I have a co-worker that I've become sorta friends with. We're not close, we don't hang out or do things together really, just cordial. A few months ago she insisted that I take a large garbage bag full of clothes she didn't want anymore. I told her I really didn't need them, they were too small for me & honestly, I really didn't like her style of clothing and wouldn't wear them even if they did fit, although I didn't tell her that part but she pressed the issue & kept insisting I take them or she'd throw them out. Being the nice person that I am, relented & reluctantly accepted them. I completely forgot, however, to ask if she wanted them back if they didn't "fit" me & she never said anything to me about wanting them back but just in case, I waited a few days, a week I think, to see if she wanted them back...she said nothing, never brought it up again. Well after waiting & waiting for days, I decided to take them to donate for charity. They were in the way, not being used so why keep them, right? I really didn't stop to think to ask if she wanted me to return them to her before donating, I just took them to charity w/o asking, after all, she DID insist I take them & never said she wanted them back if they didn't fit. Plus, I really just didn't want them in the first place.
Well now, almost 2 months later, we got on the subject of clothes. She asked me if the clothes she gave me worked out for me, I said that no, they sure didn't. She then said for me to bring them back that she had another lady needing clothes & told the lady she'd get them from me. I didn't know how to tell her I'd already donated them. I now avoid her for fear that she may ask me to pay for them even though she never asked me to pay for them, I'm afraid she might since I didn't respect her enough to call her before donating.
So here's my dilemma...I want to come clean & tell her but she seems like the type of person that may expect compensation although that wasn't what happened in the first place. She NEVER asked me to pay her for them. She insisted that I take them after telling her I didn't need or really want them. She wanted me to take them or else she was going to throw them out. I would offer her money for them b/c it might be the right thing to do since she asked for them back, albeit 2 months later, but we are literally flat broke! That's no joke, we literally have NO money at all, much less to pay for clothes I feel I shouldn't have to pay for anyway.
I need advice on how to handle this situation. She's always asking me to come by & visit but I make an excuse to avoid going for fear she may ask why I didn't bring her clothes back. What do I do? What is a good way to tell her I donated them. I really, honestly don't think I owe her any money, if she asks for it, since she insisted that I take them & never said anything to me about 'buying them from her', she just gave them to me. Furthermore, she waited almost 2 months to tell me to bring them back. So, I need advice on how to tell her. I know straight out is the best way but also I don't want to disappoint her by not keeping the clothes (I didn't want in the first place). Thanks, in advance, to anyone who replies.
Thanks for the good replies. Just to clarify. She sprung this on me on my way out the door so I did feel a bit rushed to take them & I did honestly forget to ask if she wanted them back then it just always seem to slip my mind to ask her when I saw her at work since we're in different departments, I hardly saw her enough to remember when I did run into her. But y'all are right, I should've insisted she keep them in the first place & let her deal w/it but I am too much of a mouse when it comes to feeling like I have to help out someone. I appreciate all who replied. I just needed some words to put in my mouth. Sometimes I don't say things in the right way, so thanks!!
I would just tell her I am so sorry I didn't know you wanted the back and since they didn't work for me I donated them so that someone could get use out of them.
"Oh, Mary! When I saw that they didn't fit me, I donated them to XYZ.
I'm sorry. I never thought to ask if you wanted them back."
I have never given something away expecting it back. She shouldn't expect that you held on to them for two months.
Tell her the truth.
I had a friend give me baby boy clothes and then ask for them back after a year because her cousin was having a boy. A lot of them were not in great condition anymore and I didn't have all of the pieces. She was upset, I told her too bad. She should have told me they were on LOAN.
I would just say "oh thanks, I tried them but they didn't fit. Since you were just going to throw them away I went ahead and donated them."
If she presses that she wanted them back REMIND her she said she was going to throw them away.
She sounds weird, I wouldn't worry too much about it, it's her problem, not yours.
Sorry but I 'assumed' you didn't want them back so I donated them for you.
I have given many a bag of clothes away. Not ever did I expect someone to give them back to me. If they didn't work I expected them to be given to charity but if they used them for rags, well, they are not mine from the time they leave my hand. If she is this uptight about used clothes, you are right to avoid her!
Tell her what you've told us here.
The truth.
I hear it sets you free.
If she's disappointed, it's not your fault. You can't control her.
Once you give something away, it's no longer yours. Unless she told you "Please return them if they don't fit or you don't like them, as I have someone else who might be able to use them," she has no right to ask for them back. And if she had told you that, all this could have been avoided because you could have told her, "Let them have the clothes then. "
Just tell her the truth - they didn't fit, so you donated them to Goodwill (or whatever charity you sent them to). If she gets upset, tell her that you had no idea she would want them back, since she said that if you didn't take them, she was going to throw them out.
Absolutely do not let yourself get bullied into paying for them, especially as you didn't want them in the first place and only took them because she kept insisting.
If she gets pissed, she gets pissed. She'll either get over it or she won't. But at least you won't have to worry about her pushing more clothes on you.
What a shame that you didn't just say "Gee, I'm sorry, but you didn't tell me that you would ever want them back, so I donated them to charity." That's how you tell her.
If I were you, I'd wait til she asks again. Then screw up your courage and just SAY it. When she asks why you didn't tell her before, just tell her that it shocked you so much that she'd ask for something she gave AWAY, that you were too shocked to know what to say.
I can't imagine her having the gaul to ask you for money, but if she were to, just say "Excuse me? I don't think so" and walk away.
First of all, do NOT offer to pay her any money. Second of all, tell her that you donated them to xxx. Third of all, stop worrying about it - if she GAVE (not LOANED) you the clothes, then she has no right to ask for them back.
Next time you know to ask up front what to do with the items that won't work and to tell her when the subject comes up (not a week later) that they've already been donated.
Stop worrying about this. Tell her the clothes must have been mixed in with the ones going out to charity. As long as she knows they went to a needy person, she'll probably feel fine about it. She won't ask for money..but if she does be honest and say you had no idea she was going to charge you and you aren't able to pay.
tell her, "I'm sorry but I really tried them on and they just didn't fit. You seemed so anxious for me to take them I was sure you didn't want them back so when they didn't fit I waited a few weeks just in case you asked about them, but then I donated them. Sorry."
It makes it difficult since you didn't say anything right away (when she initially asked for them back). But you still have to tell her you gave them away.
Just tell her straight up: I'm sorry, you said you were going to throw them away, so when they didn't work for me, I donated them so someone would be able to use them.
Throw in the name of the charity you gave them to if you want. It's probably not as big a deal to her as it has become in your mind now. But if she is a kook, who knows? Just don't leave her hanging... she has another lady she was going to push them off on (or maybe who really needs them and shouldn't be left hanging thinking she is getting a bag of clothes).
You can tell her the truth. That works. You didn't hear back from her and donated them.
If you don't want to tell her the truth, you can tell her that they got mixed up in the donations pile and they were donated by accident...the half truth.
Don't worry about disappointing her. Just tell her the truth. Then you won't have to remember the lie or half-truth you told her and press on.
Good luck!
Tell you that when you looked for them and couldn't find them you discovered that your husband took them to the Salvation Army or Goodwill store with a bunch of other stuff. Tell her that you're so sorry.
If she asks for pay or anything just dismiss it as if she's kidding - "hahaha - you're such a kidder..." What you did you did out of good intent.
Good luck mama!
Here's the thing, you don't have a crystal ball. You have no idea how this woman will react so why try figuring it out? It's like the guy who won't even approach the girl across the room because he's already envisioned their whole relationship and how it will lead to their break up. Tell her what you did and know that you'll be able to handle her reaction, whatever that may be.
If you're right and she says she wants compensation, tell her she can take the tax deduction on the donation instead of you.
Avoiding her is not going to solve anything and will in fact only create more problems. Why compound the situation? I'm sure you are a strong woman. Tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may.
You weren't being nice by accepting them; you were being a doormat. You told her that you didn't want them, and she insisted that you take a whole big garbage bag of clothes that she didn't want for whatever reason? Did she leave them on your porch? Did she steal your keys and stuff them into your trunk? How do you not just leave it at "Thanks, I'm good"?
Anyway, now you tell her, "I donated them to people who could use them." If she gives you grief: "I told you that I didn't want them. When you insisted that I take them off your hands, I figured that you must have been done."
ETA: Oh, I forgot that you said that she threatened to throw them out if you didn't take them (which you should have let her do). You can throw in some, "You were going to throw them out, anyway," if you want.
Well, you are in a bit of a pickle for not coming clean to begin with! You really just need to tell her that you had tried them all on, and since she seemed to really want them to get some use, you decided to donate them to a charity. Let her know you didnt' want to burden her with trying to find somewhere else for them to go, and that's why you didn't offer them back to her.
I haven't read the other posts so I may be repeating but I would tell her I donated them. Tell her that you told her you didn't them and she insisted that you take them. She also stated that if you didn't take them she would donate them to charity. I would say since you had planned to donate them to charity I did it for you. You shouldn't feel bad. Some people are very pushy. Next time just say no and mean it. I know it's easier said than done when you can't say no to people but try it so that you don't have to face a situation like this.. Good Luck.
Mamazita said exactly what I was thinking. If she was threatening to throw them away if you didn't take them, then there wouldn't have even been a need to discuss with her what to do if they didn't fit or run it by her before donating (like others have said you should have done). If she freaks that you don't have them, just remind her that she was going to toss them anyway and you made sure they were being put to good use once you realized you couldn't use them yourself. Good luck!
I like the husband thought they were donations and gave them away idea. If she asks you for money tell her that you simply don't have it but to be happy that someone in need now has clothes.
You guys should have discussed what to do if they don't fit. Communication issue, big time. No, do not pay her and don't feel like you should. You should apologize for not telling her that they don't fit and ask if she wants them back before donating them though. You kind of messed up. She should be cool about it though because she never said, hey, if they don't fit, can you return them. No one did anything "wrong"...but it's an icky situation for sure.
She gave them to you and should not expect them back. Yes, it would have been nice to ask her before donating them, but not needed. Just tell her flat out you donated them and if she asks for money, tell her no. That buying them from her or giving them back was never part of the deal.
I'd just tell her they were too little and you knew someone that had a great need. You figured she'd feel okay with that since she was so kind to give them to you.
