Need Advice on Potty Training My 3 Year Old

I've given this advice before, so sorry if I'm getting repetitive...

The best thing that we did with our three year old (who we switched into underwear - she didn't seem quite as ready as yours) was finally just say "look, you know when you have to go b/c your body tells you. I'm not going to ask you any more, and we're not going to talk about it. When you have to go, you go" Two more days of poop accidents, and then she was going on the potty! It was really a control issue on our end. We gave her tons of praise when she went on the potty, and pretty much just cleaned her up without a word when she had an accident. The hardest part was retraining ourselves not to say anything.

I would definitely NOT put her back in diapers. So you throw out some underwear - you want her potty trained.

I don't normally give candy in our house. We try to have and use more natural things. Food dies and such are no no's do to my son having ADHD. So when it came time to potty training my daughter I went cold turkey. She did great as your did in the beginning. But then poops started to be more of an issue. I started using the playground as incentive. "We'll go to the playground as soon as you poop on the potty!" Worked for a few days but thne rain became a big issue. I took the way of Jon & Kate Plus 8. If we weren't using the playground she got a few M&M's. Now we don't even use anything because she has done so well. But she will even tell you go poop on potty and get M&M's. It's really cute! She doesn't get disappointed when she doesn't get them...she just kind of wants to get on with what she was doing first and forgets about them. She even goes without me knowing anymore until we realize she didn't wipe good enough!

We are just getting through this ourselves with our almost 4-year-old girl. I've heard and read it is VERY common (in fact her twin brother went through it as well on a smaller scale when he potty trained about 9 months ago). My daughter will basically hold herself for up to a number of days (I think the longest was almost 4?) and then finally let it out and it's painful for her which starts a vicious cycle. She ruined many a pair of underwear (which I eventually did throw out - I got sick of washing them). I was getting very frustrated and like another poster said, it became very much a control issue. I'd know she'd need to go and would approach her on it, encourage her, etc. and she'd just get very frustrated and deny, deny, deny she even needed to go. It would turn into a power struggle. Then when she'd have the accident, I'd be upset and that would upset her, etc.

Finally, I just completely stopped talking about it and returned to reward mode (I used to give them an M&M for every successful poop on the potty when they first started training along with a sticker chart - I just went back to the M&M this time). If she had an accident, I'd not say a word and would just change her and not make any deal out of it (VERY hard to do but so effective). Carried an extra change of clothes with us in the car. And when she did go (completely on her own, it turns out - without needing any direction or encouragement from me), I'd praise her and hand out the M&M and we'd move on. I hate to jinx myself but she's been accident free now for a few weeks. I truly believe it had become a total control issue. Now that it's entirely in her hands and I have no negative reaction to it, she's sort of taken it and run with it.

I wouldn't move backwards to Pull-ups or diapers either - my husband also wanted to do that but I feel like it would have been giving her permission to use her pants to go both pee and poops in and that would be detrimental - she's been pee-accident-free since December. I'd have hated to lose that progress! (Also, she had been fine with her poops on the potty as well since Decmeber till around March or April or so, which is what was extremely frustrating to me. I knew she had the ABILITY to do it! Then we had a big regression, I think due to a constipation episode and that's when it all went haywire!)

So you are definitely not alone - and I know how frustrating it can be. Hang in there; I hope you can find something that works for you and your daughter!

S.,

My oldest did the exact same thing. And it took him a long time to finally go poop on the potty. I cleaned at least one dirty pair of underwear a day...very frustrating (and disgusting!). He finally started pooping on the potty, although at night I felt like he was waiting for me to put on his pull up before he would go, then ask for a new pull up to go to sleep. I finally ixnayed that one by not putting on his pull up until he went poo in the potty...which eventually worked. He is still not potty trained at night (which I am not concerned about at all...as long as it's not poo.)

I would highly recommend that you do not go back to diapers! I think you will make your own life more challenging than it already is. Just do like I did and always bring a clean pair of underwear and pants on day trips. And try and do positive reinforcement when she does do it.

This too shall pass...it did for us!!! Good luck!

H.. (SAHM to 4 1/2, 3 1/2 and 11 1/2 month old boys)

Not to fear. Every child goes through potty training in their own style and everyone has their own setbacks and roadblocks. We found that a very small "treat" for poops in the potty seemed to work. They've ranged from a jelly bean to a small candy heart to an inexpensive barrette, etc. We're not big on candy usually so this was an extra special treat. Good luck and hang in there!

My son had terrible bowel issues, so much so that I finally consulted someone at Children's Hospital. Her advice was simple and a life-saver: put your child on the toilet EVERY NIGHT about 10 minutes after he or she eats dinner. Be consistent and I bet you will see positive results -- I did!