I've been struggling with a personal issue about my sister. Brief background the girl has been married and divorced twice and she's only 23. She has recently discussed wanting to get engage to another guy and though I would like for her to be happy, I just can't get over the shock! So I put it out of my mind thinking it hasn't happened yet so there's nothing to worry about. Well she posted on facebook today that she is. The reason I'm struggling is because her first marriage (at the JP) was when she turned 18 to her boss at the time. That lasted a month. However, she didn't settle the divorce until 2 months before her 2nd marriage 2 years later. And that marriage was traditional $8000 dollar wedding with friends and family. It lasted 7 months, where she left him and ended up with a new "relationship" picture on facebook. Oh and she did have a kid with another man that she hoped to marry back in August of 2009. And now as of this year I know for facts (or what she tells me) that January of this year is when she first met prospect husband #3, Feb. her divorce for #2 was final, March she planned to run away to NM to live with a man that no one has met, for Mother's Day her baby's daddy proposed and she accepted, June she left our nephew's bday party to sleep with husband #1 and then in July she gave prospect husband #3 a second chance and now a month later she is engaged again! Wow. I don't know HOW to be happy for her. If she went to the JP, I think we could all try and give this a chance, but she is going to want another wedding. I have to face her on Sunday to celebrate her child's 1st birthday. The #3's family is going to be there and I wouldnt want to make a scene, so I need help in looking and acting surprised , or happy for her.. Any suggestions?
Thanks for the great comments! That's just how I felt. Happy yet not overly happy and if she wanted my personal opinion, thats the part that I wasn't sure if I should give. But yes in private I will say my peace. I'm thoroughly hoping that since the engagment was so sudden that maybe they will delay the wedding some. Our brother got engaged last Christmas and their wedding is either April or July of next year. So here's to hoping she doesn't steal their "thunder".
As for the child, that's another issue. She quit taking the child to his natural father for visitations because he didn't want to marry my sister. So prospect #3 has said he would like to be on the birth certificate which I find appalling and wrong! She wants her perfect white fenced life but does not acknowledge the speed bumps along the way.
How about "Wow. That's a lot to absorb!"
Sorry. I wish I could help, but I would probably be as "happy" as you are.
:(
You do not have to say much. Just say "OK." When you meet the new family, just be polite and say "nice to meet you". If they ask direct questions, answer them truthfully, but do not elaborate.
IF sister asks your opinion, ask her first "do you want my honest answer?" If she says yes, let her know that marriage is not dating. The main reason people marry is because they want to be together for the rest of their lives and they work every moment to make it successful."
Suggest they go to couples therapy, just so they can make sure they are on the same page.
My sister is a pretty intense person and tends to take on the personality of the person she is dating. She thinks if she bends to what she thinks they like, it is better. When we are around these boyfriends and their families, I always feel so uncomfortable, so I just try to say as little about her as possible, unless I am asked a direct question. I do not want them to think I was not truthful, but the wrath of my sister would be way worse.
I wouldn't act at all. I'd just stay out of it all. Don't act surprised, don't say anything that will cause a scene. And I wouldn't act overly happy. She obviously needs serious mental help and your parents aren't doing a good job of getting her in that direction. I'm sure that short of my husband's death, my parents would never pay for a second wedding. She has commitment issues, fidelity issues, and I'm guessing horrible self-esteem. People with good self-esteem just don't treat other people like that. Plus she's remarkably selfish.
Stand by, say congratulations, and ignore the rest of it.
I wouldn't "act" surprised or happy. Be yourself. She probably knows your opinion. I'd stay out of it as much as you can. Smile at your neice/nephew and be respectful of #3s family, but don't get too involved. It's the kiddos' bday party. Make it about the kiddo. Help wash dishes and stay out of conversation if you don't think you'll be able to hold your tongue.
If you don't act super-happy, then perhaps she'll initiate a "what's wrong?" and you can (privately in the other room) bring up how you just don't like seeing her self-destruct and make bad choice after bad choice. You want her to be happy and settle down and take care of her baby.
Your sister appears to be very immature and somewhat "slutty". I don't think the men in her life know what she truly acts like, or they don't care, or they are not real intelligent. She can pay for her own wedding if she gets married again. Truth hurts but its better to be truthful than deceitful. If she is happy with her life just let her know that you are thankful that she is happy.
V.
I would feel the same way; however, she is your sister and it is her life and this is apparently how she wants to live it. There is nothing we can do but be an ear when she needs it and tell her you are here for her, but you do not agree with it, but here for her.
Sisters are fun!! I love mine to death, but man they are a lot of work!! And it's hard to bite my tongue, but it's what I do. I'd do the same in this situation. You can't make choices for her, and I'm sure she knows how you feel. So maybe have a sit down with her and just tell her that you support her, but that does not mean you have to support or like her decisions. We want the best for our sisters and family regardless of what bad decisions we think they make. So being supportive of her will help her make the right decision ultimately, even if it takes a long time. Good luck!
i wouldn't act surprised or happy. just be pleased to meet them as people, instead of "oh it's so great we're going to be family soon!" sometimes the other side has no idea what they or their family member are getting into by marrying someone because no one wants to interfere. i'm not saying you should interfere, i just don't think you should pretend to feel a way that you don't. i remember reading a look on my first fiance's mom's face that seemed to me like she wasn't accepting of our engagement for some reason. it made me stop and consider things, look more closely at the situation, because i trusted her wisdom. the guy didn't even have a job and was considering for us to live in a camper trailer next to his dad's house. what was i thinking? he ended up breaking up with me and going back with a previous fiancee. i never got the chance to ask his mom how she had felt about us, but whatever it was, she turned out to be right-- it didn't last. good luck!
Wow!, I don't know if you can be sincerely happy, but you could try acting happy, although I would be worried. I read in a magazine, that we release a chemical when we are attracted to someone, and that chemical becomes stronger once we are infatuated, but fades over a period of around 2 years; but it can be addictive, as I was reading your post this came to mind, and I'm thinking she might be addicted to "infatuation" which is why she cant seem to keep a relationship and keeps changing prospects, getting that infatuation high over and over, maybe you could talk to a therapist about it, and suggest that she go to therapy? Would that be an option?
Wow, I got confused just trying to follow that string! :) What can you do? Nothing. No need to pretend, just be yourself. Sounds like your sister is trying to fill some void.
In private I would discuss with her about keeping things constant for her baby. How all this shifting interest in men could affect how her baby see's the world and how the baby could be very dissapointed in life since he/she doesn't have a constant dad in he/she's life. She might (might being a huge might. My dealings with people like this is that they are obviously selfish and don't really care about even their own children) get the point.
Good luck and I hope this will calm down for that babies sake.
We're going through a very similar situation right now with my brother. He meets new girls and tells them he loves them within days of knowing them. He also has 2 children to 2 different women--not even a year apart in age...with baby #2's mom supposedly pregnant w/ her 2nd to him, due any day now, and baby #1's mom just told me last night that she just found out 2 days ago that she's expecting again with him. I know how you feel. It's very difficult to act surprised or feel happy at all when this is occuring every other day. All I can suggest is that you tell her that you will accept whatever decision she makes, but you don't have to like it, nor do you have to support it.
