I had a new babysitter come to my home to care for my children last week. It did not go well and need some advice. The first day was okay. The second day she did not arrive on-time and did not call me. At the point I was late, I had to call off from my work, call a friend to help me go to work late and pack up three kids on a cold morning. She arrived just as I was loading the last triplet into the car. She did not think to call because her sister in laws dog was not feeling well. The next day, she had arranged to bring another 2-year old with her to my home and her husband would take another 9 year old to school. They all showed up late and I had to wake up my husband. He is not a "morning person". I went to work and got a call shortly into my shift from the sitter to let me know that she left our home. The sitter left my home with the 2 and 9-year olds unannounced, leaving my three toddlers in a room without any supervision. Her reason was that my husband got up and told the 2 year old to stop banging a toy loudly and the child got upset. My husband was trying to sleep. I had to call on two other friends, one to go to my home and the other to watch her kids. I was not able to leave work at this time. She eventually goes back to my home, leaves again at noon and returns at 430 pm. She has proven to be very unreliable. My husband had to stay home for the day to cover her absence. My biggest issue is that she left my toddlers alone and left unannounced. I thank God that they were found safe and sound but the sitter does not see a problem. She feels that there was another adult in the home. My husband does not normally get up when he hears noise and was unaware that our children were unattended. My issue is that my children were left unattended and she kept coming and going through out the day. Her issue is that all of this is my fault for not letting my husband know about the other child. She left before I could pay her for her "services" and expected me to take my kids to her home for future sitting. I always pay my sitter when I arrive home. My husband had to take off for the day which cost us more than her three days and I had to arrive at work late and leave my station to referee on the phone the third day. I am asking for feedback from other moms. I feel guilty that I have to work and leave my children. I did the math and it cost us what we would have paid her for the three days for my husband to stay home for the day. I have no recourse because the sitter is not licensed. She is now upset with me for declining to work with other families. My questions are: I am rightfully upset about all the drama and do not want to discuss the isssues with the sitter any further, is that unreasonable? How do I compensate for our loss of work? should I pay her for out ordeal? I just want some feedback from other moms. Thanks.
I sent the lady a check for the two days she worked. Along with the check, I sent a letter explaining that I was not paying for the day she left my children unattended and to consider herself paid in full. I checked with County licensing, Metro Police and Child Protective Service; they are said there was nothing they could do to prevent her from doing the same thing to another family. My children are now in a licensed day care center. There is accountability with licensing. Without a license unless the child care provider commits a grave offense, there is no accountability. Licenses are not issued for persons that come to your home. Thank God my children are safe and thanks for the responses.
Pay her and move-on, its not worth the headache to continue agonizing over this. You may want to try a licensed service, as their people are more thoroughly screened. Good luck!
I was shocked to read your story! I feel so bad for you. What I want you to think about is what would you have done if your kids were in a daycare center and they were left alone? I would have pulled my kids, filed a neglect case with the police, and tried to get their license revoked! This is the same thing. That person should be thankful you have not filed a neglect case against her! She was hired to watch your kids, and she failed to do that. That is not only unproffesional, but boardering on illegal! If she is from some agency, report her immediately! I hope and pray you find a replacement soon who will love your kids and care for them in the way they deserve. I know of a company who has babysitters, if you need a referal to a service, let me know.
You absolutely have a right to be upset about the drama. OMG!!! I would just pay her for the two days & let her know in writing that what she did was unacceptable and that your relationship is terminated. Who cares that she is upset? If she continues to contact you just tell her plainly to never contact you again.
As far as the loss of work, that is just something you need to deal with. There is nothing that she can do to compensate you.
Depending on where you live you might want to consider advertising on a college job board. I had a lot of success with Vanguard University in Costa Mesa for help with my twins.
Good luck.
First off the babysitter should never have left the children by themselves without an adult activley watching them. Toddlers are known to get into all kinds of trouble on their own, and something serious could have happened. Did the babysitter arrange with you ahead of time to have other children in your home while she was babysitting? If she did not you are not abliged to have them there. When you have someone babysit in your home you have to stipulate all of the arrangements up front, and if you feel it neccessary you can put it in writing.
As for paying her. You have to pay her for the work rendered. Notice I said the work rendered. You can dock her for any time that she was not with the children, because whe was not working for you during that time. She chose to do personal things on your time. And if she left her child for you to watch you can charge her for watching that child, because you were not abligated to watch her child nor find someone to watch her child for her. That is her responsibility as a parent.
Hi E.,
I just wonder what that person's problem is! Absolutely you have every right to be upset for all the drama. There is a reason the sitter was hired and if your husband has to sleep during the day, that is your business. Her place is to be there and be responsible for those babies no matter who is there awake or asleep.
As far as paying her, it is questionable. You might put her off for a while and see what she does. It may be worth it to just pay her and get rid of her. Pay her by check so there is no further question as to whether you owe her money or not.
Next time, try to write out some instructions for the sitter and ask that she sign them. Perhaps that will help things sink in. I don't know, some people just aren't right.
Babysitters is such a hard touchy issue. As upsetting as it is, I would make sure to pay her for the two days she did work, but the third day she was severly negligent in her services & I wouldn't pay her. If you want to avoid a conflict write her a letter explaining everything & give her a check for the two days (to track payment). As far as the licensing issue, in CA she can legally watch one family's children without a license.
Honestly though, if you're getting paid to watch toddlers, how do you outright leave them??? At 14 months too, I'm sure they're walking around getting into everything & need to be constantly watched!
I really hope you don't have to have her watch your toddlers again & can find someone who offers a quality service. Don't feel bad about her not being able to watch other families, in my opinion, you did those families a favor.
hi Mega mommy,
My hat is off to you for raising triplets... Wow.
I have five kids and have a bunch of experience with the whole issue.
First off it takes a while for a sitter to get grooved in and able to wear your " hat" .
i would have hired her a few hours a few times before leaving her with the kids, and in this time I would have really clued her in to what was needed and wanted, I would also have given my husband the job of Stand by... nights or not. :) He should have been the one to have handled all of the re arranging.
We all assume that people who call them selves sitters really know what to do... they rarely do. Each home come with its own ideals. teach yours before you leave. ( but leaving is a giant NO NO!)
She sounds like a total ding bat, and should not get paid for crap work... pay her for the actual hours she was present and doing the job, any communication you have with her should only go on on writing, ask her to write you a note and respond in writing... then later if anything becomes an issue, you can prove what was done. and yoe pay by ck.
I admire ou for working, it wont be easy ever... but with a happy, bright and hones caretaker, it can be done. Go and find a happy, decent person.
The first sitter I used I found by going to the local playground. I checked out mothers and how they handled their own kids, then approached one tat I admired and bingo I had a great sitter, who was happy to create some extra income.
after that I opted for live in aupairs, which has been a great solution over and over again for us. The cost less and are more available, also when you are home and you want to o something other than watch the kids, and they are really great for spur of the moment couple activity.. which it also sounds like you guys could use with the schedules you each have.
Turn the garage into a guest room, and get a live in.
love H.
Just pay her and move on to a more suitable arrangement. Your kids are priceless. Please do some more groundwork and reference checking before leaving anyone in charge of your children in the future. It sounds like you were lucky nothing horrible happened during this ordeal.
Hi E.,
You are right to feel angry, betrayed and extremely concerned. No doubt. When it comes to your children, you never, ever ignore the red flags. When the baby-sitter showed a lack of professionalism by not calling because a dog was sick, showing up late, etc...that should have been enough evidence that she wasn't taking her job nor your children seriously.
Once you have expressed your disappointment with her behavior and explained that you hired her for a job that she obviously cannot commit you fire her and you should pay her for only the time she was physically in your home alone with your children. In the real world, when someone is fired, they still receive payment for work completed. Chalk it up as an experience that you have learned from and will never forget. Unfortunately, you and your husband have lost time from work, but at least your children are safe and this woman is out of your life.
Oh, I'd also be totally against a sitter bringing another child(ren) around my 14 month old toddlers. You don't know what environment that child is coming from and they may present a danger.
E., I hired a young girl from a spanish speaking country 10 years ago (she wasn't licensed) and fired her because she didn't answer the phone all day long and I found out she had taken my baby somewhere!!!! You are not alone in this experience, but remember that when it comes to your children you want the best and that means hiring a licensed sitter/daycare provider.
Listen to your instincts, acknowledge the red flags and put your babies first.
You have every right to be upset, fustrated, and you do not need to bring up the issues again if you have already spoken to her about it. Your issues should not be coming out of left field for her. Yes, it is a tough lesson learned and you will just have to take this whole experience as a loss. NO...you should not pay her because she did not fullfill the expected duties and terms that were required for her as hired help. If this were a "regular job" she would have been fired a LONG TIME AGO! You should have called the cops on her when she left your kids alone. I would have.
