Need Advice!! - Skiatook,OK

I had this same problem with my daughter. She started in my bed then, a pallet on the floor. It really takes baby steps, you are doing the right thing, you can't just expect them to start sleeping in their own bed in their own room when they have always slept with mom and dad. Once my daughter was on the floor, I started waiting until she would fall asleep and then put her in her own bed, if she woke up I told her she could sleep on the floor. She finally got to the point that she would go a few days a week without waking up in the middle of the night, I always told her how proud of her I was and how she was such a big girl. Eventually she would go to her own room and lay down to go to sleep. When we started this we would sit in her room with her until she would fall asleep, me and my husband would take turns reading, singing, rubbing her back, and stomach until she fell asleep. It will be a hard time of adjustment, but definatly well worth it. Please try this way, I feel that it is a good way to get them to adjust, I know it may not be as soon as you want but this way your children still feel secure throughout this transition. If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

I hope this doesn't come off as too rude... but, good luck w/ that. They're 4 and 5?!?

M., it's time for some tough love. Bottom line...

Put your foot down.

we did the sleep separation technique from Super Nanny with my youngest.
We initially sat beside his bed until he was asleep and each night we moved a body width away until we were out the door. He could only see the side of our face and hear his white noise machine. The key to this is No eye contact, no speaking to them. You're just a presence in the room. To avoid those late night wandering episodes we put up a gate in his door way. When the older boy does get up, he's usually wet and we don't talk to him we just take him back to his room and redress the bed by the light of the nightlight. Our only exception is when they have fevers, or there is a thunderstorm. Our room has no windows so we can lock out the storm pretty well.

To keep them in bed, I would suggest a bed time snack. It might help them sleep through the night. of course you could add a small nightlight or flashlights in their rooms as long as you make it clear that "this is their room and beds and you expect them to sleep there at night." A strict schedule of Bath, books, bedtime snack and bed would probably help. Staggering the bedtimes probably wouldn't work because they are in the same room but if you could separate them you could be insured that you are spending half an hour alone with each of them each night. Perhaps for the first month or so you could read a book about sleeping in their own rooms. You can check them out at the library. Even letting them fall asleep by the light of a special video could work as long as they are in their beds and stay there all night. Each night they wander into your room means no video or special activity the next night. The only exception is reading. You should read to each child a minimum of 20 minutes each night. My hubby handles this and the boys are much closer to him because of it.

Try to stay as emotionless as possible with this and get your husband involved in it.

In another post you said your marriage wasn't fulfilling and this could be part of the reason. The two of you are not alone in your own sanctuary and he's probably sleeping through your struggles to get them back in bed.

M. S.,

I would recommend you start watching the TV Shows Nanny 9-1-1 and Super Nanny. Both shows have a book about about parenting. Check at your local bookstore or library. Nanny 9-1-1 has covered this topic before on their show about getting kids to sleep in their own bed and getting them to stay there. Good luck!

A.

There is no secret; you just have to be consistent. You say it is impossible to get them to sleep in their beds, but I'm sure they've just learned that you'll give in. Kids are smart. Stick to your guns, even when you're tired, because it will pay off. Pick a few days to do it and go to sleep when they do so you will not be as tired when you have to get up in the night to put them back in bed. Stay in their room until they go to sleep.

what about when they wake up in the middle of the night and come to you, you go in and lie with them for a while until they fall asleep, then go back to your room. then you could slowly go through the transition...like go from sleeping in their bed with them, to lying on a pallet on the floor (i kmnow not too comfy! but just for a night or two!) then maybe just sitting in a chair in the doorway...until when they wake up you just go in and give them hugs and remind them that you're right in the next room if they need you. maybe even speak to them from the next room (i don't know how close this is) and let them know how close you are. this is just a thought. i know they are much older...but this is a similar thing that the baby whisperer or dr. sears would suggest for transitioning babies out of your bed. in stages, and always reminding them that you're there, that you love them, and that they're safe. i also want to say that THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHILDREN SLEEPING WITH YOU AT THIS AGE. don't be embarrassed that they have been! many many families co-sleep, and i am an advocate of it. my son just got to where he wasn't sleeping well in our bed, so we had to transition him out. it was really sad for my husband and me both. however, don't feel guilty if you need them sleeping in their own beds for any reason. if anything you do with your children is causing strife between you and your partner, or resentment towards your children...or simply not working well, then change it! you will be a better parent when you are 100% well mentally, spiritually, physically.

my son and daughter both had that problem and my fix with my daughter was to make her room how she wanted it and redecorate it to make it her own and let her help with the theme and the decorating with my son i simply put up blue christmas lights in his room like wall border and he was good

If you are in a habit or start one of lying next to them until they fall asleep, then they will expect you to be there if they wake up whether it is in the night or the morning. They will come find you, so you are not cutting out a behaviour pattern but rather supporting a habit. My recommendation is to have them pick out some non-noisy toy that is small that can sleep next to them. Have them pick it long before bed or you pick 2 for them to choose from. Also get each of them a sippy cup of water and tell them it is so they can have a drink in case they are thirsty in the night. They are so big that you are putting them in charge of their night drinks. Tell them only to drink a little if they are thirsty and encourage using the potty if necessary. Tell them they are going to sleep in their own beds and if they REALLY need anything (potty, they're sick) you and your hubby are just in the other room. However, they will still go back to their own beds. Refrain from tons of talking. Prior to the routine Take them to their window and show them the daylight and that "the sun is awake." Then at night take them to their window and show them "the sun is asleep" and it is dark. Tell them that they will sleep while the sun sleeps. When the sun is awake, then they can also get up. Don't show any sign at all that you feel bad because they will sense it and push that button as hard as they can to make you cave. Know that you are doing it for their own good and in all honesty everyone will sleep better. They obviously aren't getting enough sleep if they are waking to come be next to you and you aren't sleeping if they are sleeping with you.

Your post clearly indicates that you are all ready for a change. They can be trained in a week, but you must stay committed and strong. Be kind and loving and even tell them in words that you love them so much and will just be in the other room and you will see them when the sun wakes up. Make them say good night to you, hubby and each other. When they hear themselves say it, this will help it stick with them and help them have the confidence they need to be where they are...in their own beds. You may have to tend to them in the night the first couple of nights and they may revert back the 1st time one gets sick. Just remember 3 nights of caving recreates the habit. In the 1st couple of nights (or even anytime in the future they wake) you can ask what is the need (avoid "want" because at this time only a need should disrupt the night, not a whiny want - so establish this verbage with them.) After they tell you the need and it may be that they want to sleep with you. Tell them this is what they may want, but not what they need. Then tell them that it is now time they sleep in their own beds until the sun wakes up. Take them back to their beds, be firm and patient. Do not yell or show signs of frustration if possible. They will sense your confidence if you show this trait. Offer them one last hug and tell them you will see them when the sun wakes up and leave the room. You can do it just remain confident, calm and consistent. Good luck, God Bless and I hope they feel comforted by whatever technique you choose to get them in their own rooms...and I hope it works!

B. :)