Need Help - Rio Linda,CA

Whatever the issues are between you and your ex, you always need to put your child first. Remember - you brought him into this workd - he didn't choose to be here, or to be put in the position that his parents are now in. So, make every decision with "what's in the best interest of the child?" That's the standard that a court will use in determining custody and visitation. It sounds like it's a good thing that you are in court now. That will force issues to be decided officially - i.e. cusotdy and visitation, instead of just relying on each other to "do the right thing". You will have to go to family mediation, which is also a good thing - it will give the 2 of you a chance to deal with things in a less emotional way. Also, the court will appoint someone to act on your childs' behalf so that his interests are protected.
It's true that if you take your con out of the county right now, the court will not look favorably on it. If you need a restraining order, so be it, but unless your son is in danger, you shouldn't take him anywhere. Let the court system help get things worked out.
Good luck. Please don't do anything rash - for the sake of your son.

First, I have to tell you that I am so sorry you are going through this. I personally have never gone through it, but my parents had to deal with custody issues with my sister and my best friend deals with it with her stepson. Please don't try to keep your son away from his father. Unless his father is harming him in some way, he really needs his father in his life. As an ex, I can see you wanting to be away from him, but that is not fair at all to the child. As a previous person said, you will probably continue 50/50 custody and I would agree with a decision to have it be your responsibility to transport the child to see his dad (if you move away). Remember that the child will be in school and it's going to be VERY hard on him if you move far away from Dad. Please think about what you are putting your child through before moving away from dad!

I hope this didn't come across as harsh, I just think that your son needs to be put first.

I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this...it seems like we all do at one point!! It's hard to deal with these kind of exes...believe me...just got done dealing with it, and I know a lot of my friends are too. It's like they pop up to wreak havoc in our lives every other year or so!! ANyways, sorry to vent for a moment....there is NO WAY that he would be able to get full custody of your son...I've had to have a lot of people tell me that before I actually believed it. If anything....they might split custody 50/50.....kind of like what you have going on now. If you go to court, you will go to mediation first....and try to work out between the 2 of you how to handle it withough having a judge decide...wich is nice! But, if you're trying to move out of the area with your son...they might just make the transportation to his visits with his father your responsibilty, because it's your choice to move. What you need to do is keep some sort of log book of all of the things your ex does and says to you...especially if it's negative in front of your son.
And if you don't feel safe around him...take someone with you, or have someone else pick up your child. You can always request this in mediation to where you won't even have to see him. I hope this helps, and if you need anything or want to vent...you can send me a message. Good luck!! :)

I'm sorry that you are going though this. I went through this myself with my now 8yr old when he was 4. First of all, unless you are doing something harmful to your child you will NOT loose custody. It's actually really hard to loose custody. You will most likely have to continue sharing custody 50/50. If you are moving out of the area 50/50 could still work but please keep in mind that if you choose to move to another state THAT is when the judge may give custody to the parent not moving. (That happened to an ex boyfriend of mine... the mom was moving and they were going to give him full custody since it was her choice to move so far away.. she ended up not moving so that she didn't loose her son)
In the mean time... LOG EVERYTHING!!! It is only to your benefit... things he says or does need to be written down asap so that you don't forget exactly how it happened. Have him take your son to the next couple of appointments (if you don't think that he will take him) so that you can prove he can't be responsible... you can even have the office print something for you showing there was a no-show for your appointment. You basically need as much on your side as possible. Good Luck!!

Document everything no matter how insignificant you think it is. I recommend getting a journal type book and keeping it with you at all times. Or keep one at home and one in your car and/or at work. Keep a log of every phone call, every conversation. You will basically be keeping a diary. It sounds like alot of work but once you start doing it..it becomes a habit. You will have proof that your tried to keep a connection. You need to realize that even though you moved the court may force you to meet the father halfway for visitation. This move may be harder on your son than the week on week off. He will most likely be seeing his son less and for awhile until your son gets older it may seem like you are having him go with a stranger. Do everything you can to keep them in contact with each other even if its just through phone calls. If he gets abrasive or veers away from the topic of your son, you "politely" say lets keep the topic on our son and move on..if he wont then tell him you will call back at another time and hang up..."gently"...lol As much as it kills you and no matter how bad he gets....you ALWAYS ALWAYS have to keep a level head and no confrontations in front of your son. If he sees you fighting with dad he will freak out if you send him away with him...His 3 yr old mind is saying mommy doesnt like him but is making me go with him....

Anyways I could go on forever..but hope some of this helps. Some of ti may hurt..but it can still help too...good luck