Need Bedtime Advice!

Updated on August 13, 2008
C.H. asks from Sublette, KS
8 answers

I cannot get my boys to go to bed at night. They have been pretty good until recently (about the last week) and now every night after I put them to bed it's a constant fight for 2 hours. We have a normal bedtime routine but as soon as I put them in bed they think it's playtime. It's mostly my 20 month old who makes tons of noise and gets my 3 year old wired too. I've tried putting my 20 month old to bed earlier... but he just stays awake until my 3 year old comes in. I've tried taking away their blankies and I've tried talking it out, spanking and pretty much everything (we've gone through this before with our oldest.) Separating them is pretty much not an option right now, we're renting and don't have much room to spare. Is this something they will outgrow... or should I leave it alone and let them play??? I am at my wits end and I dread looking forward to every bedtime. Thanks in advance!

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So What Happened?

We started a few different things including staggering bedtimes but mostly I just decided to sit by the door and make sure they stay quiet until they go to sleep. Some nights if they go to bed early or took long naps we just let them play awhile, it has already let up a lot. What a relief!

More Answers

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

You said you've gone through this with your oldest, so you know it's a normal phase. The difference is that your younger son is getting his brother worked up too. I just watched a nanny 911 where she took all the toys out at bedtime (in a big plastic bin) - that might help. Or you can sit in the dark room until they fall asleep, to help them be quiet. Or you can let them play as long as they stay in their own beds. At any rate, they will grow out of it again. In the mean time stay calm and don't give them any sense that they are controlling you!

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D.B.

answers from Salt Lake City on

as frustrating as this sounds for you... it really sounds kind of cute & funny to an outsider.

you might consider just letting them play & work it out of their systems... however, you might have a couple of cranky monsters in the a.m. when it's time to get the day started.

you might also enjoy taking this new found playtime of theirs as a terrific opportunity for you & your hubby to go out on the porch or somewhere else in the house & laugh at them while you listen to the baby monitor or just have your own time to yourselves for a moment.

i can't help but think the boys will grow out of it... but it's hard to know if it will just get too out of hand as they get older. are they just being silly & goofing around or are they being wild & jumping about getting toys out & such? that might mean all the difference. you have to know you're lovingly in-charge... just as much as they need to know that.

i would let them have some evening playtime to themselves... with reasonable guidlines. we truly have to choose our battles, right? :D

good luck! your boys sound so fun!

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C.B.

answers from Denver on

I had the same problem with my son, he was about 2 i think. we would put him to bed and he would play for an hour or so. i also dreaded bed time. One day i decided to cut out his nap, that night he went to bed and fell asleep almost as quickly as his head hit the pillow. So we decided, as hard as it was to cut out his naps, i liked the break during the day, that he needed to stop taking naps. He does much better now. We read a book to him and in ten minutes of leaving the room he is usually out. I would concider taking out the nap during the day if either one of them nap. If its just the younger one who naps, eliminate his nap and it may solve your problem. Good luck!

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Get black out shades to make sure the room is dark, make sure you wear your 20 mos old out during the day and put him down at good 45 minutes before his brother. Put in a fan, music box or whatever to make it easier for him to fall asleep.
If he is still awake when it is time for your older boy to go to bed, lay your older boy down in your room until they are both asleep and then move the older boy to his own bed, NOT necessarily letting him sleep with you but seperating them until everyone is asleep.
I went through this with my kids, I have a four year old and a seven year old and have to stagger bedtimes them especially during summer when it is light out later. Thankfully my son falls asleep fast and he is asleep by the time my daughter goes to bed 45 minutes later, it has saved my sanity!!

Thankfully now it is August it is getting dark around 8:00 but it is hard for them.
It helps with two to do a chart and see who can go to bed the best, kind of like a competition. Do stickers for each night whomever goes to bed the best (many times they both can get the stickers) and then at the end of the week take them for a special surprise.
I feel your pain, believe me! :)

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J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I have 2 kids that have been in the same room since they were 18 months & almost 4 yrs. I also had this problem at times. What usually works for me is to put them to bed and leave. If they are talking quietly, I just let it run its course. If they get loud or get out of bed, I go in and take a stuffed animal, a blanket, or something they care about and leave. Usually, that quiets them down. If they continue to misbehave, I go in and tell them that since they can't let each other go to sleep, we'll have to separate them & take one to another room. Set up a bed on the floor in the living room or in your bedroom, or even in a big closet somewhere - anywhere and show them where they will be sleeping. My kids hate the idea of actually being separated. I have only had to follow through once & take one of them out. They get much easier for quite some time before they try again. Also - I just picked up Love & Logic: Birth to 6 Years. It's an easy & very quick read and has some GREAT ideas that you could adapt to this situation. I've been trying their techniques for the past 3 days with my 2 kids and I have already seen a HUGE difference. The key is to never show any anger or frustration (to them) and just remain sympathetic as you carry out the consequence - "I know - it's so sad that your stuffed animal has to go away" (in a sincere voice). Half the reason our kids act up is to see us go crazy - gives them a sense of controlling their world. That's my 2 cents. Good luck!

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K.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I would keep them active during the day, and send them to bed. I also wouldn't let them sleep in past the time you feel they should be up. Other than that, I wouldn't worry too much

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

I think, if I were in your posistion, with the boys so close, I'd change the bedtimes and let them have a half an hour of playtime. Set a timer and tell them that when it goes off, it is quiet time and time to sleep. That worked for both my boys who shared a tiny room until the youngest was three. Good luck!!!

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S.B.

answers from Denver on

Bummer. I know what you mean and am lucky to have seperate rooms to force them in...but alas you could try the Love and logic method. Make it "bedroom time" Put them in their rooms sooner. and tell them they can do whatever (take oumost of the toys and stuff)...just don't be tired in the morning. Then you will turn the light out in 30 minutes (I had to unscrew the bulb in the end each night.) then the next day, wake them at 6 am with obnoxious noices and make the day very busy. Ionly le them sleep two hours tops at normal nap time. and they can't go to bed early. then hopefully they will tot off to the their rooms to play for thirty minutes and pass out. there is more to it and they are pretty young...so you might get the boo on L. and L. the Early Years and take the class.

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