Nanny Fail?

Your are right, the problem is mom is there. I think your daughter would do fine if she was one on one with this baby. If mom appears every time the baby cries, the baby will continue to cry. Maybe your daughter could take the baby out, go for walks or something.

She needs to talk to this mom and they need to agree that mom will not appear when the baby cries. The baby needs to think that mom is gone. Maybe mom could study someplace else? Maybe she should be the one to leave, go to the library or something. This baby will keep crying if mom keeps appearing... that's the bottom line.

I think the baby feels the overall tension of the Mom not really wanting a sitter, or not being happy about leaving the baby at all. I realize that she hired her but don't think for one minute that this reaction is the cause of the sitter...the baby is bonded to the mother and that is as it should be.

Have your daughter work on her confidence with other children/babies outside of this experience so she finds out that it isn't her.

I hope your daughter doesn't take this personally - 3 months is really young to be away from mama, and some kids are more attached than others. And sometimes they just don't like one specific person for some reason - it's nothing personal, and it doesn't mean that she isn't good with babies.

My advice would be to try having her take the baby somewhere when she first gets there. And in my experience leaving my daughter, it was always much better to actually say goodbye to her than to try to "sneak out". So have mom say goodbye, put baby in the stroller, and then nanny takes him out for a walk. When they get back to the house, if he's doing ok, it's important for him to continue thinking that mom isn't there.

I was a professional nanny for twenty years. This is a tough situation because the mom is at home. I would have daughter sit and talk with the mom about maybe taking the baby out for walks or even feeding the baby at the park. Having a bottle and a new person is quite the change for a little one. It will take a few weeks for Jacob to get use to this. Maybe you can have your daughter play some music that she is comfortable singing and hold the baby with so she can bond differently than the mother. Ask the mom how do you hold the baby, let me see, let me see if that is the problem. Have her say, he just loves you so much. have her ask about walks going to the park sitting outside for fresh air. All which is good for the baby. I would say I know it is hard to hear your baby crying, but I need to figure out the best way to calm him down, and he needs to trust me that I can help him. Even though he is only three months old, the mom needs to hear that she will not be the only one that needs to figure this out, we all do with newborns. Just make sure that he is burped really well, held upright for at least 5 minutes after eating and he is not overly stimulated, or overly tired, usualy the things that make such a young baby cry and cry. first time moms that are busy and have a nanny come in sometimes feel like they are not in charge and "know" everything. Sometimes nannies need to help the mother let go of the "only I" can do everything. I would tell l your daughter to plan the day like the mother wasn't there. If the baby starts crying I would put on my shoes and take the baby for a walk. I would pay no attention to what the mother said about whom your daughter would be better with. That is something she will have to decide herself. Some people are just easier to work with than others. Also, make sure your daughter is not wearing perfum or using laundry det/fabric softner with scents sometime that can upset babies.

I agree with your suggestions! Definitely have her suggest the clothes or just a towel around her she can hold him against. Also I wonder if he cries all the time anyways and he is colic from what he is eating? Try yur suggestions if th mom is willing and then go from there. good luck! God always has you in the right place at the right time so if this is not the right place it will happen all on its own not because of mistakes your daughter made or the family just beasue he knows the right path for your child.

I say give it a chance. The baby is used to mom and will make the adjustment to a loving nanny over time. Patience is required. The harder part will be dealing with the mom. I bet she is completely ambivalent about handing off the baby to finish her work. She probably feels guilty and takes the crying as a sign of her failure as a mother. She needs to deal with these issues and I honestly don't think that anything your 21 year old daughter can say will carry any weight with her. My suggestion is for the baby to be away from the mom as much as possible. Its too confusing for the baby and the nanny too! Can she (your daughter) take the baby out for walks or to a different part of the house? Also the mom should create some white noise so she can't hear the baby cry. Nanny and baby need time together w/o confusion if this is to work.

I've been a nanny for 12+ years. I am also a mom so I can see both sides. I think the mom does need to either leave the house or not respond. She is a first time, very attached mom and has the instinct to go to her baby when ever he cries. That a great attribute as a parent but not when your daughter needs to care for the baby. It is causing the baby confusion and he knows that when he cries, mom will attend to him. I do agree with having the Nanny wear/ cover her front with Mom's shirt, blanket, etc. This will really help baby to not get too upset in the first place.

I really think it is a put-down and slightly rude that the Mom is telling your daughter that she is better off with a toddler, as she has not giving your daughter a chance to be a good nanny (since she is at her baby's side everytime he cries). I wonder if this mom had a bit of a trust issue - maybe not just with your daughter but to leve the baby with anyone but herself. If that is the case, it is the moms problem, and your daughter should find a family that respects and trusts her more.

I am sorry she is having to deal with this. I sincerely hope mom calms down, and things work out for the better!

First off if this is the first couple of days back to work for the Mom, then yes this could be a major adjustment for the baby. This being said, if it is only a part time job for her, the adjustment time could be longer than if she were full time. If the child was breastfed and now is suddenly bottle fed, even if the baby is taking the feeding, it is getting used to the switch of food sorce as well. Your daughter wearing the shirt might work for a little while but not long as the baby figures out, hey that lady is not giving me what she normally gives me, in fact it may prolong the issue. Does she have an agreement to be working on her dissertation and is added frustration that she is not getting that done too? Perhaps she should stick it out until the person can find a new nannie, as long as she can emotionally handle the stress and not take it out on the child. I'm not saying she would, but we never know what someone who doesn't have the same connection with our child will do in a time of extreme stress. If she or you are concerned, it's better to leave right away and find something else.

a nursing baby can smell when a mom is still in the house. Until the mom stops nursing altogether, I don't think it will get any easier on your daughter or the baby. Since it's still nice out, maybe your daughter can take him for a walk outside. Of course, that will only be a temporary solution.

Good luck.

Is he being feed breast milk from the bottle or formula. If they are giving him formula he might be colicky. I think the whole situation sounds confusing and frustrating for baby, mom and nanny. The little guy wants his mommy and cries until he gets her. Normal for a baby. However, if mom wants the nanny to care for the baby - it isn't going to happen if she keeps reappearing. The pattern will continue. I wouldn't rule out colick/gas from bottle either.
I would also tell your daughter not to wear perfume or strong scented deodorants etc as babies are very sensitive to smell. The baby is going through an adjustment period and your daughter is tense and anxious and he is picking up on that. I would tell your daughter not to fret over the mom suggesting her skills in infant care are lacking - as her past job proves otherwise. I think if it gets too stressful, it would be okay to look for another nanny position. There are tons of people who are looking for a good nanny.