Need Advice About 11 Year Old with Attitude

The more you fuss the more attitude she'll give. She is most likely experimenting with how far she can go beyond her childhood boundaries. Unfortunatly taking away privleges ususally only works for that moment. The most effective way that I've experienced is when she starts giving attitude, is to simply reply "I'm really sorry you are having a bad moment right now. Is there anything you'd like to talk about, or that I can do to help you." More than likely you'll get a "NO" answer. Ask her if she's sure there's nothing to talk about, and if she still says no, let it go until later in the day. Perhaps in the evening before she goes to sleep, you can try asking her again. She's never too old for that few moments at bedtime to let her know you love her and that you want to help her with anything she's worried about. They are all "little girls" at heart, even when they try to say they aren't.

Most importantly-- check yourself to make sure you are not giving her "attitude" either. It's very easy to pick up on their attitude, and use a mocking tone. Don't fall into that, it just makes things worse. Good luck and let me know how its going.

I think less is more with this kind of thing. Major punishments are overkill for attitude problems. If they have attitude they just shouldn't get what they want until they correct it. As she approaches teenhood you are probably going to have more of it. (Sounds like maybe your 14 year old didn't do it, however.)

Sounds like most of what you have been doing is correct. Just address the behavior briefly when it happens, with whatever consequence makes you happy at the time. Just don't make the consequence too big -- unless she really oversteps the boundaries.

I guess I missed the part where she has a bad behavior that you want to change, or it's not popping out at me from the other stuff.

When you say you basically want to change her attitude, does that mean you are trying to change her mind, or change a behavior pattern?

Because I'm reading it that she's angry, or she's apathetic.
She might be depressed if so.

11 is a hard year. She may be already menstruating and/or uncomfortable in her body and dealing with a lot of cruddy hormones making her internal self just a wreck. She may not have good coping skills yet to deal with how on edge she might feel. She may be really angry at everyone because she's not a little girl anymore, she's on the cusp of becoming aware of herself and all the changes she's about to undergo and she's scared, and she might either want to hide more or stand out more. Depending on the context or situation, you might have a very different little girl/soon- to-be-young lady.

She actually sounds pretty normal, you know? Grab her and hug her next time, and give her a big smooch on the forehead and tell her you love her no matter how crappy she feels right then and there, but she shouldn't take it out on you. Then, forget about it.

Good luck!!

If you like reading, I've got a great book that might help you. I'm now reading it the second time and implementing some of its advice, and I think it's going to work for my two kids (5 and 6 years old). You might be able to find it in the library. It's "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...In You and Your Kids" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.

The idea of the book is that there is a difference between honor and obedience. And that we should help our children develop honor, which involves having a good attitude. One of the things it talks about is appealing to your child's conscience. You could sit her down (not necessarily in the middle of a conflict) and tell her what you've noticed about her attitude and how it will really help her in school/life/work if she could learn to control her attitude. There are many other things in the book you could use with older kids like yours. (I've been focusing on the ideas for yound kids, myself.)

Hope you find something that works. Good luck!