My Two Year Old Is Out of Control!!!

Set up situations for him to fail. A pre arranged playdate with a friend where as soon as he steals a toy you have to go home because now his friend won't want to play with him. If he whines in a store for a toy leave everything there and go home. Couple of times and he'll know what your rules are and that you are serious.

I will address the issue of stealing toys from other kids first becuase a lot of what you are saying is normal boundry pushing. When he take a toy from another child, pick him up and leave let him know why you are leaving and that until he learns to share/play nicely he can't play with the other kids,period. It can be a pain the first few times especially if you really are enjoying yourself but it is well worth it in the end, they tend to get your message a lot clearer and sooner. I've used this method with my more stubborn ones. oh....let him know ahead of time exactly what you expect of him, 2 year old comprehend a lot more then we give them credit for! As for everything else consistancy, it will work but you have to be consistant and patient. Good luck

I am going to say that it sounds like a need for self expression and recognition. I had some similar issues with my kids and read a few books. Dr. Sears' has some good ones. Anyway, I have found that kids at this age don't have all the tools they need to properly express their needs and wants so they do what they feel naturally. Hitting isn't OK, but obviously he has some sort of feeling behind it. I would try and help him learn to express his feelings in a different way. If he feels like he can be heard from you then perhaps the problems of interacting with other kids will diminish. When your son wants something and is doing something inappropriate, maybe get on his level and look him in the eyes, and say "I can see that this is making you (angry, unhappy, frustrated..) and you need something." If you know what it is recognize it and address it, wither it is giving it to him or explaining that you understand his wants but he can't have it. Something along these lines repeated over time will help establish a relationship of trust with regards to his feelings and perhaps a change in his reactions. Helping kids at this age feel heard and understood can be such a hug help in curbing the problems. They know what they want and they have a rang of emotions but they don't yet have all the tools they need to cope. It really has made a difference with my 20 month old son.

You see... this is why they call it the terrible twos!

It sounds, from what you have said, that you are engaging in a power struggle with him. This makes kids really insecure... and can lead to the behavior getting worse, not better.

Little ones this age cannot really use logic... the other parents have who have posted have it right. Tell him you are going to wherever... tell him what you expect.

The moment he breaks the rule? Pick him up and LEAVE. NO CONVERSATION. NONE. Just say "This behavior is unacceptable, and we need to go now". Then, stop.

He will, most likely, have a tantrum. Ignore it. If he needs your help to get back in control, by all means help him... but do NOT engage in any sort of negotiation.

After just a few times, I promise you - he will get better.

The twos pass into the threes... and believe it or not ... there will come a magical day where he will be reasonable - most of the time!

Oh, the joys of toddler independence. How dare they have an opinion! Ha. They grow up so fast, don't they. Maybe try making a game out of it, have some fun. Sometimes they have to figure things out...like if they don't want to put their coat on before you go outside...take a step or two out the door without the coat...he will change his mind in a few seconds. Kneel down to his eye level, tickle him a bit, put on a really happy, cheerful mom voice (I know this is the hardest part...we are tired and worn out). Once my son turned two, I found I turned into goofy, silly, fun mom and I only get serious when his actions are dangerous. If it's something small, I gently correct him and we move on.

The idea of letting him know ahead of time what you expect of him is a good idea. I used that alot and it worked! Also, when he is not very nice to other children, explain to him how he is making the other kids feel. Telling him that he is hurting other childrens' feelings might help him realize a little easier that what he is doing is wrong. And ask him about the situations in a calm loving voice (its hard sometimes). Ask him, Why did you take that toy from ____? How do you think you made him feel when you did that? Did you like hurting their feelings? What if someone did that to you? Would it hurt your feelings?
I noticed that asking alot of questions helps communication (even if he is only 2 1/2)... they understand more than we realize! Just stay consistant, don't yell, and make sure that he realizes what he is doing. I personally think that taking toys is a dominance thing and if not taken care of, could turn into a bullying thing. Good Luck!

Hi L.,
We liked the book called "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Jim Fay. It uses natural consequences and takes the stress out of parenting. Good Luck!

It sounds like he's really trying to get more attention from you. Kids will take any kind of attention, even negative, if they're feeling needy. The fact that he's aggressive towards other children if you play with them is a sign that he wants more of you. His actions are inappropriate but it's all he knows how to do at this point.

Try really increasing your special time with him for one week. Put aside several times a day to spend completely on him with fun stuff. Read books together, sit and draw pictures, stop what you're doing to playfully chase him and so on. Take a second throughout the day to give him hugs, smile at him, say you love him and even just give him a wink. If he misbehaves during this time, say that it's not okay and quickly redirect him towards something more appropriate. You want to focus on the good that he does, not the bad. See what he's like by the end of the week. I'm willing to bet you'll have a really sweet little boy on your hands.

I'd also let him know how you'd like him to let you know if he needs you. Tell him he can ask for a hug any time he wants, for instance, and teach him some better ways to get mama time.

Good luck! Twos can be trying but they can also be so loving and fun. :)

Hi L., I know what you are going through! It can be a tough time when we can't get along. I agree with preparing him about what is going to happen next, giving him more special mommy time with you. If you feel strongly that he is a strong willed child, then consider getting "The strong willed child" by Dr. James Dobson. It is good to have in your library as he grows, because strong willed children tend to test the boundries over and over again. At least that is what I've found here in our home!