Need Help Dealing with MY Mother

This probably goes without saying, but it sounds like she needs to be evaluated by a professional.
I say you are in charge of your own happiness. If you want to cut her off, cut her off. Next time she calls, tell her you will have no more contact with her which includes your children. If she shows up at your house or calls again, you will consider it harassment and file charges. You could make a stipulation to it if she agrees to seek counseling and the 2 of you get together with a mediator to decide how to move forward.
It sounds like she needs to do some growing up. My manic depressive biological father likes to blame everyone else for his flaws but himself. I finally decided that I would have no more contact with him and he didn't do even half of what your mother has done to you, but of course; my story is different. Many might say, why punish someone for being mentally ill? But sometimes you really have to distance yourself and let those people go for the sake of your own mental health.

C.,

I definitely feel for you and your family. I dont know how you and your husband discipline your children, but it sounds like she is not following your wishes. I know its hard to cut all ties with your mother, and if you cannot, you definitely need to establish boundaries. One idea would be to allow her to spend time with the chidren, supervised in a public place such as McDonalds. If there is a grandparents law, and she is pushing it, but she turns down your attempt for supervision, I think you have a good argument for her to never be allowed alone with the kids again. If you decide to proceed with your relationship, sit down, write out rules that she must follow. No diagnosing, no discipline without your permission first, and no calling you at work (and definitely not your husband). Include things that are completely reasonable. Sit down with her and tell her these are the rules, and they are not negotiable. If she chooses to be a part of you and your childrens lives, then she will follow the boundaries you set. They can be altered with both of your agreement. But, if she cannot agree to the guidelines you set for your kids, then she chooses not to be a part of your lives any longer. Good luck to you and your family.

I would cut off all contact if that's what you feel you have to do for the emotional well being of yourself & your children. As for the grandparents law...the only one I'm aware of gives visitation to grandparents in the case of divorce. Like they get visitation rights just like the father would or something like that. I did a quick google on oklahoma grandparents laws and that's all that came up. That still has to be ok'd by the parents and go through the court system. I know I'm not a whole heck of a lot of help, but that's what I found from just a quick search. Ha.

Get a lawyer, and try to get proof of the way she treats you, record phone calls, save emails, write down things that happen with her when they happen, have other people witness this. She, like anyone else, has no rights to children that she causes harm to. Get her out of your life and get counseling for you and your kids, at least enough so that you are sure the kids understand that she is not their problem and it is not their fault that she acts the way she does, kids are very good at taking everything on their shoulders. I wish you the best of luck, and local churches in your area should be able to help you find counseling if you can't do it on your own.

Geez, it sounds like you mother is the one that needs to be medicated. Anyhow, with those kind of threats I think that I'd talk to an attorney just to get a good idea of what rights you have against her and what rights she actually has. I definitely think that it is in the best interest of you and your family to stay away from her. When it comes to your children there's just not much else you can do. They do not need to be subjected to her behavior and psychological issues any more than you do. I would have real issues with my children ever being alone with her after her dicsipline techniques. I'm not much help, mostly just blabbing b/c I'm quite frankly astonished that a woman would act that way towards her daugther and grandchildren. I think you should learn your rights so that you have the power in this situation. Talk to a lawyer or the police dept. or something. Good luck and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such a mess. Please keep us all posted on what happens with her. Happy Holidays.