Need Advice on Potty Training for 3.5 Year Old Boy

Once school is out I would do just like you said. Just tell him he is done with diapers. The first day I put my son in Big Boy pants, we had 13 accidents, and he was begging for a diaper, but he had shown me he understood using the potty, so I did not relent. The next day he only had 2 accidents, and after that one, then only a couple times a week, until about a month later he was 100%. That first day he was just testing me, to see if I would give in and let him stay in diapers.

Best of luck.

my son had the same issues. I was talking with a friend and she said she just put her son in underpants and let him get wet. With pants and underpants it rarely makes it to the carpet. He would have to strip himself, put his clothes in the laundry and redress each time. He was a bit younger (2.5) but expecting a sibling. She said it took about a week to start really using the potty, and 3 weeks before she felt safe taking him out. When I tried it with my son (who had already shown he could if he wanted to) he had maybe one accident the first 3 days and only an occational one since. It was a plesant suprise. We gave out candy (like 1 m&m or other small treat) just for incentive. He still rarely uses it for BM prefering to do his business at night after we put a nightime diaper on, or as soon as he wakes. I dont mind that so much though. Just my experiance. Good luck, Jen

M. -

Having faced similar challenges with my son, I am a strong advocate of the "cold-turkey" method. Even after going through the expense of disposable training pants (which I do not recommend), I began to wonder if he was EVER going to figure it out. Long story short, it took maybe as long as a weekend after I decide that I was not buying anymore disposables. I was matter of fact and calm, said "this is how it is" and he was able to adjust to it rather quickly. My theory at the time (and still today) is that it's cheaper to do an extra load of laundry than continue to feed the dependency. Good luck!

Hey M.!

You are not alone - my nephew did not get potty trained until he was 4.5, just in time for kindergarten.

I'll mention what my daycare provider for a 3.5 year old boy in her care. She did this, of course, with the full approval of the boy's parents. She chose a day to go cold-turkey (no more diapers) and before that date, the mother brought in about three outfits PLUS about 8 pairs of underwear.

When he peed in his pants that first day, the daycare provider said (in a happy voice), "let's go clean yourself up! You're such a big boy now, I can't change your diaper here like the babies, we have to clean you in the bathroom." She then used COLD water to clean him up and had him wash his own underwear. She never shamed him or made him feel bad. But in one week he was 100% potty trained.

And like the pp mentioned, he was SO proud of himself. He told everybody for weeks and weeks. That's actually how I learned about it. I would go pick up my daughter, and he would run to me and say, "did you know I can use the potty? I don't wear diapers anymore! I'm a big boy!" This was the same boy who showed zero interest in using the potty just weeks before.

Just one more thing - the parents and the daycare provider knew he was ready. They would never have done this with a child who was clearly showing signs of not being ready or with a child who was showing signs of having a bladder problem or something. Your son sounds like he's ready, but I thought I'd throw that in there since so many people read these posts!

Good luck!!! M.

Summer is coming! That means when it's warm you can let him stay outside with no pants no diaper. Most kids do NOT like the feeling of going to the bathroom with that "stuff" running down their legs. It takes 3 days of this to cure them to the potty. In the middle east they potty train at 1.5 years by sitting with them on a comforter or other blanket in a room for 3 days, and just train them - with nothing else on the agenda until they stay going potty. during that three days they are not wearing any pants. I have a friend who has done this successfully. I had other ways that I trained successfully, but started them way before they had to be trained.

The "stay=dry" feeling diapers and pullups contribute to this situation. I actually put my daughter back in cloth diapers when it was time to train, because I wanted her to be uncomfortable every time she wet. It gave her the incentive to train.

Don't put diapers on him. Let him go in his pants a few times. Sounds like you need to be a bit more force full and set some rules. He is old enough to understand whats going on.

I would go with your own advice; one day tell him you're out of diapers, we don't have anymore. From now on, you need to wear underpants (training pants.) Tell him this very matter-of-factly, like there are no other options for him. He needs to understand you're the authority figure, and he doesn't dictate what he does and does not do. Remind him that going potty is not something you choose to do, but everybody does it every day, whether they like it or not. Bribery at this point is not going to work as well. At routine times during the day, tell him "it's time to go potty," instead of asking him if he wants to go, as he would say "no" if you gave him the choice. Just doing away with disposables is the best way to handle this situation, If you choose to have other children in the future, I would recommend putting them on the potty for the first time before their first birthday.

Hi M.,
Going cold turkey is the best method, and to help you with it, go buy the book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day". It's a thin paperback and around $6. I used it for both of my boys. They were trained in just a few hours and never wore a diaper again, even at night. Make sure you read it all the way through before you begin. Being well prepared is the key. Make sure you have a whole day to devote to being one-on-one with your child with absolutely NO interruptions (TV, phone, computer, toys, other siblings, parents, etc.). You will be so happy you did it! I recommend this book to everyone. It really works. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Hi M.,

I have 3 kids and I understand how different they can be. I suggest taking away the diapers at home completely. there are plastic covers for the bed and it will make more laundry for you for a while. I had to do this with my now 7 year old and after a while it did work. She hated the feel of it touching her skin and the diapers don't let them feel it like underwear does. I tried giving her choices but realized that at 3 she wasn't able to make all those choices and I needed to guide her and let her know that I was the authority and she needs to follow my lead. She is still very independent so I know it didn't hurt her to be made to potty in the toilet.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. This child raising is definitely harder than I expected.

P.

Put him in underwear and when he has an accident, put him in the shower fully dress and spray him down with cold water. Just enough to let him know that you mean business. Pretty quick he'll figure it out. It's not harsh to teach your child that you are the boss. I completely understand about having a stubborn child. My 4.5 year old only eats PB&J's, certain kinds of cereal and a few kinds of crackers. The problem is (and it sounds like your son is the same way) is that he's really smart and stubborn. Which is a difficult combination. Good luck in whatever you choose to do, but I certainly agree that it's high time you were proactive about this situation. Its great to be your kids friend, but you need to be his mom first.

There must be something about boys. My son wasn't intersted either. He had wayyyyy better things to think about. Don't worry though. He won't still be in diapers when he's a teenager. My suggestion would be to stop using the diapers except at school and at bedtime for now. That's what worked for my son. He finally got tired of being wet and having to clean up after himself. It also really helped to have him watch his dad use the toilet. Hope this helps and good luck.

M.,

I would click on the mamasource archives to the left because you are not alone in this issue. It happens all the time. I would suggest you set aside the time to train him because half the problem is giving him the environment; such as, books and things by his potty, training underpants with a plastic cover so he feels it, a panty bucket with bleach for soaking messes, a dresser so he can get his clothes and pick them out, particularly the underwear, and to tell everyone about what he is working on in a really positive manner. He is listening to you and what you say to others so make sure you are proud and happy when you talk about the potty situation.

Make a big deal if he goes potty and don't make a huge fuss if he doesn't just say next time you can do it. I would set up two weeks of training and if there are no results at all, I would stop and try in a month or if he brings it up then start again. Make sure if you do start you finish the two weeks of training.

Ask him every two hours if he needs to go potty, but don't wait longet than 3 before placing him on the potty for a try while you read a book.
Bring a fold out potty cover so he can sit on toilets when you go out anywhere.
Buy a pittle potty cover for your car seat to keep messes down.
Pay attention to his patterns so you can expect when he needs to go potty especially poo.
Encourage him to wipe himself after potty by pulling down potty paper.
Always go through the routine of washing hands and wiping no matter if he goes or not.

Basically, I would create a space where he is as independent as possible because at this age he should e wanting to do things himself he just needs your modeling and support to help him out.

Happy Potty Training Poo You!
Pee ya later,
G.

PS... get an episode/movie of the Rugrats, it's humour the whole family can enjoy! Ahhh diaper heaven...

Pick up a day and say that this is the "no more diapers day", aloud at least a week, so you can talk about this upcoming event and make it a big deal, no bribes and rewards! Than let him pick up the underwear that he will use that day. Put the underwear somewhere where he can see it every day until the big day and talk about it every chance you have. When the day comes put his "special" underwear on him and if he wets it just take time to change him and keep talking how long time you need to change him when he wets his pants, and underwear, may be socks... He will get the message that when you need to change his regular cloths it has to be done immediately and will take loooooong time. Take him to a park and if he gets wet take him home for a change (pretend that you forgot to take a change) or take him to the car to change him and take time there. Make sure that he won't get comfortable in his wet cloths, come with something like: "Oh, I can see you are wet. That's OK, but now we need to change your cloths, so you won't catch a cold!" Stay calm and don't make a big deal that he is wet, be ready for a fit and take time to change him.

You sound like you have a pretty smart little boy on your hands. As a mom of 2 boys that finally got potty trained at 3.5 and my 4.5 yr old still wears pull ups at nap and night time, I say you have to do what is right for YOUR child and it sounds like cold turkey is the way to go for him. Maybe if you have a calender you can mark the day (I suggest a long weekend that you can stay home with him) and say no more only for bed time, not even day care. You may want to warn your day care that you are doing it and they can encourage him as the date approches. I TOTALLY agree with making him clean himself up they really don't like doing that at all. He will eventually give in when he knows you aren't going to give up and give in to him. We had tough time with my 2nd but stuck to it and it really only took about 5-6 days for him to really get the hang of it. Just be prepared for lots of laundry......LOL
Best Wishes,
W.

I think you're right! Go cold turkey! I'd even take time off of work for it so that you're not 1) forcing the day care providers to clean up after your son for a couple days, and 2) your son isn't going cold turkey in front of all of his friends. When he has an accident, don't go back to pull-ups or diapers. Clean him up and put him back into underwear. He might take a day or two, but once you take control and just say, "This is what we're going to do." very matter of factly, hopefully it won't become an emotional thing. Good luck! I waited to go for it when my son was just over 3 years, and he was totally ready. Maybe your son is just waiting for you to take control.

The book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day worked for my 27 month old, who's been diaper free for going on five months now. It said the method was 100% effective as long as it is followed precisely and both parents are on board, and it was used a lot on older, resistant kids like yours. It's available on Amazon.

Before I found the book, I trained my older son who was almost 3 by going cold turkey. I took his diapers away and put him in underwear (no pants) and stayed close to the house for a few days. When he needed to pee (when we first started) he would stop what he was doing and look at the floor directly in front of him. I was like "what is he looking at", only to see him start peeing right there on the floor. I would scream (couldn't help it), which would stop him right there, then I'd grab his hand and we'd run to the bathroom where he'd finish. That turns out to be a step in the book :) He had number one down in a couple of days. He was terrified of pooping in the toilet, though, and would constipate himself for days at a time to avoid going, but after a month of frequent accidents, he finally just got it. The book mentioned above made it all so much easier, and really worked. I didn't do it as long as I should have so at first he wasn't 100%, so a couple of weeks later I did the method again, for just an hour or so, and then we had it down for good. If he had an accident for no good reason, I would wash him (and his older brother when we were training him) in the tub with cold water (which sounds terrible), so that the alternative of using the toilet would be more appealing than a cold bath... Good luck.

have you seen the Peter Potty? I got one for my autistic son because he showed no sign at all even at 4.5 years (and trust me we tried everything) but he did think men's urnals were cool, so we got the peter potty and it was like a light switched on for him (his doc said it was because he could "see" what was going on.... I don't know all I do know is it is very hard to train an austic child so we were blessed.

My kids loved/love to be naked which I think helped make potty training easier. Sure there were quite a few messes but my twins were out of pullups by 2.5, and my 15 month old has used the potty quite a bit. Now that the twins are almost 4 they have to have at least undies and panties on while playing....I figure they need to learn that they can't play naked forever! Plus my 15 month old had discovered big brothers special parts and has tried to touch them so he is all about keeping them covered lol.
Onto advice:
Try letting him stand to pee. My son only peed sitting down maybe 2 times and then we switched to standing. He prefered this way. When they first started "potty training" we would let them pee off the porch or on the trees outside (yup even my daughter). They thought it was hilarious....... I spent many afternoons spraying pee from the gravel below the porch and sometimes the porch itself, but it worked for us.
Reverse psychology wrked for those stubborn times they refused to go........"Don't you pee in MY toilet!! Don't you dare put any of your stinky old pee in MY toilet" Matter of fact it still works when they are to 'busy' to go ha ha ha.

After being in undies for about 2 soid months my son would go into the bathroom stand in front of the toilet and pee in his pants.....on purpose......and laugh. He quickly stoppped laughing when he had to clean up himself and the floor with out my help. He also quickly stopped this little phase. He could be a little stinker when he wanted to be, but almost 1.5 years later we have no problems with daytime or nighttime accidents, and haven't for as long as I can remember.

Try not to be upset when for the 4th time in a day he wets his undies. Just maintain a very blah attitude and had him a towel and tell him to get to work cleaning.

Try setting a specific "time table" for him. Put the package of diapers/pull ups in a spot that he can see them and remind him often that as soon as they are gone you cannot buy more, and it will be up to his undies to do the job of covering his tushie. Tell him that undies don't like to be wet so it's his job to help keep them dry.

I wish you luck on this messy adventure!!!

M.,

My son is 4 1/2 and has only been potty trained for about a month and a half. I understand your frustrations. Like you we started when he was around 2-ish. The first setback we had was when my dad (his best friend) started driving semi trucks again. We waited a bit, he started training at the daycare we had him in, he was starting to do really well, and then his sister was born a year ago March. Again he lost all interest. These both were completely understandable regressions, but still frustrating as all get out.

A couple things that really helped us was to get him out of diapers/pull-ups (we'd been using pull-ups for about a year because he was too big for the biggest diapers), put him in underwear and make him clean up his messes. We used the bathtub with the coldest water that would come out of the tap.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I just want to say YES to your idea to go cold-turkey on the diapers and go straight to underwear. IT WORKS! I did it with my son right at three, he also had no interest in using the potty, and he was trained in less than a week. Your son will not like having accidents, and will likely begin using the toilet VERY quickly out of necessity. When I took the diapers away (I prepared him that it was coming, counting down the days for about a week, talking excitedly about how he was a big boy now, didn't need diapers anymore, and mommy was going to teach him to use the big boy potty just like mommy and daddy and most of his friends!) I combined it with some of the ideas in the Potty Training in a Day book. Also DO NOT use diapers at night, move to pullups to reinforce the idea that he is a big boy and doesn't wear diapers at all anymore. Just take the diapers away, give them to a friend or something. We treat Pullups just like underwear and expect that they will not get wet at night. And 99% of the time they don't. We're still on the same package that we started using 2 months ago.

I don't think we can expect kids to figure this out on their own, rather it's our responsibility as the parent to "push them out of the nest" so to speak, especially on this topic. Look at it as a training issue, not a developmental issue that you just wait for him to develop. You wouldn't wait for him to teach himself to read, would you?

Good luck, it's a big step, and a big risk for you, but SO worth it, and you won't belive how proud of himself he'll be. It's really wonderful to see, and that's what parenting is ultimately all about, not teaching kids to rely on and maintain dependence on us, but to gradually give them the skills and confidence to navigate the world themselves.

You know potty training is all about the last bit of control a child has over his/her world. Well atleast it seems that way to them. I have 6 kids and 6 grandchildren and they all were different in their potty training days. I had worked in a special education preschool and had potty trained several toddlers and I really wasnt' really excited about doing it with my own. My guys were about 3 1/2 when I just went to the store, let them pick our character underwear and the next day I said "Daddy uses the toilet, and you are old enough to do that too" and it worked. I think the matter of fact approach is the best. If your little one is anxious, maybe circle the date on the calendar a few days in advance and give him a heads up. Also, when he wets his pants, let him clean himself up. Good luck! Enjoy your little boy!

My son is your son's age. While he has been completely potty trained since last summer, I did have to do the cold turkey approach. He would go on the potty sometimes, but not all the time, so I knew that he knew when he had to go. I took a weekend and only put him in underwear, except at night. He had a few accidents, which he didn't like at all, and after that weekend he only had about two more accidents that week and was then done. Once that was taken care of, he also stopped peeing at night. I know that what works for one child, may not work for another, but good luck!