Need Advice About Potty Training

we have some "prizes" that i bought at the dollar store that we give for successful potty. also if she stays dry ALL day she gets to put a special shape on the wall with her name and the day on it. (they are crown-shaped foam pieces, you could do rockets or dump trucks or stars or whatever) she has 5 of those so far, and we like to talk about them and she's so proud of her potty princess crowns that she's earned. stickers, balloons, little toys... it's helped a lot!

Sounds to me like a good, ole fashioned power struggle. He has correctly realized that you can not force him in anyway to pee or poop. So, I suggest giving up the power struggle. Tell him that he is big enough to be potty trained, but it is up to him to do it. And, he is big enough to take care of things if he decides not to. Tell him if he has accidents that he needs to get clean pants and go to the bathroom and put them on himself. I'd keep a small laundry basket just for his messed clothes in the bathroom for him. Then at the end of each day, he can carry them to the washer for you.

I think once he doesn't feel like he is fighting you, he'll just do it.

I used M & M's 2 for pee, and 4 for poop. It worked great with my son, until he started only peeing a little at a time so he could go more and get more, but it did work. I phased it out after a whole month without any accidents. Good luck.

C.,

Okay, someone here on mamasource said try putting blue food coloring into ice cubes and throw a couple into the bowl to "change to green" when he has to go.
I've also heard of letting him do target practice with a handful of cheerios.
Gross, huh? But to a three year old, F. U. N.
I know this is frustrating, but it will happen. I know you don't believe it, but it will. My little girl didn't get it until she was 3 1/2. I felt like pulling my hair out. It just didn't make sense. I felt like every time I talked to her and reasoned with her about potty training, I must have been speaking a foriegn language.
I finally took away ALL television and used it to bargain with. She got a green TV ticket for one half hour of TV time for tinkling, a red DVD ticket for pooping. I even bought some second hand DVDs to insure success. She couldn't watch them for two weeks because she kept pooping in her pull up.

I promise it will happen. Don't give up. Don't go back to pullups or diapers if you've taken them away. Try keeping him in loose jams or boxers and keep him outside as much as possible (lol)

Good luck,
J.

This may sound a bit strange but it worked for a friend of mine. She bought her son some Scooby Doo unders and told him that if he messed on Scooby that he might bite his bottom! He trained really easy after that. Not sure if I would recommend this but it worked for her and if you're looking for last ditch ideas, here you go. Good luck, Shannon G.
PS. I have a 22 mo. old so I will no doubt be looking for advice myself soon. My oldest is 9 so it's been a while since I've done this. Once you get it all figured out, be watchin for my post of despair!

It seemed to take forever with my daughter, too. She loves movies, but we were really reluctant to "reward" her with a movie. (We don't have cable, so a movie is about the only "cartoon" that she gets.) How can we follow through if we have to head out the door? And, she's not going to watch a 2-hour movie for going potty! =) We tossed around the idea, but never did suggest it because of our hesitations. One day, she suggested it. My hubby & I looked at each other like "well...I guess this one time wouldn't hurt", so we did it. It totally worked for her. She got 15 minutes of a movie or whatever was appropriate. For the times we had to go out the door real fast, we promised her a viewing as soon as we could -- and we ALWAYS followed through on that promise.

I think the key is finding that magical "button" for your own child. And age/maturity, of course, but it sounds like your little guy is there. Good luck. This too shall pass! =)

I am not "for" rewards, but I was getting tired of changing diapers too. I think my ds was slightly older than 3yo. He wasn't feeling the love for pottying in the toilet. lol. I think he was slightly afraid of it. I tried really hard not to make a big deal of it. I mean, I KNEW he'd potty train eventually, and didn't want to pressure him if he wasn't actually ready. But I did want to encourage him, in case he was, kwim?
What I did, was I asked him if he wanted to have a sticker chart for peeing in the potty. He said he did, and I had him help me make it. He decorated it with stickers (everywhere but the actual chart part). When he pee'd (he started out sitting down, btw) he picked a sticker and put it on the chart.
He had stickers he could play with any time he wanted, but these particular stickers (which he picked out to designate as pottying stickers) were only for when he pottied.
When he didn't pee in the potty, I tried really hard not to show disappointment, and just waited until the next time.

He was potty trained really fast. I'm trying to think back, but I think we went through 3 charts (each 1 week) and for the entire last chart he was peeing in the potty every time. He hasn't had any accidents in the day since, and has only had 2 at night.

Imo, part of the reason it worked is because HE was a big part of the sticker chart. It was my idea, and I kinda set the parameters, but he was definitely part of it. He loved the idea of a sticker chart for peeing, and he put the stickers on, etc.

Good luck!

Hi C.,
I started potty training my son after I saw an episode on the Today show. It was called the "Booty Camp", by Wendy Sweeny. You can also look it up on line. But it is all about putting the child in control and making them be responsible. Basically all you do is put the child in underwear and put the potty in the room where the child is most of the time. Don't ask the child to use the potty. Allow them to make the decision when they need to go. If the child has an accident, he is responisble to clean up the mess and change himself. Of course, parents usually have to help with this part a little too. It sounds harsh to make them clean up the mess, but it really does work. I had my son potty trained within 1 week (pee and poop)after we started and this is the technique I used. We have had some accidents too though, but again, he is responsible for cleaning the mess and taking his underwear and shorts to the dirty clothes when this happens. It encourages the child to be responsible for their body and actions. Again, I was at first real reluctant, but it worked like a charm. Actually according to Wendy Sweeny, by choosing "Booty Camp" the child can be potty trained in less than 4 hours. Hope this is helpful and I wish you the best of luck!!!

I know you have tried everything under the sun and are getting very frustrated with this situation. I can promise you thinking about it makes me feel badly for you!!!
Have you tried taking him to the potty every 45 minutes and turning the water on low? Sit there with him and play patty cake or reading him a short story, one of those really short little books for about 5 minutes at a stretch until he does go? Reward him then and 45 minutes later go back? I know it sounds time consuming, and it is.
If he doesn't go in that amount of time then wash hands etc., and go on about your day. If he goes to the bathroom in his clothes between times and hasn't asked to go then make him help clean up the mess he has made and take away a privelege.
(I can't spell today, sigh). Have him give you some of the money he has received and put it in a jar where he can see it.
Just a suggestion, I don't know if it will work or not. But forcing him to wash out his own clothes, mop up the floor, help clean the carpet may take some of the fun of it for him and make him realize how much work is involved time he can't spend doing what he wants to do.

You know, I think they just decide to be potty trained when they're ready. It was tough with my son (now almost 4) and I think us pressuring him just made him stressed about it. When we eased up, all of a sudden he would go all by himself. He asked for "privacy." It was like he wanted it to be his decision.

Have you tried having your son clean up his own messes? Washing pants, floor and all?

What worked for my 3 yo was to make her clean herself up after accidents, including poopy ones with my supervision. Just an idea, hope you find something that works.

Try letting him sit in the wet pants and changing it himself. If he takes "control" over it, it may help. As far as pooping goes, that is usually alot harder. Sometimes when you act like you don't care, that's when they decide they want to do it. Put the ball in his court and let him be in control of his potty. It's sound weird, but if you think about it, you tell him when to eat, when to sleep, and when to do everything else. He is the only one who really knows when he needs to go. Good luck!

My son was sorta the same, the sticker chart did work for him, but I also made him change himself when he peed on his clothes. I kept all his shorts/pants in a lower drawer, along with his underwear and I made him responsible for changing his clothes and putting the other ones down the chute. He also lost a sticker on his chart. If he had an accident on the floor he had to help bring towels or whatever to clean it up. He did that a few days and then he made sure to make it there.

I am struggling with my daughter now who "starts" to go in her underwear and then runs to the potty. Just at our house because in public and in child care she never has even the start of an accident.

Good Luck!

My son finally got on board with potty training right after his third birthday. I finally found his ultimate prize for reward was marshmellows. He loves them and would do anything to get them. Maybe your son will tell you something that he really enjoys A LOT! Our son never did well with sticker charts, trinkets, etc either. I did go off on him when he pooped on his bedroom carpet and he never did it again, would go to the bathroom after that. Did you let your son pick out a potty seat (ie Diego or something fun?)?? I know you want to avoid buying diapers but when he's ready, its easy. Thats what worked for us! Good Luck!

My girls are two and a half and about two weeks ago it seems like it almost "clicked" and they started initiating the potty on their own.... we feel like we might be the lazy ones or too busy too... but with two kids and both working, there's never time. I went out and bought a kitchen timer about a month ago and set it for 1/2 hour. When it rings the girls would say "potty time" and i'd take them in and give them a chance, and when they were done (if they went or not), we'd start the "potty clock" for another 1/2 hour and repeat. Not sure if that will help, but my girls seemed to like it.

This may be only one mom's opinion, but punishing him will only humilate him. I'm sure that you don't want that. It is simply a power struggle. He knows what he's doing, but is at a point that it has to be his choice. Maybe, ask him if there is a toy he really wants, if he goes on his own for a week, he can have it. Keep a sticker chart and at the end of the week, let him see it. If he has an accident, clean it up & move on. No fuss. But, make a big to-do if he does go. Maybe, if you stop trying, he will start.

My son will be 3 in August as well and this may sound crazy, but I had to just give up and let my husband do the potty training. It turned out that our son was so excited about telling me he and daddy went potty (my husband would stand there and show him how to stand up and go) and after a few times he just decided he wanted to go. He still wears a pull up to bed because he has only been going 2 weeks but it worked for him.
I also have several friends that had the same issue until they let thier son pee on a tree. Something about going outside makes them so happy. We've only used it as a last resort when there wasn't a bathroom around in the woods but little boys love it.

hi, you just have to hang in there. i didnt think my boy was ever going to be potty trained. when he is ready it will happen. have you tried just letting him run around the house with out pants on? or letting him pee outside. my little man loves to pee off the porch(we live in the country). i wouldnt push him to hard, he's not even 3 yet. just let him go at his own pace, it will happen faster than you think. good luck, hope i helped a little.

Try making HIM change his clothes and clean up. It takes a lot longer. Remind him when he's cleaning himself up that he's missing play time. Also when he does go potty on the toiltet obviously the praise, but also remind him of how wuickly he gets to go back to the fun he was having. Plus you might want to see if it's easier to sit on the potty. There will be less missed attempts and it'll be a little less confusing, if he sees how you potty... we sit to poop...
As for the poop you have to watch for the signs, him runnning and hidding, standing super still and try to get him to go on the potty. You'll haver ot get the dirty clothes off but he needs to put the clean clothes on. The pooping is harder for children. I am not sure why, experts say "...they are leaving part of themselves behind and it is scarey for them..."
Goodluck!

Hi C.,
I understand your frustration, and you are right when you say that they do it when they are ready. Rushing and putting pressure on a child usually backfires. My daughter was "afraid of poop" long after she was peeing in the potty, so we put a diaper on her only when she told us she needed to poop. I talked to a nurse about this who said it was fine to let her do that, as otherwise she would hold it in for days, which is not healthy and can lead to a trip to the emergency room. As for peeing, she was 3 when she did it. Every couple of weeks, we would give it another try for a few days, and if she wasn't ready, we put the pull-ups back on and then tried again in a week or two. When she was ready, she just did it on her own, and it was hassle and stress free! Don't get into a battle of wills or all of those reward tricks. Videos and books may help get him thinking about it though, as might seeing another kid using the potty. Good luck!!

It is time to take control. He is old enough to learn discipline. How do you punish him? You need to start punishing him for going in his underpants. Tell him ahead of time what is going to happen if he continues,then follow through. Make him help in the cleanup. If he won't cooperate, sit him facing a corner or put him in his room (hopefully no TV) several hours. This may seem harsh, but punishment has to curtail the behavior. You could start with an hour in his room, then 2nd time 2 hours, etc. Eventually, he is going to get the picture. Make sure you arrange events that you can cancel if he does not cooperate- like say you'll go for ice cream in the evening if he does not go in his pants that day. THen, if he does, no ice cream.
Hope this helps. This is what I did with my kids for any behavior I wanted to change.

I hate to tell you this, but I have no idea. My older son was the same way. Nothing I did or didn't do helped. The worst part was that I knew he could do it b/c he would at times. The good news is that by the time he was 3, accidents were few and far between. And I know you aren't supposed to - so I'm sure a ton of people will rip into this - but when he was almost 3 and I was sure he could do it, I made him sit in a chair after he had an accident. Now, my little son is getting interested in the potty. I'm so tired of potty-ing that I don't know if I have it left in me to do it again.

My youngest son was also very difficult to potty train. It seemed that no matter what I did, it would work for a day or two and he would quicly lose interest. He didn't care if he wet himself either. I talked a lot about him turning 3 yr.s and how he would be such a big boy and use the potty then, etc. On his 3rd birthday, he decided on his own to use the potty. (I know this is no magic, but it sounds like your little guy is similar to mine. He clearly knew what to do but just chose not to). He just turned 4 last month and at 4 yrs., just started pooping on the toilet on his own (FINALLY!!). I had tried everything - from candy, to toys, to making him sit until he went (that was awful!), to points, talking, pointing out that his friends used the toilet, making him sit on the toilet for 5 mintues every hour (to hopefully get him used to the sensation of sitting), the list goes on. Again, he decided on his 4th birthday to use the toilet and has been doing it ever since. I guess for some kids they just need to decide for themselves.

PS My older two children were so easy (one boy and one girl). I trained both of them within one week at almost 2 1/2 years old. I think it has more to do with the kids and their personalities than anything we do as the parents!!
GOOD LUCK!! I know how frustrating it can be!

SAHM of 3 - girl 11, boy 7, boy 4.