Near 3 Yr Old Daughter Trouble Potty Training

Updated on January 19, 2009
J.L. asks from Jessup, PA
8 answers

My daughter will be three in March, and we have been trying to potty train her for a year (interrupted by a move and then a baby sisters birth). She does real well when she doesn't wear anything on her bottom half, but as soon as the panties or pull-up come on she doesn't care and wets/poops in her pants. We're beginning to get frustrated because we know she knows what to do, but how do we get her to consistantly do it?

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C.S.

answers from Scranton on

I used the 3 day method with my daughter and it worked great!! Actually, she was potty trained in 4 days but it was still worth every bit. If you would like the method email me at ____@____.com and I will send it to you. It's too big to email on here. :) Good luck!

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T.T.

answers from Philadelphia on

What if you just let her go at her own pace? There are a lot of professionals who say it's "potty learning" and not "potty training," and that the kids will learn on their own. Your daughter is resisting you for some reason. Perhaps if you had just let it go at some point, a year ago, she would have been "trained" on her own by now.

My daughter trained herself, totally on her own, at 16 months, but was in a pull-up at night for a while. My son, on the other hand, had no interest, until, one day, when he was 3 1/2, he decided he wanted nothing to do with pull-ups or diapers anymore, and that was it...one day in them, the next not, and he was dry 24/7. (We would offer the underwear, rewards, etc., from time to time, but never pushed and let him make the choices in this regard, per our pediatrician and any reading we had done on the subject back then.) Each kid has his or her own pace, physical, emotional or both, and pushing some kids will just make them push back and resist.

At some point, as she hits the 3s, etc., she may be embarrassed by the wetness, the smell, etc., and decide this is enough. Obviously, she can do it, physically. Now she just needs to get on board emotionally. Stickers, rewards, etc., may work, as suggested; personally, I just wouldn't try so hard and would let her come to it on her own, at her own pace.

Good luck!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi J.,
have you tried doing a sticker/reward chart to get her motivated? Maybe if there is something she really likes or collects, a "full" chart would mean she gets a prize?

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B.R.

answers from Reading on

J.

We just potty trained our daughter who is 2 1/2, at daycare they said that you need to ask them every hour or so and at some times forced them to sit on the potty and try to go. Within a week our daughter was fully potty trained for peeing and the poopy part just came on its own in about 3 weeks, we would show her where poopy went in the toliet and eventually one night she just went on her potty and did her thing and has not had an accident since. Good luck, the chart system does help too and rewards and recognition for doing a good job. We would give our daughter a food treat everytime she went potty and when she did poopy she got a toy.

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C.J.

answers from Harrisburg on

As Always denise called it! What are you doing when she pees and poops in her pants? This is a year now....oh my...are you accepting it as an accident or are you acknowledging it is on purpose? A chart is a great idea...my daughter charted a big girl room....in the process of finishing it....Strawberry room (very cute).

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J.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I had the exact problem with my son. Just back off awhile. Yes, she knows what to do and when to do it. She will potty train. I read ever book on potty training that I could find, but nothing worked. Just give her some time and do not push, because she will push back and win. Good Luck

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L.T.

answers from Philadelphia on

My daughter did the same thing. It takes time and patience. Charts are great. Remind her when she has an accident that she is becoming a big girl and that it is unacceptable. Does she associate an activity or thing with being a big girl? Something she wants to do that she can't until she is a big girl. Most of all have patience. She is still young, She will get there. As one pediatrician said "no child goes to college in a diaper"

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M.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I'm just finishing up potty training my third daughter, and honestly they are all different. This one pretty much trained herself. We put the potty out and let her sit on it and try sometimes and if she did pee or poop in the potty made a big deal about it - cheering, etc. But we really didn't do much actual training. Once she was very close and staying dry for long stretches, etc. I was a little more strict about making her try potty sometimes, but it really was all very smooth and she basically trained herself. Of course, she was easier than many.

My older two were much tougher - I think in part because they really didn't mind a wet (or even poopy) bottom nearly as much. For each, we had to use a different type of incentive. We've done stickers/charts, but my kids seem to lose interest pretty quickly. With my oldest we eventually went to money. I know it sounds awful, but it was something that meant something to her. So she got a dime if she peed in the potty and a dollar if she pooped in the potty. Then every few days or so we would take her to the dollar store to spend her loot. My mom used to tease we'd go broke if it kept up, but after a few weeks we just tapered off the money. She did love hearing her coins drop into her bank (we used a special princess bank I'd bought on clearance) and getting to buy stuff mommy always said no to.

With my second, it was honestly more about control than rewards. What ended up working for her (and we used it some with the third) was a timer. I would set the timer for an appropriate amount of time (30-60 minutes usually, depending on when I thought she'd have to go), and when the timer beeped it was time to go potty. We made a big deal about it being *her* potty timer and let her push the start/stop buttons, etc. and told her she was in charge of making sure she went and tried when the timer beeped. We still had to push sometimes, but overall this worked for her.

Looking back, it's nice if you can just introduce the idea and let the kid transition gradually in their own time, but I know this isn't always feasible. And you need to work with each kids' personality and what's important to them. Oh, we also found having loved ones send new panties was great - look, grandma sent you Dora panties, she knows you're a big girl, etc. - helped. Santa was delivery person for my youngest one's big girl panties! Good luck - it will happen and you soon won't remember the struggle.

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