Need Advice for Daughter Who Is Hitting

I had the exact same problem with my son at the exact same age. I tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. I even, shamefully enough, resorted to hitting back. That didn't even work. This went on for a couple months until I relized that his daycare provider allowed him to be overly aggressive with the other children. She had had him for so long she became her "favorite" and she automatically sided with him over any other child.

The end result was that I transfered daycares. I ended up picking a daycare where the provider herself had a young child the same age who she had the same problem with. They honestly duked it out for about 3 weeks to see who would dominate but then just stopped and are now inseperable when they are together.

If you are doing time out and always following through, then I would suggest you give a very close look to the daycare enviroment to see if he is being "spoiled" by any of the women there.

This is a phase. They all go through it, mostly because they don't have the words to express themselves. There is a great book out there called "No Hitting" by Karen Katz. It's a children's book that gives them other things to do instead. When my son went through this stage he wouldn't even let us read the book to him. He know it was wrong. All we had to do was say "do I need to get the book?" She has others too. There is a "No Biting" book too.

Hitting is a type of communication. Children often bite or hit when they become frustrated and cant seem to get her point across. At this age, they are realizing they have a plethora of emotions and its very overwhelming for them. What she needs is a calm voice and redirection.

e.g.- (childs name) thats not very nice. I understand your upset about this. Can we play another game/watch another show/ect...

They dont want to be yelled at, hitting may be the only way she can convey that she is upset. Try redirecting her, dont focus on the hitting- make it clear its not nice and move on.
It might take a while, or you might see results the first time, just try to stay consistant. Also, try to get her to tell you what is wrong. Ask her if she feels mad or sad. You are giving her a vocabulary to work with and she will be less likely to hit.

Hi M.~both my boys were hitters at that age. The good thing is that it didnt last. They would hit when they were upset or sometimes not; just looking for a reaction from me I guess. I used to tell them I only liked nice touches and would give them hugs. Good luck

My advice would be to watch what your child is doing at the time she starts hitting. there are several reasons for her hitting and by watching you will know if she did it because she was angry,hurt,wanted something someone else had, ect.

children at that age tend to hit because they have more emotions then they do words to express them. Its up to us as parents and providers to watch what brings on that behavior, then to redirect it from there.

First of all, it is a phase, an early stage of the terrible two's and teenage years. My advice is to keep doing what your doing, time out can work, but all of this has to be a repetitive thing. Another thing you could try is maybe taking something for a period of time and telling her that she will get it back when stops hitting. I had problems with my oldest daughter just like that, except for the hitting others at daycare and all; she just threw some pretty severe tantrums. No one really helped me. She would throw herself, literally down on the ground or the floor if she didn't get what she wanted. It didn't matter if we were in a store or not. I would just pick her up, and bring out to the car kicking and screaming. I am sorry if i haven't been much help. I have always told all mothers that i meet, that whatever you go through with your kids in the toddler years, is pretty much what you get when they hit teenage years, for the most part.

I have a daughter who is 17 months old and we just recently went through that phase, and I was not sure what to do either. I asked her pediatrician about it and he said that all we could do was to ignore it and it would go away, and it did. He said she was doing it for attention and talking about it gave her the attention she wanted. It took about 2 weeks, but she stopped! Good luck.

I hope this helps...it is similiar to your request...

Does Your Toddler Head Butt?
How to curb a child's aggressive behavior
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By Sandra Hume
Chris Jordan couldn't help but scream when her son Miles, 1, came at her headfirst. "He got me in the nose, and, my God, did it ever hurt," says the Norfolk, CT, mom.

It may seem alarming, but head butting � like biting or tantrums � is usually just another way toddlers show frustration or anger, says Pamela High, M.D., professor of pediatrics at Brown Medical School, in Providence. Other times it's the result of roughhousing gone too far.

Kids tend to stop butting once they start speaking and can get your attention with their words instead of by force. Until then, to curb your headstrong child:

Don't laugh, no matter how funny your kid can look charging headfirst; you'll only encourage him. Instead, let him know that it hurts by saying "No, that is not allowed" very firmly whenever he does it. Then, focus on consoling the buttee so your child realizes his action won't grab your attention.

Distract him. Direct his attention somewhere else.

Help him communicate in other ways. When Miles would head-butt, Jordan made an obvious show of trying to figure out what it was that he wanted. "If he was near the fridge, I'd hold up different foods until he stopped. That helped."

Banish bad influences. TV and siblings' video games can be rife with violence, so make sure the entertainment in your toddler's line of vision is age appropriate. Also, avoid physical punishment, which only teaches him that aggression's an acceptable way to handle a problem.

Parenting, October 2006