Need Advice - Dayton,IN

I tend to be blunt when it comes to things like this, so if it were me, I would have told her kids to get thier seat belts on. No one rides in my vehicle, no matter what age, without thier seatbelt. I have a 15 year old step son, whos mother never made him wear his seat belt since about age 5, but in my car, he strapped it on every time. It's a matter of knowing who's going to let them get away with it. My son is only two, but he knows that he can only ride in his car seat and we have to wait to start the car until he is buckled. I know you want to keep this person as a friend, so I would either approach it in a phone coversation as like, hey I noticed the other day that you and the kids did not wear your seat belts, can we talk about this. OR next time you guys go somewhere together, just hop in the driver's seat and say "is everyone buckled in so we can leave" and make the coversation go from there. Let her know that you won't transport them with out proper restraints. You just might change how she feels about it in her own car when she sees it's the right thing to do, and by the way - IT'S THE LAW!

Hi J.,

This should be addressed immediately because children's lives are on the line including your child. It's very important that your friend knows the importance of wearing a seat belt. You could maybe ask her does she usually make her children wear a seatbelt and explain to her how dangerous that could be. You have to tell her without feelings bad about it, that you are not comfortable allowing your daughter to ride with her if wearing seat belts isn't something she enforces. Real friends care for their friend's children as if they were there on. You've only know her for a few weeks, so you might want to observe a little more about her, she might have other careless ways that you don't approve of. Hope this helps

M.

The best way to tell her is to be blunt and to the point about it. Let her know that you don't agree with that, and how dangerous it is that her children are not buckled up. Make sure that she knows that if she has your child or children that they MUST be buckled no matter what. As far as her letting the kids run wild. I don't let my children act that way either. I am pretty strict on them about this. It is just disrespectful. Just make sure that she knows and if anything that your children know that even though they are with her and she lets them do it, they aren't allowed to do it. How do you help moms work from home? I have been interested but can't really afford it, but would love it if i didn't have to pay for babysitting and i could actually drive them to school and be at home when they get out.

If you get caught in the car with an unrestrained child you are responsible too and may face charges. I would have been immediately turned off by the carseat problem and wouldn't have agreed to see her again. If you want to try and work it out you should tell her exactly how you feel. Maybe you could be a good influence or maybe she'll just get mad.

There are tons of other mom's out there to make friends with who would also be good company.

E.

Even though those are not your kids, you shouldn't just brush it off by saying "Thats fine if thats her choice" Seatbelts save lives and if their mother can't be resposible you as a mother should. I would have asked her to please buckle in the children and if she refused offer to stay home with the children. What mother would refuse though??

i want to know how old her kids are b/c it makes me upset if it is under the age that they should be in car seats but i know any child should be put in the right way.....i have this thing with my mom........she don't think that if you don't have enough room that you don't have to have them all in car seats or seat belts........but i told my mom the only way she is going to have my kids is if she put them in the right way and i only give her only some of the kids so i know she will be putting them in right......she only has a little car so i know she would try to put them all in there if she had them all....but i have 5 kids and i am to picky about the car seat thing......very picky............i hope the best of luck on that..........on the running wild thing.....my kids are very well in stores.......i don't like to be looked at b/c my child is acting out b/c of something i am not in controll of like jumping on thing etc... i tell them we don't do that...but if they are wild like staying near me in the mall than that is ok but i have 5 to handle when i go out but i keep them all together and try to not get looked at b/c you get looks so bad when you have 5 kids under the age of 5 and even if you have them very clean brand new clothes on or the hair is done or if they are not acting up it really sucks if you know what i mean but than you get the good things also but i hate the bad things and i am married and the kids are by me and my hubby what is so crazy and i didn't get married b/c of anyone of them and yeah you get asked all this and so on...........it sucks but some people are shocked how good that act also and i love the comments when people see the good things they do when it is all 5.......i hope this helps but i like to type sorry so long

I would make sure you sit down with you daughter and explain to her why she needs to buckle up. I would mention how you feel to your friend also, but in the future your daughter may be in another car with a negligent parent and if she knows she's supposed to be buckled in, then she'll insist/do it and ensure her saftey.

But be honest with your friend. And if she takes offense... well your little girls saftey is frankly more important.

I would just bring it all up in conversation, not focused on her but what you expect and hope for (behavior and safety) with your child.
Just because she is your friend doesn't mean that she every has to be with your daughter outside of your supervision. If you have these concerns, espcially the seat belt one, I wouldn't chose her as a go to person for child care.

Actually, that's not fine OR her choice, it's illegal. Express to her that you want to teach your daughter to obey the law and be safe and always expect her to have your daughter buckled in and for her and her kids to buckle up in your car. But, you are right, you can't really dictate what she does in her own car.
Good Luck:)

I have a friend who is the same way. I've let her know how safety conscious I am about carseats and dropped the subject- she has to make her own decisions. Check out the laws in your state- she may be breaking the law and is not only risking her children's safety, but a pricey ticket.

Because of differing opinions on carseats/seat belts, I wouldn't ride with her. We have a rule in our van- EVERYONE (even my MIL) wears their seatbelt and little ones are in a car seat/booster seat.

It sounds like you guys have very different parenting styles- whether or not you can handle that will determine if the friendship continues or fizzles out.

Good luck...

I know a lot of people are saying that you should approach her, but I'm telling you that I strongly disagree. I have a friend who has two out of control kids. You'd think that if you went to a person as a "friend" and were sensitive to their feelings and were just trying to help, that surely they would take it well. That's not the case when it comes to critiquing parenting skills though. I've had people tell my friend that her child has been hitting and pushing, and would politely ask her if they could come to a solution to the issue, and she literally got SUPER mad. She was saying that they had no right to "judge her as a mother" and she even said that maybe they were "just prejudice". I have thought over and over about trying to offer some advice on ways for her to control her children, but after seeing how she's reacted to other people, I've decided to not touch that subject with a 10 foot pole. I think that a lot of moms think that "kids will be kids", which is what I've heard her say. They don't see that the behavior portrayed by their own children is disruptive and needs to be controlled. So if you try and tell them when they're in such denial, they tend to automatically assume that you're trying to say they're a bad parent.

As far as the seatbelt goes, I would just say really cheerily to the kids, "okay! If your seatbelt's on say hooray!!" or something silly like that and then just turn around and ask if they have their seatbelts on yet when they don't answer. If you make it fun and not make it a "I make my children wear their seatbelts" or "if you ride in my car, I prefer you wear your seatbelts", then there's no way for it to be taken as an attack on them.

It's so tough, isn't it? When you see a friend of your's child acting way out of control? My friend will come to me and ask me advice on stuff, but then she doesn't ever apply it. Now, the only time we get together is at play areas or when it's just the two of us out for dinner. I don't invite her to my house anymore because her boy would knock drinks over, push my kids around, and just act plain crazy!!!

Hi J.. I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from on this issue! I am the same way. I have rules for my kids and expect that the same rules should apply no matter where they are or who they are with. It's know it's hard to find a way to approach her. If she is going to be taking your duaghter somewhere, you might just approach it by saying, please make sure she is buckled in. It is a rule that I have for her and it will make me feel better about her safety. You might even say your daughter has rules and those rules apply everywhere so that you can maintain consistency.

I hope that helps a little bit!