Need Advice for a 2Nd Time Mom

Get the help. You'll be glad you did. You are not freaking out; you're being realistic.

Hi E.!

I couldn't help but respond to this question you've posted. You've got a lot of big changes coming up in the next few months and each sounds wonderful. If you can, I would urge you to keep everything as low key as possible and try to maintain some sort of schedule during the move. I now have three children. My oldest was 19 months when #2 arrived and 20 months later we welcomed #3. I had quite a few people tell me that my first child's life was going to be "ruined" when the baby arrived. I didn't believe it then and I certainly don't believe it now 4 1/2 years later.

Your child will read your cues and behave accordingly. If you are calm and cool, your child will go along with the new changes beautifully. We did the big move, new house thing from Chicago to Maryland just before #3 was born and the older two were fabulous every step of the way. My children have never shown any signs of jealousy towards the others and I tend to not support the claims that this happens. I'm a very laid back person, I don't sweat the small stuff and I'm not surprised by anything that these little people try.

I think it would depend on who this friend is that you might have help. While the idea of the help is nice, you'll need to consider how having someone present 24/7 might affect your child. Having the nesting urges will just help you get settled into your new home sooner ~ it's a positive thing!! I had 3 weeks to get settled into our new house before our little one arrived and it was great. Your 18 month old will be so busy with boxes & sorting that you'll actually have more time to focus on the organization.

Good luck to you on all fronts ~ these are exciting times for a family and I hope you can get a little time to put your feet up!

B.

Hi E.

I am a new mom of two. One is now 18 months and the other is 2 months old.Its not as bad as I thought it would be. I can only tell you to communicate with the 18 month old and let them know about the baby coming. My older daughter would touch my stomach and say "BABY". I would try to explain to her that a baby was on the way but I was also nervous about having two little ones at the same time. Its like you turn into super mom when the baby is born. When I was still in the hospital, my older daughter didn't really know what was going on and didn't care but when I came home she was sooo excited. Now all she wants to do is kiss the baby and talk to her. She was never a jealous type and with her having a sister close in age, I think they will be close friends growing up. As far as me taking care of them, its not so bad. My husband had a couple of weeks off for paternity leave which helped me a lot as far as healing and getting the rest I needed after having a baby. When it was time for him to go back to work I had to make some adjustments as far as taking care of two babies instead of just one but it really wasnt so hard. Good luck and try to get all of the rest when you do have help. Sleep when they are there to help you and find a method thats best for you as far as taking care of your babies.

Venessa

E., my advice would be to relax as much as you can considering the circumstances and dont worry about the new apt. not being perfect and still having some boxes around. As long as you have a clean kitchen, bathroom, and place for all of you to sleep...you're good to go! The baby wont care if the house isnt nice and neat. Dont sweat the small stuff and enjoy your babies!

First, congrats on the new baby. I am a former military wife. We moved to a new country right after my daughter was born. So I know a little about moving with a newborn. My best advice is not to worry to much about all of the boxes. Only unpack what you need. I would ask a friend to help after the baby is born. That is when you'll need the most help with unpacking and with both of your babies.

E.,

I am in your exact same situation. I have a 15 month old and am due with my second son in 6 weeks. I don't have a move coming up but lots of the same questions. My husband and I work from home and have taken care of my son completely by ourselves since he was born...and love it. I'm just not sure if we will be able to work from home and handle 2 though. I've thought about putting my toddler in a in home day care down the street, just 2 days a week to give us a break for 2 days but can't stand the thought of not having him around since that is what I'm used too. I've also thought about having freinds or family come to help but don't want them to be here and have nothing to do. My plan is to play it by ear. Try it out alone for a week or two and then have someone-or hire someone to help out once I have an idea of what I will need help with. Good luck with everything!

S. H

It all depends on you and your spouse, i have 2 boys 14months apart, though it was hard but trust me, you will get by, as far your friend i think you'll need her more after the baby,if you can save her help for then. you should also get an organizer, form a routine and stick to it,that way you can give everyone there due attention and also have daddy time daily,so you could have time, leave the kids with dad and focus on yourself. it can be a self reflecting and renewing time.

Hi E.,
Congratulations on both kids! My first advice would be to make sure that before the new baby arrives ahve someone go out and get a few small toys and wrap them for your oldest. That way when someone comes by with something for the baby they won't feel left out. And someone wrote before that you should only unpack what the kids and you and your DH will need for the first 2 weeks, great idea, but be sure that you know where eveything is, just in case. Also, it was a godsend to have meals, or parts of meals made ahead. KISS, make a meatloaf, or some schicken breasts and then add sauce and veggies while they're haeting up.

It really is easier than you think when the 2nd comes along, but the first may turn into a klingon for a bit, be sure to make some time for them and things will go great. When your oldest wants some attentin and you have to do something with the baby, have 'em help you, keep some supplies theat they can reach, diapers toys clothes, etc.

Good Luck, and REMEMBER to ENJOY both of your kids!!!

BTW my first two are 24 mo and 3days apart, not quite as close as yours

I just had my second child this summer--my children are about 16 months apart. I agree that it won't be as hard as you imagine it to be, but you will have moments. I suggest getting your older child involved in "helping" as much as possible. We have our oldest throw away dirty diapers, and bring us things we need (pacifiers, teethers, blanket, etc.), and she occasionally likes to sit with me when I am feeding her brother. I also take her to a music class, so when I am breast feeding, we will sing the songs from music class so she doesn't feel ignored while I am occupied.

My biggest advice--ACCEPT HELP! It is very hard for me to ask for help, but when I ask for help and get it, life is so much better. We had our mothers with us for the first month after our son's birth. They cooked, cleaned, and occupied our daughter. I got to sleep a little more and it really helped me stay sane. I would also recommend something like Schwanns. They have frozen meals that can be delivered to your home. That way, when you have not been able to get anything done during the day, you can at least throw a decent meal into the oven for dinner.

That leads me to my last piece of advice--don't worry that nothing gets done during the day. My house is a mess a lot, and sometimes our dinner is take-out, but whatever. Your kids will take up a lot of time, and that is okay. You are building a secure foundation for them. Enjoy your time with them because it really does go by quickly.

Congratulations on your expanding family. ENJOY!

E.-
Congrats on the new baby. Our first was a little older (2 1/2) when the second arrived. I know you are moving, but if you have any room in your freezer, go to supper thyme or let's dish and make several meals in advance to freeze. If you don't have the time or energy, they can make it for you for a small fee. This saved me tons of time. If your friend can help you with the older child when the baby is born, that would be very helpful for you. I found caring for the baby much easier the second time around, I slept when he slept, etc. What was difficult was trying to care for the toddler who wanted attention at the same time the baby did. Plan to spend some special alone time with your toddler once the baby is born. Have a gift that the new baby can give to your toddler when they meet for the first time. When the baby is born, there is a debate on whether your toddler should come to the hospital to greet him. We didn't bring our daughter to the hospital because I knew she would cling to me and scream when she had to leave. A friend of mine had her babies 17 mo apart and she felt the same way. She had someone entertain the toddler and she really didn't even miss mommy that much. Try to find jobs that your toddler can do to help to get her involved, like bringing diapers to you, etc. Be prepared for some regression in your toddler for a while once the baby is home. Try to relax and enjoy this time and spend some time with your older child now. Congrats again!

Christy

E.,
The best thing i can tell u is this, things will fall into place as are to be. My daughter was 2 1/2 yrs old when i had my son. I was all worried that her being an only child for that long it was going to be a fight. But once i got my son home, we settled into a routine with both of them and she adjusted well. Is your daughter all excited about the new kid, or doesnt understand it?? If u need to talk feel free to email me, ____@____.com

B.