Need Advice Regarding Teenage Sex

Well......good for him......It is very good that he talked to you about it.
It is so good that you have such an open relationship with your son.
You do have to make it clear to him though that oral sex is still sex though.
I suggest you have a long talk with him, and maybe look it up online as well and show him that what he had done to him is actually sex.
Keep talking to him about safe sex, and well, at least he hasn't gone all the way, right?
Good luck!!!

I think it's wonderful that you and your son are so close. You don't hear of that often enough. I really don't know how you can convince him on what is considered sex, but keeping that line of communication open is probably the best thing you can do. Good luck.

K.,

Wow, it's great that you and your son can communicate about sex at this age! Use your close relationship to your advantage. Kids' are so internet savvy these days surely there is something that will prove it to him and he would trust. I suggest doing a little research before you talk him into checking it out and know what you're going to review. Sometimes kids' just need to see it in a forum they're familiar with to believe what we "smart" parents already know.

I hope and pray when my children reach your sons age that they will be willing to talk to me about important things. You're doing a great job of raising your son!

Oral sex is a type of sex- not sexual intercourse, but sexually transmitted diseases can still be transmitted this way. As long as he understands all that, I'd say you're in better shape than most parents. I wouldn't beat him down about the 'oral sex is sex' bit because technically (especially from the female perspective) they are not the same. Maybe try 'sex is a type of sex.' I'd say that's probably more accurate.

Sounds like you've fostered a great relationship with him. Kudoos to you!

There probably isn't much more you can do/say than that. I think when teens take this view of 'oral sex isn't sex' it's because we stress the importance of maintaining their virginity, so they use this as an alternative to be close.

Hang in there. You're doing a great job!

It's awesome you are so open with your son. But I can see his 'reasoning'. Oral sex can be confused with Intercourse. This may be the lines that are being misread.

Both have the potential outcome for a disease transference, however, your son may be viewing the fact that even with just oral sex... He and his partner are maintaining their 'virginity'. Both are indeed different, but still should not be taken lightly as emotions are so attached. I would make sure your son is clear or at least his partner. If he is open with you as you say, then he may understand why you would want to be sure he did not pick anything up (from her) as some things can be there without symptoms and can be transferred even from birth. Just a safe-guarding.

Good Luck and continue to be open! ;)

Perhaps try a new approach... Rather than trying to convince him that oral sex IS indeed sex (like our generation thinks), try to simply educate him on the risks involved with oral sex. If he thinks you're trying to correct his thinking, he may not be as open to hearing what you have to say. But if he realizes that you respect his line of thinking (and it sounds like you have a very open relationship which I think is great), he may be more open to hearing what you have to say about the risks. While he may still be able to call himself a virgin in his own mind (and it sounds like the mind of his peers), just let him know of all the dangers (diseases, etc) that can be passed through oral sex... Good luck!

First, as others have said, kudos to you for the fact that you have such an open relationship with your son.

Second, I'd be curious to know why you're so concerned about getting him to believe that oral sex is sex? It doesn't sound like he's using this distinction as a way to break a "no sex" rule. You sound like you're resigned to the fact that one day he WILL "go all the way." So is it really important that he agree with your definition of sex, or is it more important to you that he just know the dangers associated with oral sex? If it's the latter, then I'd concentrate on discussing the dangers rather than arguing over the definition. You could point out how certain STDs can be contracted through oral sex. Let's say his girlfriend caught something from giving another guy oral sex, had a sore in or around her mouth, the gave it to him (for example).

I'm 33, and as a teenager, I didn't think of oral sex as being sex. I haven't thought much of it since, but I still don't really think of it as sex. I know a lot has been made of the Bill (Clinton) & Monica scandal and him arguing semantics. In a case like that, I say, no way - you know what they're getting at. Oral sex is still "sexual contact" or "sexual relations" but perhaps isn't considered "intercourse" by many people. I consider the first time I lost my virginity to be the first time there was vaginal penetration, not the first time I had oral sex. So for those people who are adamant that "oral sex is sex", I'm just curious, would you then say someone is no longer a virgin after they've had oral sex?

Good luck to you. I'd focus more on the dangers than the definition.