Need Advice About 4 Year Old Having Accidents at Camp

I don't know if this is helpful, but even as an adult I still can't go to the bathroom if other people are milling about. At the office I will continue to make trips to the bathroom until I get it when it is empty. Maybe you child is just very self conscious? What to do about it? Sadly no clue what to tell you. I used the bathroom every day at 2AM for 3 years in college. My senior year thankfully I was in a quad with a semi private bathroom.

Hi G., Many children and adults try to wait until they get home because they feel more comfortable there. All the possibilities are true and also that he really does not want to go to camp. He may feel a little jealous that baby is home with you and he is not. It could just have been an accident! I guess you spoke to him. Is he signed up for the whole summer or just July? You might try going with him and checking out the bathrooms and let him know you understand. The summer will be over before you know it and hopefully he will like it better next year when your little one will be getting into everything. My best, Grandma Mary

The 8 - 4 day is reasonable, just like sending him to daycare for the day, so I don't think that's the issue. Thanks for adding that information to the posting. The dirty toilets and the extra kids hanging around could be the problem. My son is also four years old, and he likes to try before we leave in the morning and at night before bath time. This is by his choice, so that he isn't rushed at other times during the day. At his daycare, he is one of four kids who wait in line to use the bathroom at certain times. My suggestion is that you set up a way for your son to signal an adult to let them know that he needs to "sit". Then, only when the need arises, he could be escorted to the separate bathroom. Other bathroom processes could easily be done with the other kids around (and I don't think that you mentioned any problems in that area, anyway).

Another thought for the future... and I need to do this with my son, too... perhaps you can teach him how to build a nest with toilet paper on the seat. We girls need to know this for public bathroom use because we sit for everything, but the boys may need to know for those times when they can't wait and there are no clean bathroom options available. You got me thinking! Great question! :-)

Hi G.,
My twin daughter when they were as little as your son would NOT go into a bathroom that smelt or was filthy. Trust me -camp bathrooms can be awful! I would have to say that at that age he is not fooling around or being silly or playing! He probably can not breathe in there and is emotionally affected by that. It has happened to me too! I do not know what the answer is but 4 years old is very young to be expected to be at camp all day! Play school is just a few hours or just 2 hours a day! Possibly he is too young to be at camp speed all day anyway. I know my kids came first and I would investigate the problem and then fix it ASAP! Not everyone needs to go to the bathroom at the same time! What is that about? Are we raining Robots or children? I would look deeper into that day camp! They need the personnel to be able to take a child to the bathroom if it is far away from the others when ever they need it!!! That is my input here. Is he at an away camp? What is this "Letter" about? Do we realize how easily we tramatize out loved ones??? It does not take much and they have problems their whole lives...Good luck with finding the right solution.
God Bless the little children.

seems like the counselors aren't paying close attention to him, he may need privacy, and a clean toilet, which certainly seems reasonable to me, perhaps you could encourage the counselors to help him in that respect.

m

Dear G., I would get more information about the program and how the day is broken up. Most of the time the child will tell you if the program is geared for them. Children at that age can not tell in words but you can read their "soul". Some children are at the age of four to young to be "institutionalized" in a camp setting. Do not forget that camps are there as a business and time is money. Many times the children are short cut. My advise: go and observe for a day and see if you can put your selfe in the shoes of your boy. Love ,B.

I think I would make several supprise visits to the camp (mid-day)to check out the condition of the bathroom the children use....Maybe your son is right about it not being clean...

I had a similar problem with my daughter at the beginning of the school year. Every classroom in her school has both a boys and girls bathroom so I couldn't figure out why she was soiling her underwear. At first I calmly asked her why she didn't heed the "call" inside her body that something needed to get out. My girl is such a busy body who takes her playtime very seriously. After several episodes and an especially ugly evening where I lost my patience and screamed at her I went on the internet to see if I could find out how others handled this problem. I came upon the word: encompresis. It denotes the end result of a child's fearful holding on. After days or weeks of clenching the muscles to keep from going, the stool can become impacted. The muscles around the anus become stretched out to the point that "the signal to go" becomes muted. Any new stools that form are looser than the impacted blockage, so they slip around and out into the underwear undetected.
This could explain why your child was in the bathroom unaware that he had to go only 10 minutes before his accident.

Hi G.
Did you think your 4 year old was going to love camp all summer? Surely you went to the camp and checked it out. Was the bathroom dirty? Check it out now.
I have been to camps where they were dirty. I have been to camps where they were outhouses and everything in between. Lots of people can't go if they smell. Is that the issue? Check it out, and certainly don't dismiss what he is saying. Did someone else tell him they were dirty and now he is just scared to use them because we tell them to use paper,don't touch because they are dirty.
God bless you investigation.
K. SAHM for 38 years, homeschooled my college bound twins

I would guess that your son is in f/t daycare during the 'school' year since you work f/t outside your home. Is it the same facility or a new one? I guess my question is how much of a schedule change is it from his normal routine?
I also work f/t, and my kids have been in daycare and after school programs for their entire lives: but I know my 10yo and 5yo would have a hard time with a camp that they had to be bused to (daughter gets car sick all the time) and one where they are one in a huge 'pack' of kids (my son is adventurous but more of a tender heart-likes familiar ground).

Unfortunately, this may not be the right 'fit' for your little guy. He might need something smaller and more 'nurturing'.

Hope it all works out for you. As a working mom I know it is rough when your daycare choices are not working.

M.

check out the bathrooms when you drop him off.. to see how clean they are... or better yet.. check them at the end of the day. My son will not go to the bathroom at school in the restroom.. because by mid day.. it's dirty.. he instead goes to the nurse's office.. she has her own bathroom.. it works... good luck

I didn't realize a four-year old was old enough to go to camp. My youngest is four and I don't think he would do well at camp. Is this an all-day camp? This seems like a lot for a little guy. Maybe he is overwhelmed. Just a thought..

We have run into the whole dirty bathroom problem with my 10 year old in school. She holds it all day & then we end up at the e/r with either a UTI or a kidney infection. The doctors have stressed to her the importance of going to the bathroom but what really worked was explaining this to the nurse (eventhough Sami was pretty upset) and having her go down to the nurse's office. We also spoke w/her teacher to let him know that there r times that she can't wait for the next bathroom time. Good luck!

Someone below mentioned that her child uses the school nurse's office during the school year. Is there a camp nurse? Maybe a bathroom there is cleaner and private.

As I recall, camp bathrooms are gross - I don't blame him for not wanting to use them. Also, since he is only four (and not 8 or 9) perhaps the counselor can escort him to the bathroom at a separate time and stand guard outside the door while he goes. At four, they need to make special requests happen if it means meeting a child's need!

As for a poster telling you to keep him at home - I understand your need to send your 4 YO to camp for the summer. If you work full-time - it's your day care option. Plus I'm sure he's having lots of fun, getting outside, exercising and learning a lot.

When I taught school, it wasn't uncommon to have a first grader in my classroom have this problem every fall. Typically they were embarressed about the entire process and "going " with everyone else was embarressing or simply to busy for them to think about stopping to sit on the tolit. Worth checking out too to see if it is dirty or what exactly he means, as it also validates his oppinion. Good luck! I guess I don;t have any answers but have seen this problem ocurr before and it didn;t last all fall ;)

A four year old is too young to go to camp for the whole summer. When my brother divorced, he and his ex wife sent their son
my nephew to camp for the whole summer. He was traumatized and he is 35 now and recounts it as the worst time of his life.

Granted he is not your son, but 4 is still a toddler and has developement issues and most camps for sleep away begin at age 6.

Bring him home,

I went through this with my son, who is six, last year. We assumed he wouldn't stop what he was doing long enough to go to the bathroom, because that's always been his m/o when he was having a good time. We tried rewarding for no accidents, taking away things when he did have an accident. Finally we talked to the pediatrician, who ordered an abdominal X-ray. It turned out his lower intestine was impacted and he would lose control and have "leakage". I never suspected because he didn't have symptoms of constipation.

Could be emotional, could be physical, you never know.

Good luck.