Need Advice About Sending Son to Kindergarten

Hi M.--
Two cents from an upper-level teacher...if he makes the district cutoff, and you feel like he's ready academically, and his teachers agree, send him. I know the social factor is a tough one, but I feel like you can watch him and help him with that one. I have seen too many BORED high school students, who were sick of being where they were and because of that ended up less successful and sometimes in trouble. Basically, there is no one right decision--both decisions come with drawbacks that you'll have to spend time correcting. But I feel like you can help teach him to stand up for himself and how to play with other kids, and certainly more time at school should help with that situation. It seems like kids learn successful interaction from seeing it and participating in it. If you do decide to hold him, be ready to offer extra academic challenges at home, and be ready for the extra interpersonal challenges of the teen years. :)
Good luck!

Dear M., Shirley's story about her son could be mine. My son is 29 and calls his GED, his Good Enough Diploma! haha Like your son he was a gentle spirited child. Keep him home one more year if you can. I am not saying he won't make it but my son alway's says, "why did I have to grow up so fast. I wish I had realized how good it was to be a kid." Maybe your son could be a kid just one more season. I think it would be money well spent. Best wishes in your decision, K. K.

Hi M.. I just happen to be a kindergarten teacher in the area. Obviously you know your son best, so ultimately it is up to you - if you think he is ready to attend kindergarten. First of all, it sounds like you need to talk to your son about how to communicate with the boys that are picking on him by having him say things like, "I don't like that." And then if the boys continue to bully him he can tell a teacher. I hate to think that he is being bullied - that is such an awful thing! I know, at my school, we take that sort of thing seriously, so maybe going to kindergarten would actually help your son learn how to handle those situations. And if he seems on track academically then I would definitely send him to kindergarten, he'll develop socially as he grows. But holding him back might cause more heartache. I hope some of this makes sense!

Just want to share some things that other moms in similar situations over the years have said to me. I hear over and over that boys tend to do better if they are older rather than younger when starting school. (It seems less clear-cut with girls.) I knew a couple moms who sent them on the younger side, only to have them repeat kindergarten because they struggled, and not necessarily academically. I have also heard of several moms who sent their sons as an older 5 or even 6, as their birthdays were late summer, and pretty much across the board they felt it had been better for their sons. They all felt their sons had a bit more of an edge as they were taller and further along socially, and were definitely more confident than they would have been otherwise. Obviously every kid is different, but if you're not sure, it might be good to err on the side of caution. Of all the moms I've had this conversation with, I only ever heard one mom express regret that they waited a year. This was a mom of a little girl who she believed was fully ready in every way, but the school made her wait as she missed the cut-off date by a few days. This mom always felt her daughter's experience was lacking because she was always ahead of her classmates in everything. But every other mom I've talked with was really glad they waited. No matter what you do in the end, though, follow your gut and I'm sure it will be fine. Good luck with your decision!

I would say if you're not sure then hold him back. Especially with boys. They aren't always ready. My son was just 5 and is completely academically ready for Kindergarten but he's doing fantastic in pre-K and I think it will help him in the long run. But, it's a ways away and your son might mature a lot in that time. I would evaluate it in a few months. You can even get him registered for Kindergarten and then if you decide to hold him back it's fine. Talk to his teachers, too, and see what they think. It's a tough decision, I know! My mom held me back one year, too, because socially I wasn't ready for Kindergarten at 5. I'm very glad she did that.

We were faced with this same decision many years ago. We had a son 11, a daughter 8, and a son just turning 5 in August. The two older ones really enjoyed school in Adams District 50. The oldest was so excited about going to school that he actually went to kindergarten two times. He was too young to enroll in our district but his (9 month older) cousin's teacher allowed him to attend private kindergarten with his cousin. He then enrolled in kindergarten in our district when he was old enough. He graduated and went to college. Our daughter loved preschool through college. The youngest was a pre-school dropout at 3 and it was downhill from there. He was OK for the first few months and then started to refuse to go. He just did not enjoy the experience and to this day we do not know what triggered it and neither does he. I was pregnant with him when my father died. I spent a lot of time helping my mother after that. When it was time to enroll the youngest in kindergarten, we told the school we did not think he was ready. He was a late bloomer and did not start talking consistently until he was 3. They reassured us that he would be just fine and insisted we enroll him against our better judgment. He had a loving and supporting teacher. He seemed to be OK at first although a little reluctant. He was learning and doing the work expected of him. He started having "stomach aches" and wanting to stay home. It usually happened on a Wednesday - the day my mother was off work. We realized that he wanted to be with her on those days. He started to be "sick" more often and wanted to stay home. We thought he would outgrow it. We encouraged him and helped all we could. His anxiety continued to get worse. We moved to CA for a couple of years. The problems escalated. The school sent him to a counselor who could find nothing wrong with him. He had a 2nd grade teacher who decided she should make a spectacle of him. She would force him to stand in front of the class and repeat everything she said and do other things to "straighten him out". She ridiculed him the entire time. We changed schools. By 3rd grade he was throwing tantrums even though he liked his teacher. I had to force him to get dressed. I had to carry him to the car and force him in. We would play the locked door game. By the time I could get it unlocked he would lock it again. Once we finally got to the school he would grab the steering wheel and hold on for dear life. After prying his fingers off the wheel, I had to carry him crying and screaming into the school. He would wrap his legs around the center door post. When we got to the class room, the teacher and I would have to push him through the doorway. She would block the door while I ran around to the exterior exit and watch so he wouldn't try to sneak out. Once he was in the classroom about 30 minutes he would settle down and stay. We had many consultations with the school officials. We were very concerned but they kept insisting that we had to do this. We moved back to CO and a new school in Arvada when he was entering 4th grade. We begged the school to let him enroll in 3rd grade. We felt he would be better off. No one would know that he was repeating a grade and it would give him a chance to be the oldest kid in the class instead of the youngest. We felt he would have an opportunity to mature and get caught up. They absolutely refused. Of course, you can imagine what happened. He struggled to keep up. They started to keep him after school and send special assignments home. We had many consultations. By the time he reached 7th grade they wanted to hold him back. We felt that would be a horrible time and would affect him even worse. He was allowed to go on to 7th. He struggled each year, ditched classes, did his homework but wouldn't turn it in, and generally hated school. By the time he was a senior with sophomore credits he decided that he would never graduate. He took it upon himself to go to the community college and make arrangements to take his GED. He went back the next day, took the test, and passed with flying colors. We were very proud of him. It was never a question of his intelligence or his ability to learn. He was a loving child and cooperative in every other way. He got along well with his family, siblings, and friends. He was dependable in all other aspects. School was just not his thing. He is now 39 and happily married with 2 daughters who love school. After being in management with other companies, he in the owner of his own successful business. He is intelligent, outgoing, and loving life. Each child and each circumstance is different. Looking back I would have allowed him to mature another year before entering kindergarten.

Best regards,
S. W.

Hi M.,
I do not have a son, but I wanted to give you my personal experience. My birthday is the end of August, and my parents sent me to school the year that I turned 5. I was ALWAYS the smallest, the shyest, and I had a difficult time in school, socially as well as mentally. If you can, it won't hurt to keep your son back an extra year, I wish my parents had. I was 17 when I graduated and could have used that extra year. Hope this helps.

T

I think that it is always best to wait for boys. My son was born in late May and I was really on the fence with him. Teachers said he was academically ready, and he was very big for his age. Having an education background, I decided that if I was wrong, he would always be the oldest biggest kid in the class. Had I decided to succumb to everyone else he would have struggeld all thru school. My sister in law sent her twins who had a July birthday. She always wished she had waited and even though they are now seniors, sees that another year waiting would have beneiftted them.

Wait, for all the reasons listed below.

Do you really want a 15/16 year old hanging out w/kids who've been driving a while, probably have a beard, can legally vote, etc when he's a senior in high school? Do you want to send him to college (or have him head off to the military) when he's barely 18? Or have him dating girls that are that much more mature?

Ok, that's a long ways off. Both of my kids are in this predicament. My son has an August b-day, my daughter a Sept. b-day. My son is now in 1st grade. We waited and it was absolutely the right decision, no question. He's little for his age, he wasn't ready socially, etc. it is really hard when you have a bright kid - he's reading at a 3rd/4th grade level right now, so he wouldn't have struggled academically, but oh, how he would have struggled in everything else, particularly because he's very small for his age. He's the 2nd shortest in the class, ahead of one girl, even though he's the oldest.

we are also waiting w/my daughter. she turned 5 this september and is in pre-k this year. Again, academically, she'd be fine (she's reading at a end of 1st grade level right now), but she wasn't ready. Much harder to make the call for her as her social skills are stronger and she's tall for her age. But, when we started preschool this year and she hid behind me despite the fact that she knew 3 of her classmates and both teachers, I knew we'd made the right call.

think through all the school years - beyond is he going to be bored in kindergarten? You can always supplement at home. and do the homework to find a pre-k that will challenge him. We are using a preschool called Kids Discovery Days (at 68th and Carr in the Methodist church) that has an incredible pre-k program for 4-5 year olds.

Also discuss this w/his preschool teacher - they typically have wonderful insight since they see the school behavior that you can't. For both of mine, their preschool teacher when they were 4 told us to wait.

don't rush your kid into growing up, let him just be a kid for as long as possible.

Good luck.

I think you should definitely send him to Kindergarten. If you keep him in pre-K he's going to be interacting with children much younger than himself and that's not going to help him mature. My son was 2 weeks shy of 3 when he started pre-K, you don't want your 5 year old son learning and interacting with 2, 3 and 4 year old. Kindergarten will put him with children closer to his age and maybe a little older. He needs to learn how to deal with these older bulling kids, not avoid them. You don't want him to deal with difficult situations his whole life by avoiding them. I think the older kids could learn a thing from your sons sweet, shy, forgiving nature. You can always repeat Kindergarten if you don't think he's matured enough to go to 1st grade...and you don't have to pay that pre-K tuition. I know how heartbreaking to watch your boy be pushed around but he's going to be okay and you should be thankful that he's not one of the bullys. He'll definitely go farther in life being the kind person that he is, not the bully.
Good luck, I hope this helps.

I will have the same dilemma since my son's birthday is in early Sept. He seems pretty bright and is big for his age. He started preschool this year while he was still 2. My aunt however gave me something to really think about. She said, "You don't want to send a 17 year old to college." Yikes! So, I think my son will go to preschool for 3 years. Good luck with your decision!

Hi M.,
I waited with my oldest son, his b-day is at the end of September. He is now in 4th grade and is doing very well. He seems to be more socially mature than some of the other boys his age and has always done very well. Now with my middle son we went ahead and sent him to kindergarten, he has an early July b-day, he wanted to go to kindergarten and was academically ready. However, the main reason we sent him, which I know is going to sound goofy is he was so big that most people thought he was already in 2nd grade. My husband and my mother talked me into sending him, telling me he was ready and (of course the idea of not having another year of preschool tuition was nice.) Now he is in 2nd grade and he is doing fine academcially and socially he has a few really good friends. However, I wish I had went with my gut and kept him back. I just see such a difference between the maturity level of the two and I really see my oldest as enjoying a lot more successes (more socially, but some academically). I also have rarely heard of anyone regretting waiting, however I know many people who regret sending them. I know this is a tough decision. If you want to talk further please feel free to contact me. Go with your gut and good luck!!!