Need Help Dealing

I havent been through that but if you need someone to talk to please feel free to call me ###-###-####..
R.

E.- I am so sorry you are hurting. I can only imagine the pain. Keep loving your little girl like crazy. She needs you! ~~W.

Hello,
I had a somewhat similar situation... my ex didn't seem to want the family life suddenly or to settle down after we had been together for 3 years and had two kids... i did what i could to make things work but honestly if he doesnt want to be there, then there is nothing you can do to make him want to... and let me be the first to tell you as much as i thought it was going to hurt walking away, it is so much easier than you think when you aren't stressed out and trying to take care of a 2 1/2 year old by yourself.. i'm alot better off now that i only depend on me and not us (him and me). if it seems like you are taking care of her all by yourself now then loose ANY excess stress you have in your life and things will be much easier...

Dear E.,
I know how bad things must seem right now for you. All you feel like is crying, and understandably so....you just got your heart broke. Everyday that your husband comes home from work, he is expecting you to be upset and to beg him to stay. He is expecting you to look shabby and to feel broken, just the way he left you. Want to really get him back for making you feel so terrible? LOOK GOOD! Do yourself up... take a shower, put on clean clothes and purfume, do your make up and hair! If there is nothing you can say to change his mind about working on your marriage, let it be.... dont nag him about it, dont beg him to stay. The best revenge you have right now is to look your best when he says good bye. As hard as it may seem right now to pull yourself together, find it inside yourself and do it! When you look good, you feel good! Dont give the jerk the satisfaction of seeing you like a train wreck for one more day. He wants to leave, the least you can do for yourself is to make sure you look damn good when he goes! YOUR BEAUTIFUL, dont let him forget it!
C. M.

Hi E.,
I TOTALLY agree with Jessica.

What else I have to say is you NEED to not be overly nice when it comes to the divorce. It's VERY important that you ask for the things you need. If you aren't working, make SURE you ask for Alimony and child support. Be sure to get half of any retirement, 401K and savings accounts. I will tell you this...being nice is not going to work because when he suddenly remarries and they are enjoying the finer things in life and you are just barely making ends meet and when your daughter goes over to visit...and they have a BIG BEAUTIFUL house...you'll kick yourself if you didn't fight for your fair share for you and your daughter. Give him the divorce but make it VERY clear to him that you have you and your daughter's BEST interest in mind and will see to it that you get half of your assets. Some women are weak and just let the man run the show and are just happy to accept whatever they give them...nope. Not acceptable. Also, you need to look in the house for his last paychecks and tax records.It's VERY important you have a copy of these so you can show it for child support. Please remember that child care is also something that both parents share but I'm not sure on what percentages because they just changed everything. With that in mind, be sure to have your daughter MORE than half of the time so that you won't end up paying HIM child support.

Any other help, let me know.

About me...divorced 8 years now and remarried 7 years ago.Mom to 4 beautiful children ages 10-16.(same dad)

J. N

Hi E.,

I can say that I've been there and done that. My son was about 2 and we had only been married 2 years....together for 4. We owned a house together and everything seemed to unravel with a blink of an eye.
I ended up having to put my house up for sale, file for bankruptcy and live in my parents basement for a year with my son till I could get back on my feet.

My best advice is to focus on your child. Be glad that this is happening when your daughter is still young. She'll be more understanding about the situation as she gets older. It sounds like your husband mind has been made up. (despite how much it hurts inside) Best you can do is hold your head up high and move on. Prove to him that you are a strong woman and will come out ontop once everything is said and done. You'll find that your bond with your daughter will even get strong.

-S.

Hi E.,
I just wanted to offer my support to you. I have been where you are right now. While I was not married to my daughters birth father we were engaged to be married. We were suprised with the results that I was expecting our daughter. At about my fourth month of pregnancy my ex decided that he couldn't handle things and he left me. When he left I had all type of emotions going through me. Just about every emotion that you are feeling right now I felt when I was in your situation. what I am trying to say to you is that I want to offer you the one thing I did not have at the time. I did go to a therapist and my family was a great as they could be but I needed to have at least one person in my life who had been through what I was going through to be my main support person. I would like to offer to be that support person for you as I have been in your situation. You will get a lot of people telljgn you to be strong and that everything will be okay in the end(these were all things that were told to me), and they are right but I know that for me it was hard at first. with that said I will leave things open for you and please feel free to email me at: ____@____.com

Hi, my name is A.. I know divorce can be hard. I personally haven't gone through one but, I have some friends who have gone through it so, I thought I would give some advice I gave to them that seemed to help. Has your husband said why he wants a divorce?

I know right now it seems like there is no way you are gonna get over this but, I guarantee you will. Granted, It will take some time but,there is light at the end of the tunnel. People do things and sometimes we dont know why. With divorce it is especially hard bc sometimes you dont see it coming...like you. Then when you say you want to work things out, your spouse says no and you wonder why. Its not your fault. Things happen that are out of your control. Sometimes they are good things like winning the lottery and other times they're not, like getting a divorce.

Sometimes things dont go as we planned no matter how much effort and time we put into it. SOme things no matter how much we want them to work out are not meant to be. Maybe your husband needs some time to think, maybe he is confused too, I dont know. Divorce is hard. When people get married they think it will last forever but unfortunatley for some people it doesnt. Its hard to say why. You will be happy agian. It may take some time but you will wake up in the morning and be okay with what has happened and how your life turned out. Well, I hope I have helped a little.

E. -
I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I know it is so hard to try to take care of your child when you are not stable. Do you have any family members or close friends that you can count on for support? Make sure that if you are ever feeling so bad that you cannot care for your daughter, you should call someone to come watch her while you take a break. I think that you and your husband should go see a counselor. If he won't listen to you, maybe you could try talking to someone that is close to him that could get through to him. You should try to protect your daughter from hearing you guys fight and from you crying. She is probably confused, so you need to talk to her about what is happening, but whatever you do, don't say negative things about her dad - it will just make her more confused. Talk to a counselor though, even if it is by yourself, because it is always helpful to have a listening ear. I hope that things go well for you and let me know if I can be of any help to you!!
M.

Hi,
I have been a single mother, 2 times over. I understand how heart damaging, and tramatic this situation is. Its time for you to stay strong, for your daughters sake. She needs extra love and attention right now, she needs to feel secure and safe. I would seek counseling, and you have every right to cry, but try to do it when your daughter is not around. After the kids went to bed, many night I had a huge cry feast :)
Every day will get easier, and the pain will lessen :)