Need Advice on 2 Year Old Discipline.

I had a similar problem. The child I watched would also hit and would be very aggressive to my daughter. My daughter who is not usually physical would then hit back, and she even got scratches from this child. This child was an "alpha" type child. Always had to be "first" and the one in control, and it was not just because of her age. It was her personality, which her family shared with me, and hoped I could "cure" for them. Surely I reinforced the "rules" of my household while she was in my care. To no avail. I finally had to stop watching this child. It was discussed with her family, and we all jointly agreed. My own girl was all the happier because of it. In my case, I needed extra money too, but did not want my own daughter being attacked in her own home and be exposed to this. She was not happy while I baby sat this child. It created upheaval in our home and I did not want it happening any longer. This is just my experience. I'm sure you will get a lot of tips here. Good luck.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hi C.,
After many years of providing child care I think I have seen it all. I feel compassion for both of these children, the older one definitely sounds like she has suffered emotionally during the last year when she should have been "the baby." But at this point I think my primary concern would be to protect the younger child first and not allow her sister to inflict discomfort which will most surely stunt her development. If you can pinpoint what triggers the older sister to become aggressive then focus your energy on those situations. If her behavior is impulsive (like most two year olds) then I really recommend not leaving the baby alone with her or at least keep the baby separated from her sister if you are not within a couple steps of both children. If you are truly dedicated to these kids and want to work with them then I know for a fact that you will gain their respect and their behavior will improve. It's just going to take time (probably months since the mother doesn't have her act together). Next time the subject comes up I would try to nicely suggest parenting classes (have some resources ready to give to her) and there are child care associations all over CA where providers network with eachother and hold meetings to discuss different topics. You sound like a great mom, look at these two children as if they are newborns and you're starting from day one with them. If you ever want to email me personally you can visit my ____@____.com
good luck,
R.

Hi C.,

I would let the mother know that you are having problems with her child hitting and let her know that in your house, you don't allow that behavior. Then talk with her about what she does to discipline-if anything, and come up with some ground rules that you both can agree to. Sit down with all of the children- go over them- even make a chart. Make it fun and have the children participate in decorating the chart etc. If you start with that, she should come around in no time. Good luck!

Hi C..
Unless you educate the mom, whatever you do to correct the 2-yr old will not work. Like you said, you educated your own kids from the beginning. But the key is consistency. For example, if you educate your kids one way, then your husband let them do whatever they please, they would not get the point.
Same for this. I would not even bother to educate the kid. A 2 year old cannot be made that responsible. But an adult can, and if you really want to help you need a good chat with the mom and she either changes what she does, or just accept the way she is educating her kids.

I started daycare last febuary. What has helped me is joining daycare provider forums. Thay are very supportive and one the provider has this excellant site on toddler disciple.

http://pammshouse.com/toddlermanage.html

It has helped me alot. Being a provider you may not be able to get the parents on the same page, be kids can and will learn to follow your rules when thay are with you.

Hi C.:
I think this is a tricky line to walk across, indeed. Are you good friends with the mother? The reason I ask is that if you extend a hand to her to help curtail this issue with the 2 year old I'm sure she'd be very greatful to you! However, I think consistancy is the key. Both households should have the same consequences. It seems that the little girl is not very happy being a big sister...maybe encouraging what being a big sister is like with protecting her little sister and such might help. However, I know that at 2 it might be difficult to get it across, but that might be a start.
Good luck!
C.