Naughty Words, Bad Habits and Other Fun Things We Learn from Friends

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Your best response is to just say, "We don't say that---we say this." As for the bird, I'd say,"Don't do that, please. It's mean." Teaching kids about being "mean" and hurting others is very important, more so than it's "bad". That's such a broad word, it's meaningless to little ones, but they understanding hurting someone. The bigger the fuss you make, the more they want to see you fuss again, because it's powerful to be able to make mommy go ballistic, so stay calm and correct her.

I developed our own funny little language with the kids...
Had them help me find funny ways to say body parts, bad words, etc. I would say.... Noooo, Fart sounds too naughty and icky... how about if we call it being "in the game"... to this day, when my kids pass gas, they laugh and say... "I'm in the game"....
It kinda gives them a way of saying things how you want them to, but they think they made it up so they roll with it... and it gives you some funny family time...
I am also with the funny to not so funny stuff the dad said... some of the things I used to think were hilarious I now worry about my kids doing in there teen years and wonder if I should have stopped the previous behaviors...
Good Luck

There was a somewhat similar question yesterday.

Our son (almost 4) is picking-up some things from kids at day care and a few in the neighborhood.

We're with you - we don't say the word "fart" or "butt" - I guess I grew-up with those rules and find them a little crass, so we say "pass gas" and "bottom, read end or buns".

When our son says something, we correct him, ask where he learned it and tell him it's OK for someone else's Mommy & Daddy to have different rules, but these are our rules, and he needs to follow them.

We'll relax our rules as our kids get older and more mature, but I honestly believe our children are a direct reflection on us, and I don't want the impressions to be poor. I'm one of 3 sisters, we're all very different - I'm probably the least refined of the 3 of us, but once I became a parent, I really have made a concerted effort to change how I speak and refer to things.

Thank goodness we're still in the age of being able to spell things in front of our kids. Where I'm going to get myself into trouble is when I am driving and get frustrated with people. Right now, it's "Dumb dumb" if I need to say something, but I really don't want my kids thinking that name calling is appropriate either.

I feel you pain. I try to ignore it. My son will escalate the usage if he knows it bothers me.

(Right now we're living in a world of ballsacks, arm farting and things that suck.)
p.s. I do secretly admire the arm farting though, because I still can't do it! :-)

I'd pick and choose personally. The word fart doesn't bother me, but if you prefer toot then I would just tell her that you like the word toot better and correct her when she says fart instead.
As for the middle finger, even though she doesn't understand what it means, she needs to know that it's inappropriate. Tell her it's inappropriate a few times. And if she doesn't stop then I would probably use whatever punishment system you have in place (timeouts, taking toys away, etc). But it's only the stuff you feel strongest about that I would escalate like that. The rest I would just comment on as needed.
I personally just think it's all about picking your battles. Escalate the ones you feel are most critical and leave the rest alone.
Good luck!

I would not make a huge deal out of it because you are right it makes it a power issue and taboo, and if she is anything like my daughter will say/do it for the reaction. Currently we are on a body noise is funny kick thanks to school fun. It's been a bit of a challenge trying to remind her to be polite. Though excessive burping gets sent to a time out. As for words, I talked to my daughter about how words affect how people see you and how when we say bad words we are telling someone that we don't respect/ like them. She was really into Arthur when she picked up her first bad word and we were fortunate enough to see an episode that addressed saying a bad word. It worked pretty well. As for everyone else just blow it off if they get horrified. Kids are kids and all we can do is guild them and do our best as a parent and I am sure their kids aren't perfect. Though I do admit its hard sometimes to blow off the "perfect parent" but it does give you a good idea who has a sense of humor. As for fart, just remind her lets use toot its more fun to say. I've done that with my daughter, we've found appropriate words to use that are fun to say. Fiddlesticks flying frogs, crum bum ect... I had a tendency to be a sailor mouth before I had kids and now have a whole arsenal of kid friendly explicits when I burn myself in the kitchen. :-) Good luck

We are judged by the words we use and the words our children use. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Profanity (or vulgarity) is not a sign of intelligence. It's an indication of someone with a limited vocabulary, out of control.

I never use profanity and vuligarities. I don't use the bird. Neither does my wife and to the best of my knowledge none of my kids do. My youngest is 21 and my oldest is almost 36.

I accomplished this by burning the "garbage" out of the mouths of my children and letting them know that kind of language was NEVER acceptable. How? If they used inappropriate language, I would get a teaspoon out of the silver ware drawer. I'd fill the teaspoon with tobasco sauce and my kids would have to hold it in their mouths for 60 seconds. Then they could do what they wanted to with it. They all chose to spit it out. It didn't hurt much, but it made a lasting impression.

I did this from the very first time they used bad language.

It can be humorous to have a three year old put her hands on her hips and tell you, with a big frown on her face, "No Mommy!" I can guarentee you won't find it funny at all when she is a teenager. Its cute to let our little children swim nude in the kiddie pool. It won't be cute at all when she's a teenager and you come home to the sounds of a good time coming from your backyard pool and find no one is wearing a swimsuit.

The best time to conquer the bad language and bad gestures problem is now.

Good luck.

I understand not wanting to fuel the fire with poor behavior but I think as a society we tend to coddle our kids too much. It is critical that you let them know your expectations and right from wrong. It may be the harder route but if you don't lay down the law how are they going to learn it. I say you keep on her about poor behavior and that this is NOT ok.

Good luck.

Well, I can tell you what I do with our 4 y/o. So far it's only been words, but I'm sure he'll learn 'other' things soon enough.
Usually I get really serious, get down and make eye contact and tell him that he isn't old enough to say that. And yes, I also tell him that I'll let him know when he's old enough to say (whatever it was). The only time this backfired was with the word 'Christ'. He'd heard it (and used it) as an exclamation - and I had the talk with him. Nothing better than him coming home from Sunday school saying how he couldn't use the word from there. *sigh*
Good luck!

We've had this issue off and on. For some words (like fart) I've kinda let it slide. There are times/places they can't use potty language (like at the dinner table) but some of it is inevitable. Especially with boys, LOL.

However, when my kids have picked up a swear word, I have been much more firm (recently my first grader learned the f-word and thought it was funny for the reaction - yikes!). What I've done in this case is calmly tell them that that word is not acceptable. It's just not something we say, we have higher standards than that. I had to remind him a couple of times but I haven't heard it much since (hopefully he's not using it elsewhere). I know exactly where he learned it and if it continues, he won't be able to play with that 'friend' anymore.
Even though your girls are younger, you can start the same principle. Just calmly say "we don't use that word, ever." But you MUST stay calm. Kids use naughty words for the effect they create, so if you act at all shocked it will just feed it. Just remind her "we don't use that word." Then maybe brainstorm another word she can use. And if it continues, a short time out (immidiately after the word comes out of her mouth) can let her know you're serious. Your 2yo is a bit young to understand, but she will likely pick up the behavior from her sister. Siblings do a good job of policing each other, even if it does become tattling. (Some kids use the words because they hear them all the time, like the 'friend' my son hangs around with - I don't doubt he learned it from hearing parents etc all the time. It may be helpful to limit your daughter's exposure to a child who constantly uses or encourages use of unacceptable language)

Just make a decision quickly about what you can live with, at least in certain situations, and what is absolutely not okay. That way you won't be changing midstream and causing more confusion.

My kids are a lot older, but I tend to phrase things like, "That is something that will get you sent to the office at school, and will make people think you are a bad kid"---in other words if I am personally not feeling strongly about it but worried about other people's reactions, I let them know the reality of the situation.
It is hard to explain to a 4 year old, but if you are putting the reactions on OTHER people, maybe she will be less tempted to use these behaviors to get a rise out of you. I think kids are more afraid to try things out with strangers, because they are less predictable than parents!