Nap/Quite Time at Pre-School

Some kids are not nappers. They should give him something to do at naptime. If they can't,might be time for a new preschool/daycare.

While I agree that some kids are just not great nappers, this really has nothing to do with sleep.This is a power struggle. Your little guy has figured out how to be in charge, both at home and at schoool. He slept for a while at school at first because he wasn't sure what to expect if he defied the rules of this new person(teacher), but soon felt comfortable enough to give it a try, and just like at home he won. Even if he doesn't want/need sleep he does need to follow the rules of rest/quiet time, just like all the other rules in life.

Screaming and crying until he gets his way is a temper tantrum. "I don't want to do this, and you can't make me!!" The solution will have to start at home since, as you say, the teacher has several other kids to consider and can not be expected to be soley responsible for teaching your little one rest time discipline. You are just going to have to be more stubborn than he (difficult I know, but way worth it!). He should be able to rest quietly (maybe with a book, but no toys) for at least one hour. Set the expectation and follow through on consequences for not obeying. Since the pattern of winning against the adults is well established at this point, it will take some time to create the new habit, but really you must win this. What will it be like to have a 12yr old that thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules you and/or his teachers set?

Please understand, I am not saying you are a 'bad mother' in any way. You are just a little off track in this one area. Recognizing that something is not right here and asking for advice make you a wonderful mother! Good luck!

K.,
I know every school and staff is different, but at my daughter's preschool the director would actually help out with situations like this. She would often have a child sit with her in her office, she would talk to him or her, read to them or allow them to do a quiet activity while the rest of the children napped. I am a firm believer that teachers/staff must go the extra mile to help children adjust to new environments, sometimes they take the easy road, by calling parents to rescue them from dealing with challenges. It's their job to deal with these challenges and work with you to help resolve them. If they keep calling you to pick him up, he will never learn the routine of nap/quite time. My advice is that you strongly advocate for your son, no one knows his needs better than you do.

We had a similar situation with our daughter when she started preschool this year. She was 2 years, 3 months at the time. Like your son, she knew that if she screamed and cried long enough, they'd call me to come get her. (Although unlike your son, my daughter has always been a good sleeper at home - to bed at 7:30pm, and naps 2 hours usually. She is/was a BabyWise baby, so I'm big into sleep and eat routines.)

So... I met with the teacher and told her that I view the discipline of my child while in her care, to be her job. In other words, don't call me because you refuse to deal with her! My daughter is extremely strong-willed at home too, but we do not have discipline issues because she knows exactly what's going to happen if she tests the rules. We're very consistent and so it's not rewarding for her to test us all the time. Anyhow, once I told the teacher that being lazy was not going to resolve this problem, she began stepping up and found some creative ways to get my daughter to lay down during naptime. First, they moved her cot to a different area, away from the other children. They let her take a small toy with her, and she could keep it as long as she was quiet. She had to lay there at least one hour.

This whole phase lasted about 2 months with her. Finally she realized that none of the adults were going to bend, and she began sleeping during naptime. She has not had problems for the rest of the year. In fact sometimes I have to wake her up when I come to pick her up!

Sometimes with little ones, they need to see that as determined as they are, you (and their teachers) are more determined! I also think children are more secure when they know the adults have a plan for them, and the adults will insist on following through with the plan. Of course they test you like crazy, but they actually feel better and more secure when you win. Personally, I feel naptime is crucial to my child's happiness and development, so I felt like this was one battle I had to win.

Hi Kristen,
In addition to the sleep advice you've gotten, you could try some incentives for just being quiet during nap time. Give him some books or other quiet activities that he can do and then try some rewards for staying quiet. We started a "good job" sticker paper at our house and our son would get a sticker for good behavior. Two hours is a long time, so perhaps he could have a sticker for every 30 minutes of quiet activity. It does not solve the problem of getting enough sleep, but it may help with the disruptive behavior. And who knows, if he lets himself be quiet he may actually fall asleep. My son used to listen to stories on tape during quiet time. Would your pre-school permit that?
Good luck!

There definitely seems to be a power struggle here, not surprising since he's testing out a new environment. First, if you do have to take him home I would enforce the nap time there (and if the school allows) and then take him back once nap time is over. He may stop if he realizes that no matter what nap time will happen. Also I agree that it should be emphasized that he must be quiet during that time even if he's not tired and give him some quiet activity, like reading or drawing to do while he waits. Even calling it quiet time may help instead of the dreaded "n" word (my daughter goes ballistic the minute it's uttered but not so much with quiet time). Some kind of timer might help him be patient waiting for the time to go by (as time does seem to come to a stand still for the small ones).
Personally, it sounds like you have a very bright boy who has figured out how to play his teachers LOL. They also need to help with this by rewarding the quiet behavior and making sure he understands that tired or not other kids are sleeping so he must at the very least be quiet. If all the adults ban together on this one you can make it work. They may even have to try not having you remove him for say, a week, to see if that might break his screaming. Then again, if none of this works perhaps you'll need to find a better school that he actually likes and that will work with him. At that point though, make sure they know about the problem so the first time it surfaces the teacher can remove him from the area to a "quiet zone" (time out) and inform him that Mommy said she won't come to pick him up until it's time to go home just because he's being loud. Also pointing out that the other kids will be angry with his behavior and won't want to play with him if he continues may help.

If an earlier bedtime doesn't help, you might just go to pick him up at 12. Since you end up going to get him anyway, pick him up before the struggle starts. It will be easier for all of you and instead of picking him up when he is mad and and you and the teachers are frustrated, his day at school will end on a happy note. Good luck.

My son (now 6) stopped napping at home before he was two years old. He went from three hour afternoon naps to nothing, seemingly overnight. He would still nap on the 3 days a week he went to a family daycare while I was at work, but no dice at home. He continued to nap only in preschool when he attended there. Some kids just don't need it, or make it up at night.

I think that most kids will nap at preschool, even if they are not big nappers, because of the peer pressure and the institutional environment. Plus, it makes the time away from Mom go faster! That doesn't apply to your little guy, though. In my experience, once a kid stops napping in a specific context, that's it -- they aren't going back.

In your case, the teacher's willingness to call you to pick him up is probably reinforcing the idea for him that he should NOT cooperate-- it gets him what he wants. I am surprised that the preschool is not more flexible about moving him into a "no nap" group -- I understand ratios, but children change, the population of the preschool changes, and the preschool should adjust. The preschool my son attended had a separate program with a dedicated teacher for 'no nap' children during nap time. I would pursue either a change to 'no-nap' status with the preschool or look for a new preschool with more flexibility.

J.

Dear K.,
Neither of my two kids were nappers either. But, they slept all night, which was wonderful! There were times I was tired and wanted to have a little rest. Or they were sick and grouchy and needed a nap...but the minute I said nap, the would fight it. You will have to start working with him on weekends. If you can....I know it's hard for busy families. But if you can, at about the time they have nap time at school.....tell him it's "rest" time. And everybody that's home lay down for a rest. What worked for my kids was telling them that they didn't have to go to sleep. They just needed to be still and quiet. Sometimes I would say...."Shhhhh....mommy's going nigh nigh." And I would pretend to go to sleep. The other thing that worked sometimes was to tell them they only had to lay down, but I did not WANT them to go to sleep. NO sleeping. Only being quiet. They could look at a book or snuggle a toy. But no sleeping and no talking.
You cannot force a child to sleep. You will just have to get him in the habit of having rest time or quiet time. When everyone else is nigh night, you have to at least be quiet. And then reward him for doing so.
You can't go racing every time he screams because that starts a pattern you don't want to have to deal with later.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hi K.,
You didn't say what time he goes to bed at night. I L. the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth to understand biological sleep rhythms and how to sync your child's rhythms with naps and bedtimes. A lot of the time poor napping habits can be because of too late a bedtime. When my daughter was that age (will be 3 in July) she napped once a day for about an hour and was asleep at night by 6:30-7pm. She wakes up between 6:30-7am every day. If your son's bedtime is later than say 7pm, try moving it earlier so he will be better rested in the morning and able to nap around 12pm. Most 2 yr olds need 12+ hour of sleep at night. If he is becoming overtired it will be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for him to fall asleep at naptime. If you want more info on Dr. Weissbluth's methods, email me.
Sincerely,
L.

I would think that you'd have to have a consequence on the days you have to pick him up for this reason. Something he dislikes enough that it will discourage the behavior. That must be hard, I'm sorry. My daughter didn't need the nap time anyway, but she would lay down and rest without bugging the other kids. Good luck! C.

Hi K.,
When my son stopped napping at 11 months and we were dealing with the stroller ride stuff, I called his pediatrician's office for the names of some ped sleep experts in the area. The woman I called didn't even charge me because we were making mistakes that were so easy to remedy (we were over-soothing him, etc.). The first day we followed all her advice, he napped. BTW, I second the advice re: the Weissbluth book -- total life saver. He runs (ran?) the sleep clinic at U Chicago med center. Preschool is tricky because there are all the other kids around, but you might be able to remedy the school situation if you fix the one at home. If he is used to screaming and being rewarded with a stroller ride, you cannot really expect him to know how to nap differently at school. Trust me, I understand why you started the stroller thing; we did too. Unfortunately it ends up making matters worse. The Weissbluth book has stats on hours of sleep, naps, etc., for kids of different ages, and the overwhelming majority of 2 yr-olds take an afternoon nap. Also, what a previous poster said about bedtime is so true. An overtired child has a much harder time taking a nap because his adrenaline has kicked in. An earlier bedtime can actually make it easier for him to take a nap. Also, most kids will not wake any earlier. You just want to be sure to adjust bedtime slowly -- about 15-20 minutes at a time for a few days and then another adjustment. I hope some of this helps.
K.

Hi, your son may not want to take a nap, no kid really does but you have to get control of the situation. We call it rest time! This is the time when you have to lay down and be quiet. There is no ands ifs or buts. Whatever your form of discipline is, then is the time to use it. You are letting him run the show and that is a major problem these days, in my opinion. Parenting is not easy but we must teach them or they will have no self discipline later.
Mom of three amazing and happy kids.

HI K.,
I knoww what you are going through. My son started at Kindercare in March and goes 2 half days and has nothing to do with napping at school. The first day i went to pick him up he was screaming to the point of exhaustion. I was really upset. Not to menation he won't eat lunch provided to him. I finally took him to see his dr after 5 weeks of this to rule out anything since he has a very different behavior at home. Calm and peaceful. I just hated to pick him up from school wondering what took place this time around. His dr told me the school needs to keep in mind he is only 2.5yrs. He is still a toddler. He is very active and advanced for his age falls in the 97% tile for weight and height so the school expects more from him thinking he is older beceause he appears older but still the mind of a toddler. My son sleeps great at home. The school now lets him sit with books in the corner quiet time not to wake up the other children. One other thing I realized is most of the kids in the program with my son are there full time and are a little older then my son and they are down for naps. While they are trying to get my son to nap and Im picking him up at 12:30 and is ony at school for 4 hours. Im sure the kids there full time need a nap. My son now is up with another child that is only there half days as well. I found out that many schools don't offer toddler programs/jr preschool because of these kinds of issues and its challenging working with 2 year olds. Kindercare is a great school its just an adjustment for everyone. Just find the right school for your son. My son sometimes takes naps at home depending on what time he got up and what kind of night he had. I know a lot of kids that skip naps after 2. Its frustrating. Hang in there. It will get better.

SAHM, 2.5yr son and baby due in July. Marrried to a wonderful man in 2004.