Nanny, What Is Appropriate

Yuck. I have a best friend from college days who is like this and so is her husband. Anytime you go over there it seems every single dish in the house is dirty and stacked up in the kitchen. It's really gross. They both don't put things away either and their house is very cluttered. They have 2 kids. When they need to cook and every single thing is dirty they either clear a small space by washing what they need or they do a big dish washing event. I don't know how they live this way. They both say they are just messy and they both grew up in messy households. In my opinion you are not there to clean...you are only there to be a Nanny and if you clean up the kitchen that is time taken away from being with the kids. I feel bad for you...that must be annoying. Good luck.

It's apparently something they expect you to continue to do since you started doing it.
What would happen if you stopped cleaning?
There's no way you can politely tell them what is and isn't in your job description.
They feel that they get to define what that is.
Rather than try to either get them to clean up after themselves or pay you for maid/housekeeper duty in addition to nanny duty if I were you I would stop cleaning and look for a new job.
After you land a new job and you give notice you simply tell them you did not feel like it was a good fit for you.
Next time - in your contract be sure to have it written out exactly what your duties are so there are no ambiguities and everyone understands what is and isn't your job.

I'm not so sure that cleaning is something they expect you to do - from what you describe, the mess is just "how they live"! Has their home always been so messy while you've been there? Maybe recently they have been working longer hours, something like that.

I think it might be worth talking to them, since you say there is a longterm relationship. Maybe say: "In the past few months I've felt like I need to do a fair amount of cleaning up to even do basic things with the kids. Have you considered getting a housekeeper?" See what they say.

If it doesn't change, you should look for a new job.

It's ok to ask what your responsibilities are if you are not sure. When I have babysitters, I make it clear that I expect them to clean up any messes that they make (them being my kids, under the sitter's supervision). I expect to come home to a house that looks basically how I left it - not worse, but not better either. Assuming that cleaning is not part of what they expect from you in your job duties, then don't do it (do just enough of the dishes so that whatever you need to cook/serve lunch is clean, and leave the rest how you found it).

But I don't think that you can pass judgement on/change how they live. Some people are messier than others and if you can't live with the amount of dirt that they think is acceptable on a daily basis, then you may need to look for a position with someone else who is a better fit. Otherwise, it will be a constant irritant to you.

I used to tidy up during the day when I babysat/nannied if the kids were napping, just to help my moms - nothing major (I never cleaned stoves or bathrooms) but I'd 'tidy' - but we're talking minimal and I'd clean up any dishes we (myself and kids) used.

Personally - I'd look for another job - one with a family whose lifestyle/manner fits/suits you better. If you're to nanny in someone's home, it's got to be a place you are comfortable.

I did notice from your previous question that you felt uncomfortable approaching a mom from your daycare about asking for adequate payment from her. I get it - confrontation is never easy. So you could approach it this way "Just wanted to be clear, I'm not expected to do cleaning am I? Not to be rude, I just noticed that I'm being left with the dishes, etc. and I wasn't sure if you're intending for me to do the washing up. I didn't want to leave them and have you think I was shirking my duties.." kind of thing.

Good luck :)

ETA: I wish we had a tab where we keep really good advice, by topic. This should go in it

From Suz "your employers shouldn't make you guess what your duties are. you shouldn't make them guess about how much you're willing to do for whatever you're being paid.
sometimes you just have to suck it up and have a frank conversation. if you have good manners, you don't have to be hateful about it."

I’m sorry, but the problem is that you didn’t make things clear with them the first day they left this mess for you. Instead, you let it continue.

The only thing that you can do is tell them that they think they hired a maid and a nanny in one person and one salary.

Gotta talk to them and let the chips fall where they may. I think that you will decide to find a new job. And you will make clear what your job will and will not include before taking the job so it doesn’t happen again.

Hi there, sorry you are in such a messy situation! I too am a nanny of 2 under 3yrs of age, and have been a nanny for over 6 years.
I have a similar situation, where the family I work for are a bit messy and seem to not clean up after the kids or themselves. The kitchen counters always have sugar stuck to them and coffee spots. The stove is messy, and if lets say I forget to put a toy away when I leave, better bet it is there the next morning. They have me 40 hrs and another nanny part time until 8pm and extended care from grandparents. The parents have hectic work schedules but c'mon! You do need to have a written contract that makes it clear what their expectations are and what you agree to. They are clearly taking advantage of you! Nannies all have to put child care as top priority and no one can spend enough quality time with kids in their care if they are constantly cleaning!
I am to do what involves the kids such as their laundry, bedding, cleaning up toys and dishes we used. They also specified that 2x a week when I just have the baby, during his nap I unload their dishwasher.
But I do more cause I choose too but they have never asked me to do those things. They have a housecleaner who comes once a week anyway.
All in all you need clear communication between the parents and yourself. I agree with the person who said you should tell them you need to come an hour earlier to be able to keep up with cleaning after their mess. If this would be overtime pay, they may then realize they need to make a change, etc.
I hope you do talk with them about how you feel. I know they are close to you, but they should be even more receptive to how you feel and your needs. Best of luck to ya!

That’s horrible. I’ve had nannies for 14 years and as the kids got older, putting away washed dinner dishes became part of job description. And emptying dishwasher. All disclosed as part of job. And even then I feel guilty and often do myself. I so rarely leave one dirty dish in sink. So I think I might say to them you need to come an hour or half hour earlier to clean up (and of course they pay you.) If it’s so bad you can’t make breakfast for the kids, basically say that. Or - push stuff aside and make something for the kids and just leave it all. If they say something, you can discuss it then. Or you may have to find another job. But sounds like they won’t stop so you just have to manage what you are willing to do etc. What they are doing is not appropriate unless they had put it in the job description.

do you not have a contract that spells out your duties? you say you don't 'feel' you're there to clean. that signals to me that your arrangement is far too fuzzy.

it's not hateful to be courteous and clear about your expectations. you don't have to present it as 'clean up, you pigs.' how about if you just stop cleaning?

you've set yourself up to disappoint them since, apparently without agreement or instruction to do so, you 'cleaned it all to perfection' early on. so now you have to face it- you either need to have a conversation with them (preferable by far) or educate them through your actions (or in this case, non-action.)

if you need to make a meal for the children, clear a small space on the countertop, wash exactly as many dishes as you need to prepare a simple meal, and clean only them when you're through.

take sanitary wipes into the bathroom so you can have an appropriate seat on the commode and de-gunked sink to use, but don't clean beyond what you have to touch.

it would help a lot to know just what the agreement was, even if it was only verbal.

it would help even more to have a calm, non-accusatory, clear conversation with your employers so everyone knows where everyone else is coming from.

if they want you to clean and are willing to pay you more to do so, is it something you'd consider?

we had a nanny after our mom died when i was a kid. her contract spelled out clearly that she was only expected to do 'light housekeeping' and only that which directly related to child care. since my dad had never cleaned a thing in his life, he did leave it all to her, and she did do it. later, after they were married, they laughed about how badly she was taken advantage of, but in retrospect it wasn't funny at all.

your employers shouldn't make you guess what your duties are. you shouldn't make them guess about how much you're willing to do for whatever you're being paid.

sometimes you just have to suck it up and have a frank conversation. if you have good manners, you don't have to be hateful about it.

khairete
S.

It’s not your responsibility to be the maid. You are the Nanny. They can hire a maid. They clearly don’t respect you to make you work in these conditions. They got used to you cleaning. Look for a new gig.

You can print out ads for a house cleaning service and leave it where they will see it.

Bring some paper plates, spoons forks and only use that..feed kids on napkins. Don’t clean a dish, leave the disaster of dishes in the sink.

It would be horrible if something happen to their kids in your care as a nanny because you are distracted doing maid duties. Seems like a dangerous distraction where you would be held responsible.

what are your responsibilities for the family?
Do you have a contract in place that clearly states what you are going to do?

If you don't? You started the problem by doing their job for them. If the house is that bad? Take pictures and report them to CPS if you feel it's not a safe environment for the children.,

You can TEACH the children what the parents obviously are NOT teaching them and have them load the dishwasher and start it (depending upon their ages of course).

You need to sit down and have a talk with the parents. Get a clear outline and contract in place of what they expect you to do while you are there. If they expect you to clean every day then they need to pay you more for your services.