 3 children, 3, 5, and 13 years old. I have found that this is the age (from about 18 months to 4-5 years) that they really test their independance and boundaries. I have found that consistancy is the key. I would choose 2 behaviors that you want to change and constistantly work on those. Once they are mastered, move on to 2 more. While still disciplining for the previous 2 (you will find you need to discipline less and less for each set of 2 as you go on as long as it doesn't change and you stay consistant).
For example: if your little one insists on throwing a toy when angry, take the toy, say no throwing, and put in T.O. Once he is calm, praise him and give back the toy.
If you are consistant, even though he may do it 20 times a day at first, he will eventually stop.
HTH,
K.

Hi C.,

I agree with Kristin, but want to add that consistency with your discipline method is also key. Use the same method every time. My nearly 3 y.o. son got the idea before 2 1/2 that I wasn't messing around when I simply had to ask him, "Do you want a time out?" He knew I would follow through.

I also had to recognize something in myself: sometimes I was saying "No" just because it was the first thought that came to mind. I learned that allowing him to do something he wants when he wants (but I don't want) : ) isn't going to spoil him. For example, sometimes he would play his drum too loud and I'd tell him to be quiet because that's what I wanted. But then I realized it was playtime, there was no reason for him to be quiet and I'd adjust my thinking, not ask him to adjust his.

But for stuff that really matters, be consistent & gentle but firm with your discipline. Also make sure Daddy uses the same method. If he can predict the consequence for unacceptable behavior, he'll catch on quicker. Good luck with this and don't give it up!

D.

I had a similar problem with my 5 year old. I can not tell you how you should discipline, but you should read Raising YOur Spirited Child. The book did not fit my daughter exactly, but VERY close. I wish you luck.

Hi,

I'm ten years older than my brother who was also very smart and spirited. My 2 1/2 year old son is very much like his uncle. I know it is taboo to say so but sometimes, children's television shows are a godsend. If you find one he really likes, it can give you a good 20 minutes to talk to your husband uninterrupted. I'm not advocating sitting him in front of the television all day just a suggestion for a little down time occasionally.

Also, I've found that timeouts do work for my son but not all the time. It depends on what we are trying to teach him. When he mistreats someone, putting him in time out, insisting he stay there (even if I have to hold him in time out), and speaking to him about the behavior he needs to change usually helps but it may take a few time outs. Things like trying to get him to clean up or cooperate when it is time to get dressed or eat, time outs do not work for.

If he is busy all the time and constantly wants attention, try giving him something to do. It was what worked with my brother and it works with my son. If you are working in the kitchen, let him help. Give him something simple he can do. Even if it is holding a spoon until you are ready for it or helping carry food from the cupboard to the counter top. If you are cleaning up the living area of the house, make it a game. Make it into a race to see who can do what first. The key for us has been to include him in what we are doing. Alternatively, I've given my son little projects with his toys like building a block house or tower and told him to work on it and I'll be back in a minute to check on it. It directs his attention and keeps him busy and he still feels he has my attention even if I am getting something done in the kitchen or spending 2 minutes alone using the bathroom.

Most importantly, be consistent and follow through. If you tell him to stop an action or he will be given a timeout, follow through immediately with the timeout if he doesn't stop. If you tell him to stop a behavior while shopping or at the park or you will leave and he doesn't stop, then leave. I know this sometimes causes more hassles for mom or dad but it really works in the long run.

Also, talk to your husband about having a couple hours to yourself one night a week. You might also look into have a night out together every other week where you get a sitter. A little time to yourself can help you de-stress and a little time together can help build a better/stronger marriage and help you de-stress as a couple.

Good luck. I hope my experiences help.

i also have a very active, smart two year old who doesnt seem to listen either and is constantly testing him, i tried spanking, taking toys away(saw that on supernanny), i just dont know what to do. if you find anything out let me know.

Hi, I am not sure if this will pertain to your son, but I am reading a book called "Raising your sprirted Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurchinka. I'm not finished yet, but I wish I had it when my son was two! It is geared to children who are MORE perceptive, persistent, and more energetic. Which sometimes is perceived as bad behavior. I gives suggestions to avoid the unwanted behavior before it happens. Hope this works!!!

Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child? It's a sanity saver!

I also highly recommend the GD board at MDC. http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?s=8...

C.

I work with children with autism and many of them have disciplinary issues. Some advice I would give... you cannot treat a behavor unless you first know its function, is it escape or aviodance, attention seeking, etc. Once you know why your child is exhibiting a behavior then you can treat it. If he doesn't listen to a command you have given it could be that it is simpler to just not do it, or he may know from learned experiences that mommy isn't serious until she repeats herself 3 times. Once you tell your child to do something give him 3-5 seconds to respond and then if he does not, don't scold him or tell him no, or speak to him at all, simply go over to him and prompt him to do the task, gesture, or physically do the task hand-over hand with him if necessary. It is a lot of work and will be more work for you the first 2 weeks or so, but he will soon learn that you are going to follow through no matter what and begin to do things on his own the first time he is asked. If the behavior is attention seeking in nature, such as a tantrum the best way to treat it is to completely ignore the behavior, let him scream his head off, don't look at him, speak to him, etc, he will evenually quiet down and then once he does, then praise him for being good and quiet. He will eventually learn that he does not get attention (not even negative attention) from acting up. Again first few weeks or episodes of the behavior it will be harder for you than before (it is easier to give in) but in the long run he will learn that you won't give in and won't act up as often. Also I agree with the other moms in that consistancy is key you have to follow through every time. This is just my professional, clinical advice... I feel weird giving it to peers and other parents. You can use it or not, it is a method I have been trained to use and see work very well but not every parent agrees with it and I respect that.

J. S

My son is the exact same way and the best thing we have found is alone time. He hates to be alone so when he is bad we put him in his room for just a few minutes but with no attention at all. You don't let him out til he's calmed down and don't answer his call until the timeout is over. It seems to help my son alot and he comes out a lot calmer. He is hyperactive but can't have meds because of other medical conditions. He is 4 now and we started this quite a while ago. So give it a try but remember only 1 to 1/2 minutes per year of age.